When I tell you I actually burst out laughing when John Cena curtsied, it’s the damn truth. My stomach curled up in the process. What the hell was this man doing?? The more he repeated his own name while describing wrestling’s Mount Rushmore, the more I thought he was glitching. But that’s besides the point, Cena, apparently, had his entire retirement tour scouted six months prior to the official announcement, so he could look for potential challengers for when he gets the Championship he wants.
If he lost the Royal Rumble, he had his status to grant him a spot in the Elimination Chamber like I thought he would. He knew Punk and Rollins would be too focused on each other to be paying attention to anyone else, allowing Cena to slide in and win. Rhodes’ obsession with being the center and loved by fans forced him to be consumed by The Rock, completely forgetting about John. He surprisingly lulled Orton into a false sense of security in his hometown and used the hype. Plus, he put R-Truth in the Main Event… A thousand steps ahead of the fans, Cena made that clear. So, he says…
Cena was doing a lot of mathematical manipulation by the time Cody Rhodes showed up after being told he’s relevancy is due to the non-stop screaming of the audience. Rhodes informed Cena that he’s part of his plan, not the other way around. Before John could answer, Randy arrived, too. He warned Rhodes that he’ll do everything he can to get to number 15. LA Knight looked to drop the Viper, the American Nightmare and John to get to the Championship.
On his way out, Cena got jumped by a vicious, very different R-Truth.
Randy Orton vs. LA Knight vs. Carmelo Hayes vs. Aleister Black – Fatal 4-Way King of the Ring Tournament match
Orton has been the one controlling the match in his favor for a good portion of the time. He power slammed Black on his ass, so he’ll stay down for a few minutes while he dealt with the rest of the playing field. It wasn’t until Randy took too much time to execute a double DDT on Aleister and Carmelo that allowed LA Knight to deliver a neck breaker from behind. It didn’t give him the victory he wanted, but it was brilliant.
Knight was looking to perform the BFT on Hayes, but he managed to escape by sending LA into Randy, who dodged the Megastar only to suffer at the behest of a First 48. Black took out Hayes with a big boot to the jaw, just as Knight hit the BFT on Aleister for a near fall. Once the ring was cleared, Knight was about to go flying when Bronson Reed dragged him off the top, which sent him in Bron Breakker’s pathway for a spear.
Breakker’s spot in the tournament was shattered by Knight on RAW, hence the reason his ass was here. Hayes thought he was taking advantage of the situation, instead he found himself dismantled by an RKO blended with his frog splash on Knight. Orton covered LA and won.
Winner: Randy Orton
I believe Jacob Fatu understood that just because you’re family, doesn’t mean you can poorly treat somebody. Fatu felt like Solo was egotistical. After telling Sikoa he hated him at Money in the Bank, Fatu planned to for his reign to be him against the world. Not too later after that, we all heard a set of slow clapping coming from a distance, it was Solo on the big screen.
Sikoa went on to say that when he visited Jacob in Sacramento, the Samoan Werewolf wasn’t doing anything, meant nothing until Solo brought him to WWE. But I beg to differ. I’ve seen Fatu on MLW, he was the World Heavyweight Champion. And if we’re engaging in story time, why not mention that it took a while for people to warm up to Fatu when he came here?
Sikoa issued a compromise: he’ll be here next week, willing to take Jacob back if the champ speaks four words. I love you, Solo. Amazing how Sikoa wanted to be kept separated from Roman Reigns only to slowly behave like the intrusion he tossed aside.
Jade Cargill vs. Nia Jax vs. Piper Niven vs. Michin – Fatal 4-Way Queen of the Ring Tournament match
Jax and Niven saw Cargill as the obvious threat, so they teamed up to take her out… after taking Michin out first, of course. Jade fought them off, almost with ease, but at some point, they overpowered her. It was Michin that momentarily stopped the double onslaught Jade was at the mercy of. Piper and Nia were back on the attack as they threw Cargill into Wade Barrett. Ha!
Nia would have won after that Annihilator to Michin if it weren’t for Piper’s intervention in the form on a blow to the head with a fist and the post, plus a destructive shove through the barricade. After that splash Piper delivered on Michin, Cargill came swooping in with a victorious Jaded.
Winner: Jade Cargill
I’m sure Stratton thought it was smart of her to try and bait Ms. Money in the Bank Naomi to cash-in her briefcase now, but Naomi knew better. In the meantime, Naomi informed Tiffany that she’ll enjoy making her life a living hell. Suddenly, Nia Jax appeared after losing in her Fatal 4-Way match earlier. Naomi wanted to get in on it too, yet she was punched for her attempt. Stratton got squashed by Jax, nonetheless. Naomi was about to cash-in, yet Jax warned her off.
The Wyatt Sicks vs. Motor City Machine Guns – Tag Team match
Shelley and Sabin were up against Dexter Lumis and Joe Gacy of the Wyatt Sicks. Gacy was down and temporarily out while the Machine Guns were looking to eliminate Lumis with Skull and Bone, however, it failed. Dexter broke free and tagged Joe, who delivered double clotheslines. Gacy assisted Lumis with a powerbomb on Chris Sabin.
It wasn’t enough to keep him down, so Dexter was going to try something else, yet Sabin managed to get out of dodge, drop kick Gacy off the apron and plough through Lumis before tagging his partner. The Machine Guns teamed up to mow down Dexter. Signs of worry began to show on Uncle Howdy’s face. Once again, they setup Dexter for Skull and Bone, yet Gacy came out of nowhere and punched Shelley. He and Dexter doubled their efforts on Sabin. Ha! Always him.
I don’t know why Dexter stopped the cover short like that, but Uncle Howdy wanted them to finish the job his way, by having Gacy knock Shelley out on the outside, while Lumis delivered a triumphant high-flying leg drop on Sabin.
Winners: The Wyatt Sicks
After R-Truth attacked John earlier, the champ was looking to fight him now that he’s had time to process the matter. Instead, CM Punk revealed his presence to drop some “truth” on Cena. Punk found it insulting that John would even put himself on Mount Rushmore when others like Eddie Guerrero, Terry Funk, Harley Race, and Bret Hart shoot much higher. By the end of this, he still got what he wanted. A title match versus John at Night of Champions. Because of this roast, Cena wasn’t able to see Truth jump him again. Ha! “I’m sorry, John, but the truth hurts!”
Alexa Bliss vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Alba Fyre vs. Candice LeRae – Fatal 4-Way Queen of the Ring Tournament match
Just like the other Fatal 4-Way match, Flair was seen as the bigger problem that LeRae and Fyre thought of taking out together. Charlotte fought greatly to fend them off until Alexa Bliss flew in with a crossbody. She nearly hit the Sister Abigail, yet Alba and Candice intervened before that could take place.
Later on, Flair had Bliss in the Figure 8, hoping she’d tap out. She might have if Candice hadn’t come crashing down with a springboard Moonsault. Alba came charging in with a kick to LeRae, then she took down Charlotte for a near fall. Alexa’s Twisted Bliss almost granted her the win, yet Flair yanked her off the cover.
LaRae came close to rolling up Charlotte after she disposed of Alexa to the outside. Flair made her regret it with a huge spear. She captured Alba in the Figure 8, but she didn’t tap out yet, so Bliss delivered the Sister Abigail just in time to advance.
Winner: Alexa Bliss
Damian Priest vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Andrade – Fatal 4-Way King of the Ring Tournament match
While Priest and Rhodes were busy with each other, they didn’t see Nakamura running at them with fury in his eyes as he plummets both men. As all three boys are brawling outside, Andrade Moonsaults onto them from the top.
Rhodes was struggling to get a grip on Andrade, so he could send him into the table, while Andrade was tussling to remain out of harm’s way… that is until Shinsuke came in and dealt with the Luchadore himself. He then proceeded to kick Cody off the apron, which sent him crashing through the table. God knows what happened to Damian. Ha! Anyway, Cody rallied with a double Cutter, escaped the Razor’s Edge to deliver another Cutter.
He was able to take down Andrade with the Crossroads, but with Nakamura, it was a little difficult. I wished that Shin hadn’t taken so much time to execute his move, maybe then, he would have won. Rhodes defeated him with Crossroads to advance.
Winner: Cody Rhodes
TOP PHOTO: Truth beating up Cena. Courtesy of WWE
