Earlier today, LP felt the need to crash Jelly Roll’s training session prior to their Tag Team match at SummerSlam. He had the nerve to call Jelly a “buffalo” for being in a wrestling ring when he’s just as unwelcomed as cockroach. Paul entered the ring at Jelly’s request, and they started brawling as one does. Things became unfair when Drew McIntyre showed up. It was hard to watch once McIntyre delivered a Claymore to Jelly’s face… Dear God.
As the curtains open, John Cena waltzed to the stage to meet Cody Rhodes for a chat over their Street Fight match. Apparently, he thanked Cody for giving him the kick in the ass that was needed. The Real John Cena has returned, but I don’t blame him for saying the things he said because a lot of it was the truth. About his career, the fans and the dynamics. He just didn’t go about speaking that truth in the right way, nevertheless, he’s an unforgettable presence.
I can appreciate that he saw that this version of him didn’t feel right despite the truth-saying he was spiting out for the past five months. I hope that regardless of that realization about himself, that he knows he wasn’t entirely wrong for the things he said. It irritates me that not more people had the same epiphany.
Giulia (c) vs. Zelina Vega – Women’s US Championship match
Zelina may have been trapped in the corner by Giulia, but she managed to wiggle herself free and deliver an impressive avalanche German suplex from the second rope for a near fall. So, Giulia countered with a massive butterfly suplex from the top of the ring, then followed that up with a knee to the jaw of her opponent. She actually thought she had Vega beat with the Northern Lights maneuver, yet Zelina stayed in it.
Vega nearly pinned Giulia with a roll up, however, when that didn’t work, she threw in a backstabber. Zelina was in so much pain that it took a while for her to reach the top and perform a Moonsault, yet that was a failure since Giulia had her knees up. The champ had Vega beat with a second attempt at the Northern Lights to retain.
Winner: Giulia
AAA superstars Mr. Iguana and Psycho Clown answered Los Garza’s open challenge for the AAA Tag Team Championships. I actually thought Mr. Iguana was Goldust with a different pain job. The newcomers were doing a great job for the most part, but Los Garza picked up the pace in their favor. Humberto and Angel retained their titles with the MTY.
Backstage, the WWE Women’s Champion, Tiffany Stratton, informed Jade Cargill that she wants her at 100 percent at SummerSlam. And of course, she’ll deliver on that promise. Cargill wants to finish what she started when she first stepped up to Stratton.
Damian Priest vs. Aleister Black
Aleister was left wheezing near the commentary desk, thinking he wasn’t the wiser, Damian came charging only to receive a knee strike to the jaw. Priest went fumbling down like noodles. He retaliated by pouncing on Black, sending the man over the desk. While he was clearing the furniture, Aleister came in and threw a chair at Damian, resulting in a premature ending. After that, Black kept attacking Priest. He shoved Damian’s head against the steel steps more than three times, I think, before performing the Black Mass as a closure to this interaction.
Winner: No one
Jimmy Uso vs. Tala Tonga
For every chop and hit that Jimmy initiated on Tala, the big man retuned fire with ten times the aggression that sent Uso spiraling to the mat. Tonga used his big boot to step on Jimmy’s throat. When the time came, Jimmy fought back the best he could. He managed to strike Tala with a Super Kick and an uppercut.
He tried to lift Tonga on his shoulders, but that proved to be too much, and Tala hammered Jimmy with a fist to his back. Instead of a choke slam from Tala, Jimmy fought him off with numerous Super Kicks, followed by a clothesline that forced Tonga to the outside. Solo tried to get involved and was met with a slam to the face.
Tonga was finally knocked off his feet with a spear from Uso. Unfortunately, the big, long reach of Tala just as Jimmy leaped from the top managed to grab his challenger by the throat and planted him on the mat. After the match, as a steel cage was lowering itself, for some reason, Jimmy had backup in Jacob Fatu. Annoyingly so, Solo and Tala escape the cage, leaving Tonga Loa and JC Mateo to fend off Fatu.
Winner: Tala Tonga
This is still sooooo weird… Why do we have Charlotte Flair and Alexa Bliss tagging together to the point of them actually competing for gold as a duo?? Even they make awkward, and it’s obvious. Flair was explicitly wearing a shirt that said “We’re not friends.” Ha! Then why bother at all? Friends or not, this is a nonsensical pairing.
I’ve seen hypocrites, hangout with hypocrites, I live with hypocrites, but I feel like there’s a certain level of vexation when you see a hypocrite talking on TV about dedication to wrestling, a place that’s meant to spread inspiration, hard work and self-discovery like he knows what any of that truly means. LP got all pissy at Jelly Roll for being here as a “stepping stone” into new heights when he’s doing the exact same thing. He’s a podcaster mimicking a fighter. I don’t know how McIntyre can tolerate the man… let alone tag with him.
Anyway, McIntyre and Paul kept insulting Jelly and Randy, so naturally, they joined their premium live event opponents in the ring and started brawling. Orton was dealing with Drew, while Jelly went for Logan. The audience kept chanting Randy’s name, practically egging him to take out the security guards, who are just as useless as the police. Orton delivered two RKOs to two of the guards, allowing Jelly to choke slam the third one left in the ring.
We have matches like Lyra Valkyria versus Becky Lynch. WWE Women’s Champion Tiffany Stratton defends her title against Queen of the Ring winner Jade Cargill. Dominic Mysterio looks to retain his Intercontinental Championship against AJ Styles. Rhea Ripley, Iyo Sky and Women’s World Champion Naomi enter a Triple Treat match for the gold. CM Punk finally gets a Championship match versus Gunther. Cody Rhodes faces 17 World Champion John Cena in a Street Fight.
Jey Uso and Roman Reigns team up to fight Bron Breakker and Bronson Reed. Sami Zayn takes on Karrion Kross. Randy Orton and Jelly Roll have the unfortunate task to brawl with Drew McIntyre and the delusional LP. Raquel Rodriguez and Roxanne Perez defend their titles versus Charlotte Flair and Alexa Bliss. US Champion Solo Sikoa and Jacob Fatu meet in a Steel Cage. And The Wyatt Sicks will have to fight against the Street Profits, DIY, Motor City Machine Guns, Rey Fenix and Andrade, plus Fraxiom in a Six-Pack TLC match.
Let the carnage begin!
TOP PHOTO: Cena and Rhodes sharing a beer. Courtesy of WWE
