Happy New Year, and welcome 2026!
Personally, I’d like to thank all those who clicked on the link to my website from last week. Despite the fact that I didn’t mention that the poem was R Rated, I suspected that y’all were smart enough to know that given how unyielding with language this site also is. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, here’s the link: blacksugar
As if someone was asking for this, The Miz started the evening ranting about how he’s become obsolete in the eyes of fans and wrestlers alike. Of course, he’s the first Grand Slam Champion in the business, but I don’t care much for people yelling about those things to my face. To stop this whining, Randy Orton returned to silence him with an RKO. Foolishly so, before that took place, Miz tried to appease to Orton by saying “We are the locker room leaders,” instead of “I’m the locker room leader,”
Rhea Ripley, Iyo Sky, Charlotte Flair & Alexa Bliss vs. Lash Legend, Nia Jax & The Kabuki Warriors – 8-Woman Tag Team match
Flair was left alone in the ring with Legend and Jax. She delivered a clothesline to Lash after dodging an incoming attack from the opposition. Once Lash was momentarily dealt with, Charlotte returned her attention towards Nia with Natural Selections. The queen went to the top with a Moonsault and failed to capture the win.
Since Charlotte needed help, she tagged Iyo in to take on Asuka, but she wasn’t without assistance from Kairi. Sky was perched at the top and connected with a double drop kick. Iyo was doing great, and Rhea wanted in, so she ventured to tag her only for Nia to snatch Ripley by the ankle and toss her into the barricade. Meanwhile in-ring, Asuka knocked Iyo with a wicked kick. To add further injury, Iyo didn’t realize that Lash tagged herself in, so when Asuka moved out of the way, Iyo dived straight into a big, fat boot from the bougie bully.
Later on, Ripley was looking for Riptide on Kairi, Asuka had the official distracted, so Nia came in and bulldozed Rhea to the mat. As retaliation, Charlotte made her pay. In return, the Empress of Tomorrow inflicted her rage on the queen. Bliss stormed in with Sister Abigail. Then Lash delivered a nasty right hand to Alexa. And to close things off, Rhea was back on her feet with a drop kick to Legend, caught Sane in mid-air, headbutted her, performed the Riptide, and Iyo got the victory for her team with a beautiful Moonsault.
Winners: Ripley, Sky, Flair & Bliss
Ever since Kit Wilson called out Carmelo Hayes and two or three other guys for embodying toxic masculinity at an unbearable level, he’s here to redefine that… I think. Alas, Matt Cardona or Zack Ryder showed up before Wilson could finish talking knowing they have a match. One I particularly didn’t care for. It’s been said multiple times before that the usage of the word “toxic” isn’t applied properly to every day conversations. When people use it, they really mean to describe things as “not great”, “spiteful”, “unapologetic”, or even “incorrigible”. Unless someone is truly venomous, then the word toxic applies. If anyone wants to know, Cardona won this match, as if that was actually a challenge.
As the night progressed, Sami Zayn came to the ring. I found it sweet that he was able to witness John Cena’s last match with his son in the front row as an active audience member. The one thing I do regret in my life is that I never got to see any of Cena’s live matches, not even when he was retiring. It’s unfortunate, really, but I don’t let it bother me too much because I’m glad that others were able to bask in his presence. That includes Zayn’s adorable son.
Sami did a lot of talking about winning a World Championship and hasn’t gotten to that point yet, this year he’s going to do everything he can to obtain that belt. Given how we’re discussing Championships, I wasn’t surprised to see Trick Williams making his claim. Williams placed himself in the same league as Michael Jackson, Michael Jordan and Mike Tyson. All the Mikes. Ha! Aldis made the right decision by calling Trick to the blue brand. Trick was looking to skip the line and become Champion overnight, to which Sami isn’t afraid to humble him for. He smacked Williams’ chest with the microphone, that was funny.
Carmelo Hayes (c) vs. Johnny Gargano – US Championship match
Melo had Gargano on the ropes, trying to catch his breath. Johnny fought back, Hayes returned fire, then Johnny rammed his shoulder into the champ’s stomach. Some back and forth from these men attempting to get the best of each other came to a stop when Carmelo kicked Gargano in the back of the head, clearly showing prior study of the other’s movements. Hayes delivered a DDT, driving Johnny face first against the apron.
The Champion was hoping for the Maze Buster, Gargano countered with a tornado DDT so smooth, it was embarrassing to let that happen. If Hayes hadn’t kicked out, I’m not sure if I would have seen Johnny’s spilt nose bleeding down his lips. After that, Carmelo rolled to the outside, allowing Gargano to follow with a suicide dive. As a comeback, Hayes blocked Johnny’s slingshot spear attempt with a knee. Seeing that her husband needed help, Candice LeRae jumped onto the apron to distract the referee long enough for Johnny to force an unbalance for Carmelo standing at the top.
Johnny regained some momentum with an Air Raid Crash from the second rope, but it wasn’t strong enough. The panic began to creep into Gargano’s mind when that didn’t work. He tried again with a roll up and failed. As for Hayes, he successfully retained his title with the First 48, followed by Nothing but Net.
Winner: Carmelo Hayes
Chelsea Green (c) vs. Giulia – Women’s US Championship match
Giulia climbed onto Chelsea’s back with a sleeper hold tightly wrapped around her neck. Green was aware of her surroundings when she rammed Giulia into the turnbuckles behind her. That right hand from Chelsea only made the challenger smile as she returned the gesture in kind. I was shocked to see some back and forth, but I enjoyed it. Green managed to lay Giulia down for a little bit. The sliding slap and face plant came out of nowhere. It was ineffective, though.
It was obvious that Chelsea retained her title, but due to Kiana James averting the referee’s attention from the cover, Alba Fyre had to deal with James off the apron. Once Green noticed what was going on, she stopped focusing on Giulia, who swooped in with a back suplex. She was looking for Arrivederci, so Green countered with a kick to the face. That only angered Giulia to meet Chelsea at the top, hook her doubly and slam her body to the mat. Giulia became the new Women’s US Champion after the Northern Lights turned Green’s lights off.
Winner: Giulia
Somewhere backstage, Drew McIntyre held a photo of Cody and Dusty Rhodes, provoking Cody that his father is looking down on him ashamed of what his son has become. McIntyre smashed the glass frame to pieces and proceeded to stomp on the picture before picking it up again. Like I said, “somewhere backstage”, Rhodes couldn’t easily find Drew as he stomped around vengefully. While Cody was blindly searching for McIntyre in the back, Drew made his way to the front. “Happy New Year, Cody,” said McIntyre as he set fire to that photo with a lighter.
Weirdly so, I actually quite enjoyed that.
TOP PHOTO: McIntyre committing arson. Courtesy of WWE
