Raw: Liv’s Ex-Boyfriend Bonfire

Thomas Starr

Raw: Liv’s Ex-Boyfriend Bonfire

Raw is live from St. Paul, Minnesota.

Seth Rollins is out first in his bizarre referee attire. For Seinfeld fans, he has on a poofy shirt with black and white referee stripes and leather pants. Plus, Zebra print boots. He looks like such a goof. Seth is giving his referee instructions in this segment.

CM Punk is out next. Huge pop. Drew McIntyre is out in his finest leather jacket and matching leather kilt. This is quite a spectacle of clothing in the ring right now. Punk and Drew cannot touch each other, or Rollins, tonight. Drew tries to align with Seth, but Seth says he hates them both.

Seth says he will do whatever he wants in the match. Punk says having him in the match is having a “hat on a hat,” copyright Jim Cornette, and makes fun of that awful outfit Seth is wearing. So, it is Rollins Rules which means he can do whatever he wants? Why? Can we not just have a bitter feud instead of this nonsense?

Drew says to stop worrying about Seth. He explains to Punk all the injuries he is going to inflict on him. This is starting to get boring. Punk says Drew has dumbed himself out of everything. Drew finally taunts Punk with the wrist band. That both added a stupid stipulation and bored me to tears. Excellent job, WWE.

Judgement Day is in the back. Liv has messed up their clubhouse. Yes, their clubhouse. Maybe she will knock over their lemonade stand next. Rhea says she will take care of it. Then asks why Carlito is still hanging around. Good question.

We came back from break and Judgement Day is cleaning up their clubhouse. Yes, their clubhouse. Priest offers to be at ringside for Finn’s match. Carlito and Dominik go to ask Pearce for matches.

The Creed Brothers vs. Otis and Tozawa

To see a good version of the Creed Brothers check out the replay of Josh Barnett’s Bloodsport. For a bad version, watch this match. Brutus goes up the steps like Donkey Kong. Sigh.

Cole mentions they were both at Bloodsport. And now Brutus is selling for Tozawa. From looking like legit shooters (they are) to selling for a comedy figure. Sigh.

The Creed Brothers got heat during the break, of course, and now Otis gets the hot tag. The crowd explodes. They love Otis. Otis goes to the top rope but is distracted by Gable. The Creed Brothers double powerbomb Otis for the win.

Winners: Creed Brothers

Gable and company beat Otis and Tozawa after the match. Maxxine jumps on Chad’s back to stop him. She then hilariously holds up her fists in a fighting stance. And lights out. Cue the fog machine. The Wyatts come out and unmask. The witch flies on top of Gable. The Wyatt Sicks laid waste to the Creeds.

Gable backs out of the ring unscathed. Uncle Howdy shows up behind him. And that is it. They go to break. Chad Gable is involved in two feuds at the same time. I guess the Wyatt Sicks are babyfaces, but then again, they attack people from behind and outnumber them. This is not working for me.

Back from break, Carlito messed up and got Dom a match with Sami Zayn. So, Rhea tells Carlito to get a match with Jey Uso.

Sheamus vs. Bronson Reed

During the highlight package, Cole points out that they have never explained why Pete Dunne attacked Sheamus. Good point. Some old-fashioned clobbering to start. Sheamus goes to the top rope and hits Bronson on the floor. He celebrates in the crowd, but when he turns around Bronson drops him on the announcer table. And we are off to break. It is good we do not get to see the heels getting their heat. Otherwise, they might get over and who would want that?

Back from the break and of course we missed Bronson getting heat on Sheamus. This does not help their heels when they do this. Reed has been stuck in the same position all year and having his heat in the commercial break does nothing to help.

Sheamus hits White Noise from the top rope. Wow. Reed kicks out. Sheamus does the Five Beats. Reed was “hung up” in the ropes. This was awful looking. The ref sat there pretending Reed was tied up in the ropes when he clearly was not. Dunne was late so they sat there fumbling with the rope for way too long and Dunne finally showed up and hit Sheamus with a shillelagh. Reed hit his splash for the win.

Winner: Bronson Reed

Replay of the Gunther-Priest brawl from last week. They added a Priest promo into the highlights. He says Gunther calling him “street trash” was translated into “Puerto Rican Badass.” He welcomes Gunther to his neighborhood calling Gunther “general.” Decent promo, but he is just missing something.

Jey Uso vs. Carlito

Jey enters through the entrance ramp. No crowd entrance? Odd.

Before the match, Bron Breakker does a promo over highlights of his match with Sami Zayn. He says Sami is preparing for life after wrestling. A life after facing Breakker. Bron brings up Sami’s live comedy show, which is a thing, and says the joke will be on Sami Saturday. Good promo.

Jey seems in no hurry to get this match over with. Carlito takes over and we go to break again. It is amazing that the heels take over right before break, am I right?

The show came back from break, but my feed did not. I saw Jey won but missed most of the match. Technology, am I right?

Winner: Jey Uso

Zelina Vega is in the back. She calls Shayna, Zoey, and Sonya “team forehead.” Okay. They reminded her of who she is “a threat.” Okay. Shayna, Zoey, and Sonya confront her. My feed had more problems, but it looked like they were trying to strip her. Turns out, no. They were trying to smash her arm again. Easy mistake. That looked painful.

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Now here is Miz. Just when I was enjoying the show. He is hosting SummerSlam on Saturday. Why? Seriously, why? R-Truth shows up and asks how Miz can host the show from Los Angeles. Are these two still tag champions? I forgot. R-Truth wants to bring hors d’oeuvres. I was looking forward to SummerSlam, but Miz.

Karrion Kross vs. Xavier Woods

The feud that will never end. First, they brought the Miz out and now this. I would be okay with my feed going out again. Truly. It is nice to see Paul Ellering getting the AEW treatment. Guy just has to show up and stand around once a week.

The story is that Karrion wants Woods to join his group. So, he beats him up over and over and over again. Why does he want him in the group? Someone answer that.

And now Kross has a mic. This show has grounded to a halt.

Kross calls St. Paul a “hell hole” which got the first reaction he has had in six months. Kross says Kofi should have retired and Woods has had enough. So have I. Thank goodness for a commercial break.

Back from break, Kross is screaming “New Day is dead!” He also says Woods is the “worst King of the Ring this country has ever had.” What? Woods fires up at that one. Okay.

Woods dives on Tokka and Rahzar on the floor, but then Kross hits the Final Prayer and Kross wins.

Winner: Karrion Kross

Triple H is shown talking with Jesse Ventura. That is someone I did not expect to see back on WWE TV.

Sami Zayn points out that he beat Bron after his comedy show last time. He says it is not about teaching any lessons to a young wrestler, it is about beating Bron’s ass.

Sami Zayn vs. Dominik Mysterio

Highlight video with a Liv Morgan promo. She is burning merchandise and a picture of Dom.

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In a change of pace, we went to commercial break with the babyface in control.

Back from break, Dom is getting heat on Sami. Seeing makes the eventual comeback more of a payoff. That is free advice, WWE. You are welcome. Carlito and JD come to ringside. Sami fights them off but gets caught by Dom. Carlito and JD end up coming in for the DQ. Yawn.

Winner: Sami Zayn

Jey Uso runs the heels off afterwards. Then Bron Breakker sneak attacks Zayn. Sami reverses with a boot and then the exploder in the corner. Bron retreats. Breakker tries to sneak attack again, but Sami foils him.

Cole sends it to what he calls a “therapy session” with the Wyatt Sicks. This time it is Dexter Lumis. Uncle Howdy asks what they should do when the buzzards circle. Lumis says, “Run!” He has always looked like a psycho, but now he has dreads. Creepy.

Adam Pearce is in the back with Gable. He says he figured out who the Wyatt Sicks are. Pearce says he knows, they are all under contract. They sent up a match for next week. Okay, so this group came in by beating up their production staff and murdering Gable and now, not only is Gable back, but they reveal these guys have been under contract the whole time. The production staff needs lawyers.

Zoey Stark, Sonya Deville, and Shayna Baszler vs. Lyra Valkyria, Katana Chance, and Kayden Carter

A Rhea promo over highlights airs. They have had several of these tonight and they are well done.

Lyra, Katana, and Kayden have matching gear. So do the heels. Everyone is color coordinating tonight.

The babyfaces with triple team moves and then a pose as we go to the break.

Back from break, Lyra fights off the heels and then does a belly flop to the center of the ring. She was trying to leap for the tag, but either was supposed to miss or just missed. She then made an iceberg tag. Kayden Carter came in and Shayna took a bump from a phantom kick. Yikes.

Things fell apart, but Zoey picked up the win for her team. We still have no idea why Sonya joined this group. Damage CTRL return and jump the heels. So, Damage CTRL are babyfaces? This was weird.

Winners: Zoey, Shayna, and Sonya

Gunther is in an empty arena. He says Finn was destined to be great but got lost when he joined that group of “street trash.” Gunther says Priest uses pro wrestling to cover up his worthlessness.

Back from break, Damage CTRL is asked about Sonya, Shayna, and Zoey saying they run Raw. Iyo and Kairi speak in Japanese. Dakota says they were running things because Damage CTRL was not there. Now they are back. Dakota challenges Sonya to a match next week.

Judgement Day is in the back. They offer Finn help. Finn wonders if they do not trust him. Priest says he knows Finn can beat Gunther. Balor is fired up as he goes to the ring.

Gunther vs. Finn Balor

It is official Dakota Kai will face Sonya Deville next week. As well as the Wyatt Sicks’ The Rabbit, The Witch, and The Dreadlocks will square off against Chad Gable and The Creed Brothers.

Gunther controlled the action early. Stiff chops and palm strikes as expected. Balor turns the tide by reversing a top rope slam. Balor is playing babyface despite being a heel. The crowd is quiet. It is a three-hour show, but I wonder how much of it is not knowing who to cheer for? The welt on Finn’s chest is gnarly. He might be bleeding from where Gunther chopped him. Gunther puts the sleeper on Finn several times and finally Balor passes out and Gunther wins.

Winner: Gunther

Priest comes out and brawls with Gunther. It was chaos at ringside as they fade to black.

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