Raw: Breakker wants the IC Belt; Uncle Howdy says, ‘We’re Here.’

Thomas Starr

Raw: Breakker wants the IC Belt; Uncle Howdy says, ‘We’re Here.’

It’s Monday and time for Raw! This was the fallout from Clash at the Castle. The show opened with an extended highlight package from Clash. Cut to Drew McIntyre walking in the back.

Seth Rollins! Seth makes an unannounced return to open the show. His outfit is subdued by his standards. Huge ovation from the crowd. A young lady was crying. The crowd sang his theme twice over before he got anything substantial out.

Seth vows to get the heavyweight title back. He then looks up at the Money in the Bank briefcases hanging above the ring. So, they are going to put him in an incredibly risky match as soon as he’s back from injury? Okay.

Damien Priest interrupts Seth. Priest says he wanted to cash in on Rollins out of respect but had to cash in on Drew. Seth talks about their similar histories. Both in prominent groups, won MiTB, etc. Seth questions what kind of champion Priest wants to be. Priest challenges him to a match at Money in the Bank. So, they aren’t putting Seth in that match.

They highlight Bron Breakker injuring Ricochet. In the back, Adam Pearce is interrupted by Chad Gable who asks for an Intercontinental Title Match. Instead, Pearce has a special opponent.

Chad Gable vs. Braun Strowman

The Alpha Academy is out with Gable. Maxxine is hobbling on the crutches. She also appears to be wearing her sleeping attire, so clearly she has no one to help her dress in the mornings.

Strowman is Chad’s special opponent. Strowman dominated early. Gable took the turnbuckle bump chest-first ala Bret Hart. Yikes. Strowman threw Gable across the ring. When Gable went outside, Strowman chased him to do his choo-choo. Gable put Tozawa in front of Strowman. Strowman threw him into Gable. Then back in the ring, Strowman bodyslammed Gable for the win.

Winner: Strowman

Gable blamed Tozawa after the match. Maxxine told him to stop. He took her crutch and threw it out of the ring. He slapped Tozawa and Otis turned to glare at him. Finally, Otis shoved Gable to the ground. The crowd exploded. Otis leaves with Tozawa and Maxxine, who, did I mention, is wearing her underwear?

Pat McAfee does a play-by-play for Dominik Mysterio’s encounter with Liv Morgan from last week. They determine that Finn Balor took Liv’s hotel room key.

Judgement Day is backstage discussing Strowman. Priest confronts Balor about taking the key card. This was very awkward. Priest was clearly reciting his lines. Balor said he did not take the key, he threw it away. Dom is missing something from his bag. Uh oh.

Iyo Sky vs. Zelina Vega vs. Kiana James – Money in the Bank Qualifier

Kiana James’s gimmick seems to be she’s a shopper. She came to the ring with an enormous designer bag. Iyo is outside wondering why she’s been booked with these two. Zelina goes for a pin with Kiana James standing right next to her watching. As if she wasn’t going to stop her. Iyo keeps trying to sell her new attitude, but Zelina keeps interrupting. This is a mess already.

Back from break, big superplex. The ref won’t count the pin because Iyo and Zelina are covering. So, they growl at each other and fight. The match has completely fallen apart, and someone starts a “This is awesome!” chant. Come on. Zelina has to scream to the crowd to make noise.

Liv Morgan comes out wearing Dominik’s purple jacket, which distracts Zelina? Why? Why does Zelina care? Iyo used the distraction to pin Kiana James. Again why? Why does Zelina need to be protected? If she wasn’t in the match to take the fall, why was she in there? Why was Kiana the fall guy here? This is AEW-level confusing.

Winner: Iyo Sky

The camera stays on the scene way too long. Iyo did a ridiculous celebration afterwards looking up at the briefcases. This was bizarre.

Another highlight package of Bron Breakker destroying Ricochet.

Sami Zayn came out. Sami is ready to move on from Gable. He’s not sure he wants to move on from the Alpha Academy, though. It’s still odd hearing these guys say wrestling and wrestler. Sami said he’ll defend against anybody and everybody. Bron Breakker is out. Uh oh.

Bron said he’s taking the title from Zayn. Sheamus interrupts. Yes, let’s make it messier that’s always good. He wants a title shot too. Sheamus called Bron a “kid.” I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Sami said he’s going to ask Pearce to make a match between Sheamus and Bron. That was awkward and boring.

Dragon Lee did a promo before the match.

Dragon Lee vs. Carlito

Backstage, Alba Fyre and Isla Dawn discussed their Tag Titles victory. Zoe and Shayna interrupt. They point out that they beat them in like 30 seconds last week.

A few minutes of action and we are back to commercial. Dragon Lee hit an incredible huricanrana as they went to break. Carlito doesn’t so much bump as he does lay down. Dragon Lee has hit some nice moves, but overall this is bad.

Liv comes out with the vest on and distracts everyone. Zelina comes out and attacks her. Everyone fights. Carlito gets the cheap win. This was a waste of time.

Winner: Carlito

They recapped Punk costing McIntyre the title again. Drew was walking again when the Uncle Howdy…stuff…started happening on the screen. I’m hoping we never see another QR code on WWE tv again. Michael Cole did acknowledge the distortions and said, “Is tonight the night?” McAfee said yes.

The Alpha Academy is in the back. Poor Maxxine is still in her underwear. Gable yells at them, but Otis tells him they’re leaving. Gable promises to win Money in the Bank.

McIntyre came out. They showed video of him going crazy after losing on Saturday. He grabbed Graves and the ref. He said naughty words too. Shame on him. He was fined for it.

McIntyre struggles for words. The crowd is chanting “CM Punk!” Then McIntyre said, “I quit.” And he left. Woah.

Dakota Kai and Kairi Sane vs Katana Chance and Kayden Carter

Katana and Kayden came out to save Lyra last week setting up this match. Kairi Sane hit that incredible elbow for a near fall. Lyra came out. Dakota goes to argue with Lyra for…I don’t know why. Meanwhile, Kayden sits there with Kairi for an awkward length of time. Then she just stands up and kicks her out of the ring. Things happened and Katana and Kayden win. Another unnecessary segment.

Winners: Katana and Kayden

Iyo yells at Dakota and Kairi. She said Damage CRTL has to change, or she will change it. Okay.

Sheamus vs. Bron Breakker

Sami watched as these two men battled. Sheamus seems to have lost some of the belly he came back with. The crowd was dead for the early part of this match. Breakker did a flying clothesline from the ring apron to the announce table. That was awesome.

The crowd is really quiet. I can’t say I blame them. This show hasn’t good and, personally, I don’t want to watch Breakker selling. Maybe that’s just me.

Breakker went for that leaping onto the top rope into a hurricanrana, but slipped and they both nearly fell on their heads. Sheamus beats up Breakker. Including the 10 beats. Kaiser Ludwig interferes for the DQ. So, they managed to have a boring match, expose Steiner, and end the match in a DQ? Good job, guys.

Winner: No one…not really, it was Sheamus by DQ.

Ludwig then puts Sheamus’s leg on the steel steps. He leaves and runs around to do something to the leg (Sheamus was just going to sit there while he went to Wendy’s and back?). Bron then speared Ludwig into Saturday. Then he got into it with Sami.

Dom is walking in the back. Liv is standing around in his vest. She said to take it off of her. Dom starts to take it off, but Priest interrupts. He asks Liv to give poor Dom a break. This is getting a little weird.

Karrion Kross is in the back with Scarlett. He was thinking about doing something really out of control, but that would be exciting. And we know Karrion can’t be exciting. Instead, he’ll do something next week.

Xavier Wood answers in his locker room. Kofi takes the match. Kofi vs. Karrion next week. Thankfully, I am not reviewing that one. They seemed to be teasing Xavier being unhappy with Kofi.

Jey Uso is backstage with a bunch of fans. He makes his entrance through the crowd. This is such a great spectacle.

Jey Uso vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Finn Balor – Money in the Bank Qualifier

Some good action early. Typical three-way stuff. Someone gets hit with a move and sells for a long time while the other two wrestle. Then switch.

Rey did a cool 619 to Finn’s ripped stomach. Then did the traditional 619 to Finn and Jey back-to-back. Then sent them both into the ropes and did it again. That was fun.

Dominik and the Judgement Day show up to interfere in this NOOOOOOO DQ match. Strowman comes out to make the save. Or does he? Finn hits the stomp to the stomach and goes for the pin. Jey Use, however, does the splash on Finn and gets the pin.

Winner: Jey Uso

Jey celebrates in the crowd. Everyone was yeeting. Then the lights went out. Fireflies are out. It’s the same music and door that Bray used when he was alive. A woman crawled out to the lantern. There’s a giant rabbit with orange hair. The gorilla position has been destroyed. Several people are injured. These are all the Firefly Funhouse characters, I think. Chad Gable had a wound that looked like a buttle hole in the side of his head. Uhhh. Then there’s Uncle Howdy. They walk out and he picks up the lantern and screams, “We’re here.”

Well, that was weird. Not an exciting show. I always suggest watching the highlighted version WWE produces on YouTube. They’re using no longer than 20 minutes.

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