Tonight, Jordan Oliver of Injustice faces the Samoan Smashing Machine, Jacob Fatu, for the MLW Heavyweight Championship. At first, I found it hard to buy into this. Part of the reason is that whenever I see Oliver in the ring, he strikes me as a more athletic version of Matthew Lillard. Yes, I mean the guy from the live action “Scooby-Doo” movies, but Lillard had bigger breakout roles in the original “Scream” and the Sundance favorite “SLC Punk!” that showed his dramatic range. Yes, both the actor and the wrestler are similar in that they have goofy expressions and are very comedic. But both can catch you off-guard and show they are more than just suited to comedy, and that can draw and captivate fans’ interest.
Go check out those movies over the weekend, and you’ll see what I mean. As for tonight’s action? Once again, to quote Utah’s own Jimmy Martin: Show us what you got, Jordan Oliver.
We are Live from the GILT Nightclub in Orlando, FL.
Your Commentators Rich Bocchini and fight analyst St. Laurent have the call, and here’s how this simmering feud between Contra Unit and Injustice boiled over to this main event
We even get an update that “Filthy” Tom Lawlor will be on hand as we go over the Fallout on Filthy Island, but for now we have your First Match.
MLW World Tag Team Championship: Los Parks (L.A. Park and Hijo de L.A. Park) (C) w/ Salina de la Renta and the douche advisor for El Jefe from Azteca Underground vs. Contra Unit (Simon Gotch and Daivari)
This is essentially a heel/heel matchup. Honestly, it’s hard to get jazzed when it’s this type of matchup, but it looks like Los Parks will be the de facto ‘faces here. While they get settled in the ring, I’m trying to figure out why de la Renta is wearing red socks. Seriously! I saw it last week, and she’s doing it again this week. Is it that cold in the nightclub? Why not wear boots? Is this a new footwear thing with girls that “bros” like me don’t get?
What’s that? Oh, right! The match! That’s why you read these silly ramblings of mine (or skim through ‘em. Either way…)
Well, Daivari is in firm control with leg holds and a Figure Four to tie up to Hijo de L.A. Park. Each time Hijo gets to counter a move, Gotch comes in to interfere and Park, Sr. tries to get involved, but the ref blocks him out. At one point, Hijo gets Daivari in a unique stretch hold, which he stretches out the back of Daivari in to a bridging pin. Both Contra members take a powder outside, and Contra try to get the upper hand. But Papa Park manages to take out Contra Unit, and Los Parks go outside with stereo suicide dives.
Back in the ring, Hijo and Gotch get into a slugfest. Hijo sends Gotch out, and he feigns a dive to the floor, but fakes him out. L.A. Park and Daivari get in the ring and start to go at it, and senior Park member tries to overpower Daivari. Now all four in, and pandemonium reigns. At this point, L.A. Park, Jr. comes from underneath and try some twin/Calavera magic, but the ref is onto that trick. It looks like Contra Will take the gold, but Injustice makes the save, tripping up Gotch, and Daivari. L.A. Park hits Daivari with a spear and they retain.
Your Winners via Pinfall: Los Parks
We head to Hawaii and the Von Erichs are upset by Team Filthy coming to Hawaii. They want them to come back to their version of Fight Island, and Marshall claims he can put the Iron Claw on a hammerhead shark. Not sure where this was going, but the gist is they hate Lawlor that much.
Salina de la Renta is in back with Alicia Atout, and confesses that she is addicted to gold. She tells Alicia that she wants the Openweight Belt held by Hammerstone, and goes full Mean Girl on Alicia to tell Hammerstone and her “Boy Toy” Richard Holliday. Alicia is just beside herself by this rumor, and de la Renta shoots her off. Your next match (and I use the term loosely is…)
Parrow vs. Dugan
If I had to describe Parrow, He strikes me as looking like Bert Kreischer but, y’know…bigger and angrier.
(Note to Self: Set up future side by side comparison of Parrow/Kreischer)
In any case, a choke slam and a Murder Bomb ends the match, and thanks for coming Dugan. Honestly, I coulda spent more time going into a squash recipe on Pinterest than recapping this squash match.
(Note to Self #2: Find Squash recipes on Pinterest)
Your Winner via a Merciful Pinfall: Parrow
After the match, Parrow cuts a promo saying he saw what Promociones did to Vega last week in the jungle Match, and is calling them out. OK that I’d love to see.
We go back to “Filthy” Tom Lawlor, and going over the Fallout from his the upset win by Low Ki on King Mo. But the fact that the Von Erichs ruined the festivities on Filthy Island left him fuming and furious (see what I did there?). Lawlor dares any of them to take on Kevin Ku in a jungle warfare match. So, another cinematic match in the works?
Next up is Bu Ku Dao, and the issues of TJP bullying him. Dao speaks out, upset by his mentor’s attitude, and he wants a match. Now this scratches my itch.
We get an ad that says Opportunities Abound for Believers at Aztecaunderground.com, with some familiar music that makes me wonder what in the name of El Rey Network is happening?
Jordan Oliver cuts a convincing promo, with Myron Reed by his side. This is one of those cases where I’m going to quote it word for word:
Oliver: Hey, yo! I got my first ever world championship match… tonight.
Reed: You already know I got your back.
Oliver: Hell, yeah. I’ve been working for months for this. I’ve been working for years for this. They say I move like a middleweight. Well, I’m here to show them I’m a heavyweight. Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve been getting beat up. I’ve been getting my as kicked. Fatu…I’m gonna get in there with you, and I know you’re gonna f*** me up. I know you’re gonna beat my ass, but you will not outlast me! You can beat me up for twenty minutes, thirty minutes, even sixty minutes. But I will outlast you, and at the end of the contest, they’re gonna be saying one thing: They’re gonna be saying, “Jordan Oliver is your new MLW World Heavyweight Champion!” And that’s…
Reed:…Justice.
With mic skills like that, I’m now starting to get more convinced by this. But let’s turn our attention to the next match…
Calvin Tankman vs. Laredo Kid
Tankman just manhandles Laredo Kid from the get-go, and even Tankman is giving Kid the bad mouth. Laredo Kid attacks the legs of Tankman, and sends him to the ropes but Tankman just tackles him clear from one side of the ring to the next. It was quite impressive. Cover by Tankman, but Kid gets the ropes to break the count. This match is all Tankman, as he hits a brainbuster on Laredo Kid to cover, but the Kid kicks out at two. Tankman sends the Kid to the corner and rushes, but Laredo Kid counters with elbows and kick counters. Kid hits a missile dropkick, but Tankman goes out of the ring to collect himself. Laredo kid takes advantage and delivers a cross body to the outside to Tankman. He gets the big man in the ring, and covers for a pin, but Tankman kicks out at 2. Laredo Kid gets some momentum going in his favor, hitting a beautiful elbow drop to his sternum, but Tankman shoves him off. Tankman finally has enough, and hits a vicious spinning backfist and powerbomb to the Kid, but he kicks out. Laredo Kid gets in some hope spots, but Tankman turns him around and backfists Laredo to the back of the head, and a Tankman Driver finally puts an end to the Kid’s comeback.
Your Winner via Pinfall: Calvin Tankman
After the match, Tankman cuts a promo dedicating this victory to his daughter. He’s got mouths to feed, and the time is right to be gunning for championship gold, like the kind held by Jacob Fatu.
Alicia Atout hits the men’s bathroom where we find those Dynastic members Hammerstone and Holliday, and she wants to get to the bottom of this rumor. There’s a lot of bickering and simmering sexual tension that I haven’t seen since the days of “Cheers” with Sam and Diane (Google it, kids). Your boy Hammerstone shuts that rumor down, and suggests to Atout that she should be smacking Salina around, because the Dynasty will smack around Promociones Dorado and their “overage, oversized, plus-sized” luchadores. Atout takes the advice in stride and even Hammerstone notes the level of crushing by Holliday, who keeps denying it as well. Hmm, a romance plot in the works? The mind boggles.
Cut in the feed and Josef Samael says Oliver is playing in the deep end, and he is swimming with the sharks. . Even Fatu is happy to snap necks and break backs. Hail…yeah, you know the rest.
We now get a new(ish) feature where we get the MLW Top Five Tag Teams, sponsored by Pro Wrestling Illustrated, and they are:
- Dirty Blondes (Leo Brien and Mike Patrick)
- Injustice (Jordan Oliver and Myron Reed)
- Violence is Forever (Kevin Ku and Dominic Garrini)
- Contra Unit (Simon Gotch and Daivari)
- The Von Erichs (Ross and Marshall Von Erich)
And your current MLW Tag Team Champions are: Los Parks (L.A. Park and El Hijo de L.A. Park)
Gino Medina is feeling Gringo Loco is just appropriating his Lucha culture. No cancel culture here, but Gino is going to make sure Loco respects him and respects La Lucha Libre.
So far this has been a fun show, but now it’s time for The Main Event…
MLW World Heavyweight Championship: Jacob Fatu (c) vs. Jordan Oliver (w/ Myron Reed)
Even as the announcer introduces Fatu, Oliver dives out to the ring to the champion, and proceeds to keep him disoriented. Oliver keeps up the pace, utilizing his speed, and in the early minutes he is dominating against Fatu. The Samoan werewolf takes a powder to collect himself, and Oliver goes for a suicide dive, but Fatu catches him and delivers in smooth fashion a wicked Samoan Drop. Now the tenor of the match changes and Oliver is sent back in, and Jacob Fatu. Just. Dominates. Jordan Oliver.
Fatu hails Contra, and Oliver has enough wherewithal to clip the knee of the champ. Fatu ain’t having that, sending Oliver upside down out of the ring into the corner. Oliver’s dazed, and Reed is telling him to hang on. Fatu keeps up the abuse, biting at his fingers. Oliver tries to come back, leaps for the corner, but gets met with a nasty super kick by Fatu. Now Daivari tries to get involved, but Reed cuts him off at the pass. Fatu back out of the ring again, and Oliver tries another high risk leap outside to Fatu, who catches him again and send him crashing onto the corner apron. Back in the ring, and there is an odd moment where the feed cuts (in a legit way, not in a Contra Unit way), and back in the ring shows Oliver is in the corner, his eyes so glazed they could be sponsored by Krispy Kreme. Fatu goes to the corner and tries to jump up for his moonsault, but ends up hobbled by Oliver’s earlier chop blocks. Fatu gingerly goes up the top, but Oliver derails that by getting Fatu with a slingshot avalanche German suplex. Fatu is reeling, and Oliver presses the attack by going for a pop up stunner, and then follows with his Lost in the Sauce springboard cutter. Fatu is down, but not out, and Oliver senses that victory is in his grasp, delivering two kicks, but this Samoan Werewolf had enough in the gas tank to catch Oliver in a pop up Samoan drop, followed by a moonsault (where he climbed very gingerly) to pin upstart Injustice member for the one, two, three count!
Your Winner and Still MLW World Heavyweight Champion: Jacob Fatu
After match, Contra Unit swarms the ring, and starts to put Injustice in body bags, covered by the black flag of Contra. But, wait a second, Calvin Tankman comes in to make the save, and you can’t stop the Heavyweight Hustle, you silly Contra Unit members. Now Tankman and Fatu are eye to eye and toe to toe. Fatu sends Tankman to the ropes, and a Tankman tackle forces Fatu out of the ring, where we see Tankman standing tall as we fade to black.
