Impact: Sami and Shamrock beat down Edwards, Johnny Swinger beats the rap

Bob Kapur

Impact: Sami and Shamrock beat down Edwards, Johnny Swinger beats the rap

This week’s episode of Impact was a bit schizophrenic, swinging between moments of comedy (some very good, some very bad), strong matches, neat furthering of feuds, a few debuts to ranging degrees of success, and a really vicious beatdown angle to close the show. Overall, there was more to like than not, and definitely something within those two hours to meet everybody’s tastes.

The show started with Scott D’Amore visiting John E. Bravo in the hospital where Dr. Forman gave him the news that Bravo was in stable condition. D’Amore promised the unconscious Bravo that justice would be served tonight when Swinger was taken to Wrestlers’ Court.

Match 1: Kiera Hogan and Tasha Steelz vs. Sea Stars (Delmi Exo and Ashley Vox) – Knockouts Tag Team Championship tournament match

Delmi was the largest person in the match, and she used her size and strength advantage early on to try for early pin attempts on Kiera. Steelz and Vox tagged in, and they were pretty even, until some dirty tactics by Hogan from the outside gave her team the edge. But Delmi got back in and her strength saw her throw Hogan hard onto Steelz, and then the Stars hit a couple of neat successive drivers that nearly kept Hogan down. Steelz broke things up and she went all whirling dervish on Nox on the floor. This left Delmi prone to a Spinning Neckbreaker by Hogan and the pin.

This was a good match, and a nice introduction for the Sea Stars. Hopefully they stick around, because they were pretty entertaining. Between Josh Matthews and his commentary partner Matt Striker, taking Madison Rayne’s place, they made about two dozen water-related puns during this match, and they were reel-y funny.

Winners: Kiera Hogan and Tasha Steelz

Backstage, Jordynne Grace was shown watching the match with ECW original Jazz. Gia Miller interviewed them and Jazz confirmed that she was going to be Grace’s partner in the tournament, as she wanted one more title run before she retires.

Backstage, Ethan Page told Josh Alexander that Doc Gallows was going to be out of commission for 4 to 6 weeks, implying that he was responsible. Alexander wasn’t pleased, since it means that the Good Brothers weren’t going to be able to compete, and therefore there was no chance for The North to beat them for the titles. Page tried to convince Alexander that things would work out fine, but Alexander wasn’t happy.

Wrestlers’ Court Segment

They started off with a parody of The People’s Court, complete with voice-over introduction. This was hilarious, with lots of throwback references and jokes. Tommy Dreamer was introduced as the judge, but had to recuse himself since he was the person who accused Swinger of shooting Bravo. He switched to the prosecutor role, and Judge D-Lo Brown took over behind the bench.

Dreamer and Madison Rayne, Swinger’s defense lawyer, made their opening arguments, with Rayne making the argument that Swinger wasn’t capable of pulling off a mastermind criminal plan.

Witnesses for the prosecution were Fallah Bahh, Cody Deaner, and Acey Romero. Swinger tried to bribe the judge, but D-Lo wasn’t having any of it. This was really funny.

Match 2: Rohit Raju vs. Suicide

Rohit Raju came out for the Defeat Rohit challenge for the X-Division championship. He cut a great pre-match promo, just over-the-top obnoxious. Suicide came out to answer the challenge. Rohit intimated that he knew who it was behind the mask (suspecting it to be TJP), and said that he didn’t deserve a title show, so the match would not be for the title.

Suicide took early control with fast high-flying moves, but when they returned from commercial, Rohit was in control. Rohit kept trying to remove Suicide’s mask between hitting power moves like a few Spinning Neckbreaker and a flying Uranage. Raju finally tore the mask off, but before he could see who his opponent truly was, TJP’s music hit and he came to the entrance ramp. This distracted Rohit, and Suicide took advantage, rolling up Rohit with a Crucifix Sunset Flip into a pin. After the match, Raju pitched a fit while TJP and Steve celebrated on the stage.

Winner: Crazzy Steve

Backstage, Sami Callihan pumped up Ken Shamrock, who will be challenging Rich Swann for the World Championship later tonight. Moose entered and told Ken that if Ken won the title, he’d have to defend it against Moose, and reminded him that the last time they met, Moose won the match. Ken got angry and challenged Moose to a fight right there and then, but Sami talked him down.

Tenille Dashwood and Kaleb were talking fashion but were interrupted by Alisha Edwards. Alisha suggested that they should tag again, despite them losing in their tournament match last week. Dashwood was reluctant, but agreed.

Match 3: Kimber Lee (w/ Deonna Purazzo) vs. Killer Kelly (w/ Renee Michelle)

Lee was on fire early on, immediately battering Kelly and heaving her across the ring. On commentary, Josh Matthews and Matt Striker suggested that Lee was trying to send a message out to Su Yung, Lee hit Kelly with several strong forearms until Kelly caught one, locked up Lee’s arms, and then hit an Overhead Suplex for a near fall. Kelly hit a big dropkick, but Lee thwarted the follow-up top rope move with a well-placed kick and a Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker. Lee followed that up with a Swanton and got the pin.

After the match, creepy music hit and Susie walked out onto the ramp. Susie said that Lee and Purrazzo had hurt her friends, and that now another friend was here, and they would have to atone. She turned her back, and the arena went red. Su Yung then came out beside Susie, and she hit the ring. Purrazzo and Lee attacked, but Su Yung destroyed them both. She was about to lock on the Bloody Glove Mandible Claw on Purrazzo, but Lee pulled the champ to safety. As all of this happened, Susie simply stood on the entrance ramp with her back to the ring. After Su Yung left, Susie turned back around, perhaps afraid by her own inner beast.

The match was good, although having Kelly lose so convincingly doesn’t seem to give her much of a chance in the tournament, so maybe that wasn’t the best choice. The post-match angle was really well done, and particularly with having both Susie and Su Yung standing beside each other – that was a neat trick to pull off.

Winner: Kimber Lee

Gia Miller interviewed the Motor City Machine Guns, reunited again now that Alex Shelley has returned from his injury. They said their plans included taking out XXXL, then The North, then beating the Good Brothers to regain the Tag Team Championship

Rich Swann came up to Willie Mack in his locker room. Willie complained that the referee should not have ended the match last week. Chris Bey interrupted the conversation, and Swann didn’t take too kindly to that. Bey suggested that Swann stop wasting time with a “loser” like Mack and instead grant him a title match – assuming Swann gets past Ken Shamrock.

Match 4: Ethan Young (w/ Josh Alexander) vs. “The Phenomenal One”

For the introduction of the “Phenomenal One,” Karl Anderson came onto the entrance ramp. He said that Doc Gallows wasn’t able to be there, because Ethan Page assaulted him. He said that if Page could beat an opponent of Anderson’s choosing, the North would get a title shot. AJ Styles’ old TNA music hit, but instead, it was the “Wee-nomenal One,” AJ Swoggle. Yes, it was Swoggle dressed up like AJ Styles. Page was amused by this turn of events, and cockily got down to his knees. Swoggle surprised him with some punches and a tilt-a-whirl head scissors. But then Alexander hit Swoggle from the outside while Page distracted the ref, and Swoggle was in trouble. Page got over-confident and after hitting a couple of big moves, picked up Swoggle and broke up the sure pinfall win. Page’s hubris would be his bigger opponent, though, and when he decided to attack Anderson on the floor, Swoggle sneaked up behind Page and rolled him up for the shocking pin.

After the match, Page threw a tantrum, embarrassed by what happened, while Alexander tried to console him to no avail. Not sure if this is all building to a breakup of The North, but if so, comedy may not be the best way to do this. Either way, the comedy wasn’t particularly good.

Winner: AJ Swoggle

Wrestlers’ Court Segment

Swinger was on the stand. He denied shooting Bravo, made a classic OJ Simpson reference, and then suggested that it was someone else who did the crime. Dreamer seemed swayed by Swinger’s compelling argument.

Dreamer then called Father James Mitchell to the stand. Dreamer asked Mitchell about “virgin blood” and Mitchell said that it could have magical properties.

Cut to Rosemary on the stand, and Dreamer grilled her about her relationship with Bravo. He asked her outright if she ever loved Bravo, and she said emphatically “No!” She said that she was only after his virgin blood in order to harvest it and gain control of the underworld.

Bravo shocked everyone when he appeared in the back of the courtroom, still in his hospital gown, and blew up at Rosemary for her deceit.

Based on her testimony, D-Lo concluded that Rosemary shot Bravo. But Bravo said that she wasn’t the guilty party, and that even though he didn’t see who shot him, he could smell him.

Back from break, and Larry D was on the stand. He denied shooting Bravo, and the polygraph confirmed he was being truthful. Dreamer sprayed Larry with cologne, and Larry’s sexy heartthrob persona Lawrence D emerged. He confessed to shooting Bravo, because he was jealous of his relationship with Rosemary. As a result, Judge D-Lo found Swinger to be Not Guilty, and he was released from custody.

This segment wasn’t as clever as the first segment, and dragged a bit. And, in the tradition of Maggie Simpson shooting Mr. Burns, the actual resolution was a bit lackluster; Larry D is barely an entity on his own right, much less for him to have a second personality who was barely even a blip on the Wrestle House segments where he was introduced. In totality, the segments worked. Not sure if they will continue to do these kinds of comedy segments. But if they do, they need #MoreSwinger – that guy is gold.

Match 5: Fallah Bahh vs. Daivari

The match barely got started when Eric Young and Joe Doering came down to the ring. Doering put down Bahh, and Young dropped Daivari with a Piledrive. Young grabbed a mic and said that the world was sick, but they were the cure. Rhino ran to the ring and tried to take on both of them, but fell to the numbers and ate a beatdown. Young said that the world belongs to him and Doering.

Winner: No contest

Backstage, Swoggle was talking to Crazzy Steve, who was wearing the Suicide costume. TJP came up to them and thanked Steve for his help. Brian Myers came in, insulted all three of them, and left.

Deonna Purrazzo and Kimber Lee approached James Mitchell backstage, and asked for his help against Su Yung. They asked him how to turn her back to Susie, who they felt they could handle. He said he could, for a price… but he cryptically wouldn’t tell them what that price would be.

Match 6: Ken Shamrock (w/ Sami Callihan) vs. Rich Swann (c) – World Championship match

Swann did what he could to avoid getting cornered by Shamrock, but in doing so, he got too close to the ropes and Sami tried to grab his leg. The ref saw it, though, and ejected Callihan from ringside. Shamrock was angry by this turn of events, and made Swann pay for it, slamming him hard into the turnbuckles and then laying on the punishment with stomps and kicks. Swann tried to fight back, but ate a big knee and then more stomps. Shamrock was all over Swann for several minutes, heading into a break.

Back from the commercial, and Swann was fighting back, staggering Shamrock with a series of big fists. But he went for a running attack and Shamrock stopped him cold with a big karate front kick, leading to more stomps. But Swann hit a series of Tornado Kicks that put Shamrock down on his back, but Swann couldn’t hold him down for three. Undaunted, Swann hit more kicks, and then went up top and hit a Frog Splash for a close fall. After the kickout, Shamrock locked on a submission hold, but Swann broke it. Shamrock then clamped on a Rear Naked Choke, but Swann rolled over into it and on top of Shamrock for the pin.

Winner, and still World Champion: Rich Swann

After the match, Shamrock KO’d the ref, and then Sami Callihan ran back to the ring. He hit Swann with a Piledriver, and then went under the ring and grabbed a baseball bat. Before he could injure Swann with it, Eddie Edwards ran in for the save. Actually, he ran in to Shamrock’s boots, but it was enough for Swann to escape. But Edwards would pay for it, and Sami and Ken tied his arms to the ropes in the corner. Sami whacked a helpless Eddie with the bat, bloodying him up good.

This prompted D-Lo Brown to come out with a number of refs and security. Shamrock cold-cocked D-Lo and started ground-and-pounding him, prompting Scott D’Amore to run to the ring. The show ended with everyone yelling at Sami and Shamrock, who defiantly stood in the ring, celebrating their heinous actions.

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