Haiku in Review IV: Spinning Wheeler on AEW Rampage

Tommy "Milagro" Martinez

Haiku in Review IV: Spinning Wheeler on AEW Rampage
Courtesy of AEW

It’s Friday night, and you know what that means? Yes, NHL hockey and NBA basketball playoffs are more important than AEW Rampage, as evidenced by getting bumped to an earlier time slot. Now this would bother me to some degree, but not today. Mostly because the matches appear as if they were set up as the fire sale of AEW Dark: Elevation.

So, once again, Tony Khan, I must deliver this recap as a Haiku In Review™. As for everyone else reading…you’re welcome, and please share with others. Sharing is caring, or something.

We are (taped) from the FLA Live arena in Sunrise, Fl. Excalibur, Tony Schiavone, and Jim Ross have the call and the First Match of the night is a tag match between…

Courtesy of AEW

Jay White and Juice Robinson vs. Shawn Spears and Ricky Starks

So the former Bullet Club members are causing a stir in the company, and Spears and Starks have a bone to pick with them. But let’s get the first Haiku out of the way.

*ahem*

Starks and Spears tee off

On Bullet Club. But White hits

Blade Runner and Breathes.

Your Winners via Pinfall: Jay White and Juice Robinson

Backstage, Lexy Nair is with The Hardys and Hook to talk up The Firm Deletion match, and what an apt title for how I feel about this feud.

How bad was this segment? Well, bad enough for another Haiku.

*ahem*

Firm want Hardys and

Will drop Kassidy bad. Matt swears

A Firm Deletion.

Oh, I’m just getting warmed up. Because the next match is…

Naturally Limitless (Keith Lee and Dustin Rhodes) vs Brady Pierce and Charlie James

Pierce has been featured in the NWA as part of the Spectaculars. But, we know where this is heading, right? Therefore…

*ahem*

Rhodes and Lee prove that

They are Naturally a

Limitless tag team.

Your Winners via Pinfall: Keith Lee and Dustin Rhodes

After the match, The Mogul Embassay (Brian Cage, Prince Nana, Toa Leona, Kaun, and Swerve Strickland) stood on the stage staring at Lee and Rhodes menacingly. So, that feud looks to be far from over.

Lexy Nair is about to interview Sammy Guevara and his alliance with MJF, but Tay Melo dismisses her and berates her husband for aligning with him. He’s better than this, Melo says, and he needs to gain some perspective.

This reminds me of the bit I heard from Jim Jefferies’ recent comedy special about the saying, “Happy Wife, Happy Life.” Jefferies notes there is no such saying for a happy husband, but if there was, it would go, “Happy Husband. What’s he done now?”, or “Happy Husband. We’ll see about that!” This is the epitome of that bit.

This is also evidence I mentioned to my friend/lawyer that these types of comments are what’s going to ensure I stay single for a very long time.

Ladies: You have been warned.

Speaking of ladies, let’s go to some women’s wrestling with…

Courtesy of AEW

Anna Jay A.S. vs. Ashley D’Amboise

Recently, D’Amboise has spent time in the NWA as well, as well as on AEW Dark. As for this match? Well…

*ahem*

Jay A.S. proves

She will always be a Queen

Slayer to D’Amboise.

Your Winner via Submission: Anna Jay A.S.

The lights went out after the match and when they came back on, Julia Hart attacked Jay A.S. However, she ended up getting the advantage with stretching Hart’s back on the ring post in a bow and arrow maneuver, and my only question in this heel versus heel matchup is: Why? What is the end game this can possibly serve up?

The Outcasts are backstage in their new Britt Baker black eye tees. Saraya says next week she will face Willow Nightingale and walk her like a dog and show her that AEW is her house.

I gotta say, I like the direction these three have taken of late. Here’s hoping we get more segments like this in the future.

And on the subject of things I wanna see less of, here’s a (and I use the term loosely) trios match with…

The Acclaimed (Max Caster and Anthony Bowens and Daddy Ass) vs. three unannounced wrestlers

The match is barely worth a mention on AEW Dark, nor are the wrestlers involved. I don’t have a problem with the talent, but the booking is not making me wanna rush to watch this either, let alone hope this crushes WWE in counter-programming.

So, enjoy this next Haiku:

*ahem*

Sneak attack plan is

Thwarted. Arrival and Mic Drop.

Scissor me, Daddy!

Your Winners via Pinfall: The Acclaimed and Daddy Ass

Mark Henry is backstage with Jay Lethal and Cash Wheeler. Lethal says they’ll beat him like Jeff Jarrett did to Dax Harwood and Wheeler counters that they anticipated they will cheat, so they have a special enforcer tonight in Mark Brsicoe to keep things fair.

Well, that’s been enough talk, because it’s time for the Main Event with…

Courtesy of AEW

Jay Lethal (with Sonjay Dutt, Satnam Singh, and Jeff Jarrett) vs. Cash Wheeler (with Dax Harwood)

Mark Briscoe parks a chair and makes sure there are no shenanigans tonight, but it looks like that will be tough, given his relationship with FTR and Lethal. On paper, this match should be exciting. In execution (I hate to say) it needs a final Haiku:

*ahem*

Lethal and Wheeler

Fight hard. Dutt interferes and

Injection for win

Your Winner via Pinfall: Jay Lethal

Briscoe didn’t see Lethal shove Wheeler into him and questioned Wheeler after the match about what happened. This may cause some division between the ROH star and FTR, as the show fades to black.

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