It’s not Saturday Night, but ‘tis Christmas with AEW COLLISION on a special night. You know what that means?
Yep. I’m phoning it in and will give you the action as it comes to you (taped) from the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York City. Nigel McGuinness, Tonya Schiavone have the call. But before I dive in, a quick…
(Author’s Note: As I checked the archives, it looks like I’ve done this before. But hey…it’s always good to revisit a classic and give it a new spin. Even though somewhere, Clement Clark-Moore and “Leaping” Lanny Poffo are turning in their graves at this mishmash. Oh, well. Ya get what ya pay for.)
And without further ado, enjoy a poetic rendition of…
‘Twas the Night Before Collision (Part Deux)
*ahem*
‘Twas the night before Collision
And all through the Ballroom,
The sickos were rowdy this night
(Which is better than a meeting on ZOOM.)
The matches were stacked
In the Gold League of the Continental Classic.
Plus, the Babes of Wrath were in tag action,
And you know that’s fantastic.
The show starts hot with Jack Perry and Kyle Fletcher. By far
In a hard-fought match, the win is earned by the Protostar.
Up next is Mascara Dorada and Knonsuke Takeshita, and the latter is full of ire.
And he takes down the masked superstar with the Raging Fire.
After a pep talk from Kyle O’ Reilly, Roderick Strong faced Claudio Castagnoli,
And the Death Rider went Stiff towards the Messiah (and those shots didn’t look phony).
Strong managed to get the win with a jump knee,
Which secured the pin and the win, much to his glee.
After the match, chaos erupted with no hesitation,
And Strong got the save by “timeless” Toni Storm and Mark Briscoe of the Conglomeration.
Then the show really soared between Kevin Knight and the Bastard PAC.
But he managed to ground the Jet with a Brutalizer, and that’s a fact.
But the match was all for nought, as we all saw
The match end for both men in a draw.
Now, Gabe Kidd is out with words for Darby Allin and spitting hard
That fan favorite is in the ICU marred.
But what should arose with the speed of a cat
But Allin in the flesh wielding Sting’s bat.
After he ran off Kidd, a message did he send,
“See you at World’s End.”
Now we have Women’s tag action (hooray)
And it’s the Babes of Wrath out here to play.
On Cameron! On Nightingale! (I heard myself say)
As Hyan and Maya World were squashed without delay.
After the match, the Women’s tag champs had a Christmas story, too.
And the gist of it is: They want to beat Mercedes Mone and Athena at the World’s End pay-per-view.
It’s back to the Classic with Orange Cassidy and Jon Moxley,
And both men spare no expense getting down and dirty.
The fight goes in and out of the ring at the Hammerstein
But Mox guts it out and pins OC with a rollup (I guess that’s fine).
And to end this Collision, finally,
Are Kazuchika Okada and “Speedball” Mike Bailey.
After hold for counterhold, this match was jam-packed,
Until The Rainmaker won by pinning Bailey and folding him up in a stack.
And now the show’s over, and I can put this recap to bed
Because writing this after dealing with family has left me near dead.
But gentle readers, I type this to you, TK, his Booker Monkeys™, in saying,
“Merry Christmas, All Elite Wrestling!”
