“Iron” Mike Tyson is in the building, and even though it’s still WrestleMani-ehh week, you know business is going to pick up tonight. Nick Tylwalk, your “SLAM-merican Nightmare” is away on assignment, and I’ll be your Q-“Tommy” Marshall, but without the disgruntlement. I’m just a hair gruntled.
We start with a cold open with the Inner Circle rolling up in various Fast and Furious vehicles to start the show.
J.R. notes, as always, that “It’s Wednesday night. You know what that means.” And my inner Yakko, Wakko, and Dot Warner instinctively reply, “To cancel culture? To adjust to the new normal?” Also, there’s *no* chance it’s time for the Wheel of Morality, because it’s AEW Dynamite, live from Daily’s Place in Jacksonville, FL. Excalibur, Tony Schiavone, and Jim Ross have the call, and there’s no time to lose, because our First Match is…
“Hangman” Adam Page vs. “Platinum” Max Caster (with Anthony Bowens)
Max Caster comes and freestyles for the fans, because he grinds like Lil Nas X, but Page kicks out Bowens and stomps a mud hole in Caster’s flow. Because, y’know…Cowboy S***. The entire match is in high gear for the Hangman, until he goes out the ring to crotch Caster in the ring post. Bowens gets in Page’s face, and Caster uses the opportunity to pull Page in to the ring post to hurt his shoulder. With Page favoring the busted side, and Caster slamming him into the barricades outside before sending him back to the ring, he has control, but not for long as Page takes his outside the ring and does a back bodydrop onto the ring edge. Page goes up top for a high risk maneuver, but Bowens distracts again, but Caster gets a pop up superplex and an arm submission that Page manages to escape. Page tries to go for the DeadEye, but more shenanigans as Bowens slides a boom box to caster in full view of the ref. While the ref tries to send the boom box out, Caster wraps his hand in the Platinum chain on his fist to knock out Page. Caster covers, but Page kicks out at two. Caster goes up top for a Mic Drop elbow, but misses. Page has Bowens taken out with a moonsault, then back in with a Buckshot Lariat that gets the win.
Your Winner via Pinfall: “Hangman” Adam Page
Afterwards, Ross lets us know that it’s National Beer Day, and Page shares his beer with the (socially distanced crowd). Truthfully, the way he drinks, every day is National Beer Day. It is for me.
Tony Schiavone is in the ring with Death Triangle (PAC, Rey Fenix, and Penta El Zero M). They have a shot at the tag titles. But before they can speak, The Pixies music brings in Orange Cassidy. Cassidy is glad they’re back, but so are Best Friends members Chuck Taylor, Trent, and now Kris Statlander. Also Cassidy remembers getting jumped last year, and the memory is still freshly squeezed (sorry, couldn’t help myself). PAC says to jag off, and Trent says to chill out. They’ll get their turn soon, but for now the boys are back in town (oh, and also aliens, too).
Cutaway of the new Jacksonville Jaguar coach Urban Meyer and Mike Tyson talking, and I know a certain lawyer that would dig that exchange, eh Ed Brass?
(This exchange really works if you follow Very Important Sports, or #VIS in Utah.)
The audience sing along to Judas means the Inner Circle is back, and Chris Jericho says they got a lot to say… after the commercial break. Wait, what? No picture in picture?! Ok, fine, I have questions to ponder, like: Why is Jericho saying they saying they’re Back in Black, when *clearly* they’re aping KISS’s Destroyer album look?
What? We’re back? Well, we’ll come back to that another day, I guess, and Jericho says they were beat down by the pineapple (Guevara whispers in his ear)… err Pinnacle. He admits MJF is his jerkoff friend, and Jericho just wanted him under the thumb and be part of the Inner Circle. He looks forward to giving him another swirly, and wants a Blood and Guts match on May 5th. Looks like we’re picking everything back up from when the pandemic shut things down
Daisha Gonzalez with Christian Cage, and how he took back the chance to wrestle and how Frankie Kazarian brought his “A” Game. Everyone levels up with Christian, and Taz comes in and wants Cage to join Team Taz to help him and everyone else. Cage demurs, but Taz is all, “Just think about it, bro.”
Jurassic Express vs. Bear Country in a Godzilla vs. Kong match.
As Tarzan introduces Jungle Boy and Luchasaurus (seriously, how is Tony Khan ponying up the cash for the song rights?), we get Bear Country, and they are Bear Boulder (bearded) and Bear Bronson (mullet); the rarest of God’s murder machines (don’t @ me, Stephen Colbert!), and to quote Todd Keneley from the United Wrestling Network, this match will be entering “the land of the big uglies.”
Jurassic Express start with high octane offense, and big move of the night comes from a suicide dive by Jungle Boy to the outside, followed closely by Luchasaurus with a rope assisted senton from the ring to the Bears. Bear country aren’t without impressive moves of their own, as Jungle Boy goes for a huracarrana, but Bear Bronson holds on. Even with a cross body by Luchasaurus, he bounces off the bearded bear, and then Jungle Boy gets power bombed.
During picture in picture, Bear 2 just ups the damage to Jungle Boy to make him your Ape Man in Peril, as Bear Country tag team efforts isolate Jungle Boy. A quick escape from the Bears involve a quick tag to Luchasaurus, and he’s your Dino En Fuego. Tail whip to the Bears, and Luchasaurus goes up top. He’s met by Bear Bronson for a superplex, and gets a one count. Jungle boy back with a springboard DDT to Boulder, and lucha covers for a count of two. Lucha covers again, but Bronson slams Jungle Boy onto Luchasaurus’ back to break the count. Bear Country utilize a unique piggyback to a cannonball senton for a count of two. But never count out a dinosaur, as jungle Boy sends Boulder to the outside and Luchasaurus hits the Mesozoic moonsault to gets the win for the team.
Your Winners via Pinfall: Jurassic Express
Now to QT Marshall with Anthony Ogogo, Aaron Solow and Nick Comoroto. He says he has got credentials to back him up over the years, while Cody Rhodes went to the Indies to surround himself with vanilla midgets. GT States that they’re more than what society named them like “just a boxer” (Ogogo), or “just the muscle” (Comoroto), or “just the fiancé (Solow…Ding Dong! Hello!), and this is his f***ing factory. Comoroto splashes blue paint on the Nightmare Factory logo to close out the segment.
Schiavone in the ramp, with the snow falling to “Interview Sting.” Anyone wanna bet he gets interrupted? Too late, since Jake “The Snake” Roberts comes out to interrupt. Now Lance Archer comes out, and is sick of not being in the main event, since it’s his time. Sting grabs the mic, and tells him to be the main guy and not disappear every time, and He yells at Roberts to ensure he doesn’t disappear. (Note to Nick: if Sting does an interview in three months without a single interruption, please record for posterity?)
Now Team Taz is up and they’re bickering a bit, but Taz calls for cooler heads. How long will that last?
TNT Championship Match: Darby Allin (c) (with Sting) vs. JD Drake (with Cesar Bononi and Ryan Nemeth)
First time seeing JD Drake, who has a young Trevor Murdoch look to him, mixed with a few dashes of Kevin Steen (what? Who’s this “Kevin Owens” guy you’re talking about, folks?).
Moving along, Drake tries to chops down the champ to wear him down, but Allin with a suicide dive takedown to the outside leaves Drake discombobulated. Allin goes up top, but a Drake shoulder tackle knocks him down. Now Nemeth is in the champ’s face, until Sting scares him off. Drake keeps wearing down the champ. Allin tries to fire up his high-octane offense, but Drake methodically wears down the champ. Missile dropkick by Drake knocks Allin down and Allin goes out for a powder to collect himself. Drake gives chase, and bounces Allin off the ropes to a clothesline on the outside. Drake gets greedy and goes for a cannonball senton that misses, and he gets the barricade. Then Allin takes both Bononi and Drake out at the same time with a Swanton bomb from up top the ring pots to the outside. Drake gets back in control, and gets Allin in a tree of woe and hits another cannonball senton, followed by a Vader Bomb and only a close two count is what he gets. Drake with a moonsault misses the target, and Allin gets back up top, and Drake catches him. Both men are chopping each other up top, and Allin nails an avalanche Code Red, followed closely by a Coffin Drop for the win.
Your Winner and Still TNT Champion: Darby Allin.
Allin celebrates until The Butcher and The Blade come and punk out Allin, and toss him unceremoniously. Bunny comes out to scream…something with words, I think, and they get run off by The Dark Order. Now Tay Conti locks eyes on to Bunny, and it’s a brawl as refs come out to unsuccessfully separate them.
Back to Alex Marvez, and while Chris Jericho is stunned by his beauty, Pinnacle attacks, and send him to the ring to hurt Le Champion. Spike Piledriver by FTR, then the AEW-TRON shows Inner Circle locked in their dressing room, trying to break out. It looks bleak, but…waitasec…”Iron” Mike Tyson is in the ring, and he rocks Shawn Spears with a flurry of punches that I pray to the Gods are being pulled. Damn, Tyson is jacked. Now a tense exchange, and a show of respect between Jericho and Tyson as the Inner Circle stand tall…because screw Pineapples. I hate those guys!
Schiavone now with Dr. Britt Baker D.M.D. and Reba. She states the rankings are b.s., and should be based on merchandise sold and star power. Dr. Baker likes to remind us that you can catch her climbing up to the top on AEW DARK, ELEVATION and DYNAMITE. Shameless plug, but I dig it.
The Bunny (w/Matt Hardy, The Butcher & The Blade) vs. Tay Conti (w/Evil Uno, Stu Grayson, 10 & -1 “Brodie Lee Jr.”)
While Anna Jay recovers away, Tay Conti will come out to make the Bunny pay. Boy, does she ever, as it is a slugfest to start the match, but Bunny claws at Conti’s back. But Conti’s delivers more offense in the form of a shoulder capture suplex that knocks Bunny out for the ring.
Outside, Bunny is in her element, dropkicking low to Conti to the barricades to stun her. She drags Conti inside, Bunny is in the driver’s seat, delivering knees to Conti and a high knee lift to knock her down. Bunny covers for a two count. During picture in picture, Bunny has got all the advantage but then Conti comes back and Judo throws Bunny around the ring. A knee to the back knocks down the Bunny, and Conti covers for two. Now the AEW Women’s champion Hikaru Shida comes out with the Dark Order, but Conti gets Bunny in the Tay-KO. Interference between the two factions and Shida distract the ref just enough for Bunny to grab the kendo stick of Shida and cracks it in Conti arm. While Conti favors the arm, Bunny goes up top with the kendo stick, but Shida takes it back. Conti back up top to meet Bunny with a superplex, and a hammerlock DD-Tay gets the three count.
Your Winner via Pinfall: Tay Conti.
But now it’s time for The Main Event…
Trios Match: Jon Moxley & AEW World Tag Team Champions The Young Bucks vs. AEW World Champion Kenny Omega & The Good Brothers (w/Don Callis)
Big story of the night is how Don Callis is playing mind games with the Young Bucks in turning away from Omega’s friendship. Only time will tell how much this plays into the story. Matt and Anderson start, but then Anderson tags in Omega. Collar and elbow turns to a shoving match, with Matt showing more emotion into this match. Now Nick tags in, and outwrestles the “Wrestling God” Omega. Now the “Machine Gun” tags in, and Nick takes him out. Gallows comes in to manhandle Nick, and Moxley takes out the big guy. Now it’s stereo suicide dives takes out the (not quite) Bullet Club members on the outside.
Matt comes back into the match and is pushed back to the Good Brothers corner and they just make Matt Jackson a Buck in Peril. An attempted back bodydrop by Karl Anderson has Matt land on his feet and makes the hot tag to John as your Mox En Fuego. He goes after all three trios members and a sleeper hold on the outside to the “Machine Gun”, but Karl guillotines Moxley on the top rope to stop the momentum. Now Gallows takes it to Moxley, but a spinning neckbreaker by Moxley stops that nonsense. Tag in to Nick Jackson and Nick is now a Buck En Fuego with a double foot stomp to Doc’s back, into a backstabber to Karl Anderson.
Now a tag back to Matt Jackson, and Kenny Omega tries to plead to his former friend, but Matt is having none of it as he plants an exclamation DDT to Omega. Match devolves to a Pier Six brawl. All the men brawl outside the ring but Omega is ready with a snapdragon suplex to matt Jackson. Omega lines up for V Trigger but Moxley is back with a clothesline that spins him around and then a piledriver to the AEW champ. Now the Young Bucks deliver the Bang For Your Buck to Omega to cover, and Karl Anderson makes the save to break the count. Nick Jackson goes out and hits an escalera to the outside.
Now both tag champs has Omega in prime position for the BTE Trigger, but …they’re having second thoughts. Moxley is yelling at the both of them, and is being the voice of reason (Yeah. Even I know how that sounds as I type it.). Moxley finally has had enough and tags himself in, and his two Paradigm Shifts, and gets omega in a bulldog choke, but gets superkicked by the Bucks. Now Eddie Kingston comes out to help and gets a Magic Killer by the Good Brothers for his troubles, then they come in the ring to deliver another Magic Killer to Moxley, and drags Omegas carcass to cover for the one, two, and three.
Your Winners via Pinfall: The Good Brothers and Kenny Omega
The Young Bucks still look conflicted. The Good Brothers prop Moxley back up, and they both hit a superkick. Chants of “You Sold Out!” echo through Daily’s Place with the former Bullet Club members hugging it out to close the show.
