AEW Collision (and Rampage): No one is Tranquilo in the Main Event

Tommy "Milagro" Martinez

AEW Collision (and Rampage): No one is Tranquilo in the Main Event

It’s Saturday night and it’s still all right for fighting (including if you’re a football fan that saw Utah trounce Arizona State 55-3. I understand if you hate that score if you live in Arizona, but please know this: there is nothing good about your state and there never will be, and you deserve all the suffering in collegiate sports coming your way. If you feel differently, get on my level and then write your own recap. Until then, know that your opinion is no better than a sub-Reddit “opinion.”)

Anyways, we got The Acclaimed celebrating their Trios streak of a whopping 69 days (calm yourselves), and there is an eight-man tag match with FTR and LaFaccion Ingobernable facing Big Bill and Ricky Starks with the Gates of Agony

But let’s address your…

Rapid Rampage in Review

Again, this was a semi-decent Rampage. Too bad there were some empty seats shown during the action, but this may be a case of “too little, too late” as far as the booking on the show goes. But here’s what happened…

Penta defeated Komander and El Hijo del Vikingo.

Seriously, watch for yourself, because no recapping of mine can do it justice.

The Gunns beat Matt Sydal and Christopher Daniels.

  • The Gunns called out MJF and they want the ROH Tag Team tiles, and they will challenge him at Full Gear.

Skye Blue overcame Marina Shafir

  • Shafir went for a submission but Blue bit her on the side, and Blue landed Code Blue and that was a problem…

Daniel Garcia beat Trent Beretta.

  • Garcia was aggressive throughout the match and took pains to soften Beretta’s neck before locking in a crossface variation.
  • After the match, Garcia called out MJF for the AEW Championship on next week’s Dynamite, proclaiming he is the best pro wrestl…err, the best Sports Entertainer

Now let’s gets to your…

AEW Collision

We come to you from the InTruist Bank Arena in Wichita, KS. Nigel McGuinness, Kevin Kelly , and Tony Schiavone have the call, anf your First Match of the night is….

Courtesy of AEW

Swerve Strickland vs. AR Fox

This began before they entered the ring…

They brawled around and then the match finally got into the ring as Strickland bails and Fox follows with a dive. Then it is move for countermove until Strickland flips Fox on the Apron edge.

The Gates of Agony comes out and gives Fox a slam on the ring cables mid-chest, and during Picture in Picture, Strickland stays on offense and toys with Fox as he gets a DDT between the ropes, then a twisting Vertical suplex, followed by 450 for a two count, and Strickland stun guns him on the ropes, and Fox hits a flatliner from the top rope. Then Fox rolls forward, but Strickland counters with a swinging neckbreaker, and a JML gets him a two-count. He continues with innovative offense and s double stomp finishes it.

Your Winner via Pinfall: Swerve Strickland

Fox is surrounded until FTR comes out and they go to war, but Bill and Starks join the fun. Now La Faccion Ingobernable come out to event the odds. FTR offers their hands and LFI pushes them aside.

Meanwhile. The House of Black is watching as well in Wichita, KS. Maybe they will be involved tonight? Who’s to say?

We also get a Daniel Garcia Vignette

Next up is Jay White on beat MJF during the tag match and He and the Bang Bang Gang have a lot to say:

Lexy Nair is backstage with Kip Sabian, and he is pissed off that Mark Briscoe, but he brings two guys out to be his Sex Stallions: The Workhosemen Anthony Henry and JD Drake

Please, hold your enthusiasm. Especially since Roderick Strong wheels out with The Kingdom and says no one takes neck health seriously and he will show ADAM! neck health is important.

So your neck…er…next match is…

The Kingdom vs. Jobbers Du Jour

Yeah, since AEW doesn’t bother to announce these dudes, allow me to describe this as a Haiku in Review™:

*ahem*

ADAM! See how The

Kingdom makes short work with

A spike piledriver.

Your Winners The Kingdom

As one of the guys tries to make a comeback, Strong gets out of the wheelchair gives him a knee lift and as McGuiness says, he “fights through the pain”.

Oh, the bravery.

Christian Cage is the patriarch of AEW after taking Nick Wayne under his wing, and he is the epitome of The Power of DoucheNozzlery™.

Lexy Nair is now with Mark Briscoe on his upcoming challenge with Kip Sabian and the Sex Stallions. Before he can answer, FTR offers their services, but Mark has someone in mind for tonight and thanks them for their time.

So Let’s go to the ring for…

Darby Allin vs. Lance Archer (with Jake “The Snake” Roberts)

The Murderhawk is able to overpower Allin early like in matches before, but he tries to make it up in quickness. At one point, Archer attempts the tightrope walk, but Allin trips him up and then launches at him like a battering ram. On the outside, Archer slams him on the ramp and then launches Allin with a release suplex.

During Picture in Picture, Archer keeps him grounded, and then,

Ads (again, what is the point with Picture in Picture!! UGH!!!)

We come back and Archer has him propped up on top of the turnbuckle but Allin fights through the pain. Archer attempts Blackout, but Allin reverses to a Stunner and goes for a Coffin Drop but The Murderhawk launches him with a release German suplex. Then he chokeslams him hard as Allin bounces off the apron edge. Roberts gets ready to use the skateboard Allin rode in on, and the ref ejects him. As Archer disputes this, he then turns to Allin for a choke slam and bites his hand, and Allin reverses with a sunset powerbomb and connects for the pin.

Your Winner Via Pinfall: Darby Allin

Roberts cuts the music after the match and brings out some new guys he recruited.

Yep, The Righteous came out to prove Roberts is building an army. As Allin watches, Archer is behind him and he delivers The Blackout to send the message.

Nair with Statlander, Willow Nightingale, and Skye Blue.

Blue says she did this for Willow, not Statlander. As she walks off. Nightingale tries to assure the TBS champion that they are all friends.

Yeah. Sure.

Nair now has Alex Abrahantes and The Hype Man says lucha is great. Swerve Stricklandbegs to differ and Abrahantes offers Penta O M for Dynamite next week, and he accepts.

I mean it would take Cero Miedo to land a Killshot on the luchador.

(see what I did there?)

Now for The Acclaimed’s 69 Day Championship Celebration, and let me just say in an…

(Author’s Rant: As titillating as the number sounds, there is nothing interesting about it. Don’t believe me? Then listen to a modern-day philosopher explain why this is not good.)

Anyways, streamers hit and the sexual innuendo is priceless. We gets a video of MJF saying Max Caster has earned his respect.

After that, Wichita Tells Gunn, “Scissor me Daddy!”

However…

Dalton Castle comes out with his Boys., and The Party Peacock comes out. He signals the Boys to bring the trophy and Castle trashes it.

So it’s…

The Acclaimed (Max Caster, Anthony Bowens, and “Daddy Ass” Billy Gunn vs. Dalton Castle and The Boys

The Boyss try to hit The Acclaimed with a piñata and they overtake them, and yes this means we get another Haiku In Review™:

*Ahem*

Castle and The Boys

Feel Shiver Me Timbers

For a Mic Drop. Done!

Nair has Andrade El Idolo and she asks about CJ’s offer. He won’t respond, but can we agree he is Hot and Flexible to the offer?

Eh? Ehhh?

Oh, sure! You get bothered by my “69” commentary, but won’t respond to that!

Fine!

Now for…

Kip Sabian and The Workhorsemen vs. Mark Briscoe, Dustin Rhodes, and Keith Lee

Yeah, let’s get to the Haiku in Review™:

Chicken has a lot

Of Limitless potential.

Froggy Bow ends it.

Your Winners via Pinfall: Keith Lee, Dustin Rhodes, and Mark Briscoe

Nair talks to Briscoe after the match and he smells gold. He calls out Jay White for a title shot on the next Dynamite

So let’s get to the women’s actions between…

Willow Nightingale vs. EMI Sakura

This is JOSHI versus The Babe With The Power. At one point, Sakura nails a crossbody that sends Nightingale to the outside and then hits her with another crossbody on the steel steps. Sakura is in control and during Picture in Picture, Nightingale starts to counter and then…

Ads (Again, Tony Khan! What is the point of this if Picture in Picture means Jack Squat!)

We come back and Nightingale fights back and gives Sakura the DVD on the outside of the ring. Then she gets back inside the ring and follows with a missile dropkick for a two-count. They go back and forth and Sakura nails a swinging neckbreaker, but it’s not enough as Nightingale hits a spinebuster for another two and then the Doctor Bomb ends it.

Your Winner via Pinfall: Willow Nightingale

Nair is backstage with Samoa Joe on being the longest reigning ROH Television champion. Joe says he’s knocked out the competition, but Keith Lee comes in and says he hasn’t beaten everyone.

Jim Ross now at commentary for your Main Event, which is an..

FTR (Dax Harwood and Cash Wheeler), La Faccion Ingobernable ( Rush and Preston Vance, with Dralistico and Jose The Assistant) with Dralistico and Jose the Assistant) vs. Ricky Starks and Big Bill and The Gates of Agony (Bishop Kaun and Tao Liona, with Prince Nana)

Both sides go back and forth but once Starks comes into the mix, he and Dax battle before Rush comes in and throws Starks to the barricades. Rush makes sure he is Tranquilo and during Picture in Picture, it’s a Pier Sixteen brawl as Starks sends Harwood to the ring post and he is In Peril.

At one point, Starks gets on the headset commentary calling the shots. As Bill attempts the Elbow Drop, he misses and Rush comes in with the hot tag and he is Tranquilo. Afer the chaos settles, Rush delivers with the Bulls Horns to Kaun and that ends it in one, two, three.

Your Winners via Pinfall: FTR and La Faccion Ingobernable

FTR wanted to shake hands and La Faccion bailed on them, but then The House of Back appear.

Things looked bleak until The Blackpool Combat Club chases The House out.

Looks like we have more strange bedfellows as the show fades to black.

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