AEW Collision (and Rampage)/Battle of the Belts IX: Punches and Poetry Galore

Tommy "Milagro" Martinez

AEW Collision (and Rampage)/Battle of the Belts IX: Punches and Poetry Galore
Courtesy of AEW.

It’s Saturday night, and it’s still all right for fighting (it’s been a week, and you need a release).

Not only do we have FTR and Daniel Garcia waiting to face down the House of Black in The Main Event, but it’s the return of Battle of the Belts IX, and we may see (but don’t hold your breathe) title changes, especially as Sammy Guevara and Chris Jericho will face off for the AEW Tag Team titles.

But let’s catch you up on what happened this past Friday with your…

Rapid Rampage Review In Rhyme

Eddie Kingston defeated Wheeler Yuta to retain the AEW Continental Crown,

While Swerve Strickland simply beat Matt Sydal down.

Hikaru Shida unleashed the Katana on Queen Aminata,

And The Dark Order trounced Matt Menard, Angelo Parker, and Jake Hager (hey ya).

Yet Rampage has yet to overcome ratings compared to Smackdown.

And now we head to…

AEW Collision

We come to you from the Chartway Arena, in Norfolk, VA. Nigel McGuinness, Kevin Kelly, and Tony Schiavone have the call. But Adam Copeland comes out and he’s in his gear so that means he wants to fight. Lee Moriarty and Shane Taylor come out to step up, so that means it’s time for your First Match of the Night as part of the…

Cope Open: Adam Copeland vs. Lee Moriarty (with Shane Taylor)

It’s a good back-and-forth, but Copeland is firmly in the driver’s seat. Moriarty manages to land a missile dropkick and during Picture in Picture, he throws him into the guardrails and starts showboating on the Rated R Superstar. Copeland comes back with a uranage and plants him face first to the mat, and then nails Moriarty with an Edge-O-Matic…err, Cope-o-Matic for a two count. He goes up top but Moriarty stops him, and gives a nasty arm, and covers for a count of two. He locks in a cross face and Copeland inches to the bottom ring ropes to break the submission. Moriarty stomps him and then goes up top. Copeland catches him with clubbing blows and gives an avalanche fallaway slam from up top. As he sets up for the spear, Taylor distracts long enough for Moriarty to land a running boot. Copeland goes out of the ring, and spears Taylor, but Moriarty follows with a tope suicida then gets in the ring for a submission but Copeland fights out. He gives the upstart blows to the back of the neck and then a boot to the face and a backbreaker followed by a crossface (called the Grindhouse) to tap out.

Your Winner via Submission: Adam Copeland

On the mic, Copeland calls out Christian Cage and is looking to beat his scrawny ass.

Lexy Nair is backstage with FTR and García on being on the same page. It’s about revenge and they’ll dance all over the House once the job is done.

Now Guevara and Jericho predict they will be champs again. They will seek and destroy and be Le Champions of the world

But let’s get to the ring as Bobby Cruise announces it’s time for the…

Courtesy of AEW.

Ring of Honor World Six-Man Tag Team Championship: Brian Cage and The Gates of Agony (Bishop Kaun and Toa Liona)(c) vs The Righteous (Vincent and Dutch) and Lance Archer (with Jake “The Snake” Roberts)

The beginning of the match is a hoss fight with Archer and Cage hammering at each other. There is no time for “Meat” chants as Vincent comes in and then faces Liona. They isolate the Righteous one in their corner and he is in Peril. During Picture in Picture, it is a Pier Six brawl, and Cage and Archer pick up where they left off and then…

Ads (I’m not upset because this is a heel versus heel match and I wonder what exactly the endgame is.)

We come back and it’s still a slugfest, as everyone is firing live rounds and Dutch wipes out most of the Mogul Embassy on the floor. The Righteous almost pins Kaun but Cage breaks the count. Vincent locks in a guillotine chokes on Liona but he reverses and delivers a double underhook facebuster, so that means…

Your Winners, and Stille ROH Six-Man Tag Team Champions: Brian Cage and The Gates of Agony

Prince Nana gets on the mic and puts over The Gates of Agony. Then he goes after the Bang Bang Gang and how White could not beat Strickland in the Continental Classic. Nana issues a challenge next Wednesday in six-man action.

Nair tries to interview Preston Vance and The Undisputed Kingdom interrupts him. Vance says after he beats Cassidy for the International championship, he will grant a title shot to Roderick Strong. They are all for that.

Let’s head back ringside for…

Courtesy of AEW.

Dustin Rhodes vs. Willie Mack

We’re getting this because…why not? It is a good back-and-forth match, and Mack gives a standing moonsault with a Goldust twist for a two count. He goes up top for a frog splash that misses and Rhodes lands with a Canadian destroyer and a powerslam for a two count. Mack comes back with a step-up enzugiri in the corner. He rushes at him, but Rhodes gets a boot up, hits the Cross Rhodes, and then finishes him off with an elevated Cross Rhodes for three count.

Your Winner via Pinfall: Dustin Rhodes

Rhodes picks up Mack and raises his hand in a show of respect.

Backstage, Bullet Club Gold gives props to the Mogul Embassy and tells them next week that they have two words for them: Guns Up.

Backstage, Hook is getting ready for something.

Dustin Rhodes is talking with Renee Paquette and Christian Cage and The Patriarchy interrupts. Rhodes issues a challenge for Cage to put up the TNT Title next Wednesday on Dynamite. Cage agrees, but says it’s a pity his dad wasn’t around to see him fail. Rhodes is about to get in his grill but thinks better and walks off.

Ouch.

Next up, because Virginia is apparently for Cowboy Sh*t, it’s…

“Hangman” Adam Page vs. JD Drake (with Anthony Henry)

Page is still in a fighting mood, and I feel like a Haiku in Review is in order…

*Ahem*

Workhorseman not up

For Page and his Cowboy Sh*t.

Buckshot beats Drake. Done.

https://youtu.be/FJzeekseEuo?si=ittufzNnPkht_HJV

Your Winner via Pinfall: Adam Page

Page says hi to his family at ringside. Now we get to the women’s action and it’s the debut of…

Courtesy of AEW.

Deonna Purrazzo vs. Red Velvet

Purrazzo outshines Velvet at every turn and shows why she is The Virtuosa. At one point she gives a Koji Clutch to Velvet and she manages to escape. They both go at it with boots and then Purrazzo hits a knee lift and transitions to a legsweep into a Fujiwara armbar, and then adds on the pressure with the double armbar and Velvet has no way out but to submit.

Your Winner via Submission: Deonna Purrazzo

Now we get…

Hook vs. Matthews

Hooks is getting ready ahead of his championship match. Because I do not recap squashes, enjoy this “Sarah’s Squash Recipe from Virginia Wills” since we are in Virginia this week. If you don’t want to broaden your culinary skills, just watch the match in its brevity:

Your Winner via Submission: Hook

Matt Menard joins commentary for the Main Event of Collision because Daddy Magic says he wants to see a beatdown between…

Courtesy of AEW.

Daniel Garcia and FTR (Dax Harwood and Cash Wheeler) vs. The House of Black (Buddy Matthews, Brody King, and Malakai Black)

Harwood and Matthews start and the FTR member outwrestles him at every turn. Now Wheeler comes in and covers for two, and then Garcia tags in and he gets into it. But Black gets in the picture and they go back and forth and Garcia taunts him by sitting cross-legged. Black responds with a dance and tells him he’s his number one fan, if you will. King tags in and all three gang up on the monsters and Garcia and FTR stand…err sit crossed-legged mocking the house. During a Picture in Picture, The House isolates Wheeler and he is a Top Guy in Peril, and then…

Ads (Ughhh!!! Just when it was getting good, too!!!)

We come back and Garcia overturns an abdominal stretch and tags in Wheeler and he is going at The House of Black. He and Harwood give a high/low tackle to King to cover for two but he recovers and goes at Harwood, and he is a Top Guy in peril. Harwood fights but gets undercut at every step. A hot tag to Garcia and He slugs it out with the House and gives a brainbuster to Black for a two count. Garcia comes in at the same time as King and he proceeds to give a guillotine choke but her shakes off. FTR and Garcia triple team and nail him with a spike piledriver and then Everyone is firing live rounds and an elevated flying bulldog by Harwood gets a two count. Then there is a superplex by Harwood and Garcia follows with a splash but Black gets his knees up in time. Black gets Harwood in ankle lock and he barely reaches the ropes.

There is pandemonium outside the floor as Black and Harwood battle inside the ring. They both go for a series of pins, and Harwood nails him with a piledriver for another two count. Finally, The House comes up in full force as the Black Mass finds its mark and then a curb stomp by Matthews ends this for Harwood in one, two, and three.

Your Winners via Pinfall: The House of Black

Afterward, King manhandles Menard and Daddy Magic gets the worst of the beating. Garcia and FTR come back with chairs to chase them off and things are far from over as they get the moral victory with a Shatter Machine on King.

Now that leads to a commotion outside the Arena, as we learn from Schiavone that Starks and Bill are battling Jericho and Guevara. That means this is the start of the …

Battle of the Belts IX

And like I said before, Until there is an actual title change, expect limericks galore, starting with the…

AEW World Tag Team Championship Match: Big Bill and Ricky Starks (c) defend against Sammy Guevara and Chris Jericho

*ahem*

Le Sex Gods beat on Bill and Starks near and far,

and nailed a superplex to Bill on Rhett Titus’ car.

They brawl back in the ring,

Where Hobbs and Takeshita interfered, and that stings

Since Starks covered Guevara and they are still superstars.

Your Winners Via Pinfall, and Still AEW World Tag Team Champions: Big Bill and Ricky Starks

We get another vignette on the return of Serena Deeb, and the Professor of Professional Wrestling wants to return.

Until then, your next match is for the…

Courtesy of AEW.

AEW TBS Championship: Julia Hart (c) vs. Anna Jay

*ahem*

Hart and Jay are just so vicious

And Jay is proving to the TBS Champ she is pernicious.

The Queenslayer is locked in,

But Hart reverses the submission

And proves why she is so Hartless

Your Winner, and Still AEW TBS Champion: Julia Hart

Earlier today, there were issues with Lethal, Jarrett, and company, and not even homemade goodies by Satnam Singh will get things back on track.

Now to cue up Jane since the last match is for the..

Courtesy of AEW.

AEW International Championship: Orange Cassidy(c) vs. Preston Vance (with Jose the Assistant )

The Undisputed Kingdom came out and set up seats near the ringside to watch. But let’s get through this last limerick.

*ahem*

Cassidy finds himself in trouble

As he faces Perro Peligroso.

Vance looks poised to win,

Yet Cassidy offers his own spin

As he beats him with the Beach Break to end this jumble.

Your Winner and Still AEW International Champion: Orange Cassidy

The Undisputed Kingdom comes in to congratulate Cassidy. Jose tries to get in their business an Roderick Strong gives him a knee to the face and sends him and Vance out of the ring. Things look tense as the show fades to black.

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