It’s Saturday night, and it’s all right for fighting. So, you know what that means?

Yes, this is the Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year.

No, All Elite Wrestling pay-per-views are not longer than the solstice.  They just feel that way some days.

But more importantly, we are back on Saturdays with AEW Collision proper after the events of Grand Slam Mexico.  Plus, there are tons of tag team matches to be had, you’d swear Teddy Long was booking the show.  Holla if ya hear me, playa.

(Wait.  Wrong show.  I’d hate to get smacked down for my comments.)

Also, we are LIVE(!) from the Accesso ShoWare Center in Kent, WA. Nigel McGuinness and Tony Schiavone have the call. Now let’s get to the First Match of the Night between…

Courtesy of AEW.

Jon Moxley (with Wheeler Yuta) vs. AR Fox

Looks like Marina Shafir is off for the night as Yuta escorts Moxley from outside the arena to the squared circle.

Fox quickly goes after the champ with a running dropkick, and he takes it to Mox.  This is a speed versus death and destruction, as Fox goes for a high-risk maneuver and meets a punch on the way down.  Mox just stomps a mud hole, and as the action spills to the outside, they slug it out until Mox bites his face.  At one point, Fox manages a nice move as he catches Mox coming through the ropes with a pendulum DDT, and then he nails a flipping stomp using the ropes, and then connects with a reverse shooting star from the apron to the floor.  As Fox climbs the top turnbuckle, Yuta trips him up, and Mox is back in control as he lands an underhook superplex.  He gets him in a submission until Fox manages to place a foot on the ropes to break the hold.  Mox kicks his face and goes for a running boot.  Fox catches it and then manages a standing enzugiri.  As Mox rolls out, Fox leaps out of the ring with a splash.

He follows with a short cutter to Mox, then a running pump kick in the corner and another cutter, but Fox ain’t got nothing on his King Kong lariat.  Mox relentlessly elbows his head and cinches a rear-naked choke, and the ref sees Fox has passed out as he calls for the bell.

Your Winner via Submission:  Jon Moxley

Mox still keeps on the choke until he releases the submission. Then he plants Fox with The Death Rider and calls for the mic as Yuta dumps his body unceremoniously out of the ring. Mox talks about “Hangman” Adam Page and how upset he was watching him piss away his gifts and career for years.  He doesn’t have any patience for Page unlike the fans to get his act together. He says at All In Texas, he promises to run Page out of the sport for good, since this business is not for him.

We see some clips of what took place from AEW for Grand Slam at the fabled Arena Mexico.

Of course, you’d be cooler to read about it from our “Superstar” Sully Khan.

Cole and company are ready for a victory, and Garcia just looks on.

Hmmm.  Methinks trouble is a-brewing on the horizon.

We’ll have to speculate on that later, as your next match is an eight-man tag match between…

Courtesy of AEW.

Adam Cole, Roberick Strong, Daniel Garcia, and Bandido vs. FTR (Dax Harwood and Cash Wheeler, with Stokely Hathaway) and ProtoShita (Kyle Fletcher and Konosuke Takeshita)

Bandido and Harwood start, and already things don’t look good for the masked man.  He manages to counter with a tilt-a-whirl to a dropkick on The Axe, and gets a tag in to Strong.  Harwood pulls him to his corner, and Takeshita tags in.  Then Fletcher takes a turn on The Messiah of the Backbreaker.  Now in comes Garcia, and he is the aggressor and mounts Fletcher in the corner with punches on the Protostar.  He swings at everyone until Fletcher nails him from behind.  Back in comes Harwood, and he takes Garcia to the woodshed.  He manages to escape with a deadlift suplex, and then gets a tag back to Bandido, and he goes after everyone and plants Fletcher with a tornado DDT.

Everyone is on the outside, and as Bandido goes for a tope, FTR catches him and slams him into the commentary table.  During Picture in Picture, FTR and ProtoShita isolate Bandido in the corner, and he is Luchador in Peril.  Harwood has him up top, but he gets pushed off, and Bandido comes back with a tornillo.  He gets the hot tag to Adams Cole, who is En Fuego, Bay Bay.  The match deteriorates into a Pier Eight brawl, just throwing bombs, and the ref is doing his best to curtail the slugfest.  The end comes as Strong tries to reverse FTR’s Shatter Machine.  He runs into a superkick by Fletcher, and the Shatter Machine finishes off this Paragon.

Your Winners via Pinfall:  ProtoShita and FTR

After the match, all eight men go back to brawling until The OutRunners come to make the save.

Backstage, Thunder Rosa, Tay Melo, Queen Aminata, and Anna all have words ahead of their Eight Women tag match in the main event.  Athena, Megan Bayne, Penelope Ford, and Thekla also have words on what they need to do to succeed.

Meanwhile, Renee Paquette chats with Mercedes Moné, who recently added more gold with the CMLL Women’s Championship at Grand Slam Mexico. She tells Toni Storm she is a master of all games, and “Six Belts Moné” lays out that this is a preview of things to come as The CEO. She makes it clear to The Timeless One that her time is up, before adding, “See ya in Texas, bitch.!”

I can’t wait to hear the rebuttal from Storm later tonight.

But let’s head back to the ring because it’s…

Courtesy of AEW.

Swerve Strickland (with Prince Nana) vs. Shane Taylor (with Shane Taylor Promotions)

Washington state gives a hero’s welcome to the Tacoma native as they acknowledge this is Swerve’s House.

They go back and forth until Strickland shoves him out of the ring and then punks him out with a dive as he dances to frustrate the big man.  Taylor reassesses his game plan and gets back in the ring as he eats a boot.  Outside, Nana is putting down some money with the members of Shane Taylor Promotions. Even Schiavone gets in on the action and lays down a few bucks.

Heh.

Taylor is in control and gives Strickland a splash on the apron edge.  During Picture in Picture, Taylor is all power, and Strickland is getting rocked.  That leads to…

Ads (Baby Jesus.  What is the point of having Picture in Picture if this nonsense gets cut out?  It’s like watching Peacemaker, but it gets edited for a PG crowd.   Oh, BTW, that is gonna happen, folks.  Just watch it unedited on MAX.  Or is it HBO?  Or is it HBO MAX?  Or…?)

We come back, and Taylor badmouths Strickland in the corner.  He rushes at him, but Strickland…err, swerves away.  He traps his arm and elbow in the rope and clubs at it, and then gives it a running dropkick.  Strickland works his bad arm, chopping him down to size, and hits a short knee strike for a two count.  Taylor nails him with a choke slam and goes for the kill until Strickland catches him in a modified armbar.  He escapes the submission and goes up the high-rent district.  Strickland cuts him off at the pass and connects with an avalanche Samoan Drop on the much larger Taylor.  He follows with a knee strike to a Swerve’s stomp on the apron edge.  Nana tries to make away with the cash, but The Infantry and Lee Johnson aren’t having it.  Strickland sees this and dives to the outside to make the save for Nana.  Back in the ring, Strickland makes a House Call on Taylor that finds its mark and ends it in three.

Your Winner via Pinfall:  Swerve Strickland

We see more of Grand Slam Mexico as Mercedes Moné celebrated her latest title win, until Storm interrupted the fun.  

AEW Women’s Champion Toni Storm is in the ring in a red fedora and raincoat. Before you can ask, “Where in the World of Carmen Sandiego is going on?”, The Timeless One takes the mic and…well, let’s have her talk:

“Some things are beyond description”, said Schiavone, and brother, he ain’t joking.

But let’s turn to the ring for a mixed trios match with…

Courtesy of AEW.

Hologram, Willow Nightingale, and Mark Briscoe vs. MxM (Mansoor and Mason Madden) and Taya Valkyrie (with Johnny TV)

Man, I’m really wondering if Teddy Long is making these matches backstage tonight.

In any case, allow me to give you a Squared Circle Clerihew™:

*ahem*

All six wrestlers put out action galore

From the ring to the outside floor.

And Briscoe seals the deal coming down below

Landing on Mansoor with a Froggy ‘bow.

Your Winners via Pinfall:  Hologram, Willow Nightingale, and Mark Briscoe

Lexy Nair is backstage with Kris Statlander, and she wonders when it’ll be her turn to be in the conversation rather than getting asked about other wrestlers. Enter Yuta, and Statlander doesn’t want to hear a single thing from him.  She pushes him away, and as she turns, Statlander bumps into Mox.  He stares her down, and Mox tells Statlander don’t let anyone tell her who she is or her worth.

Schiavone is in the ring with The Don Callis Family, and he comes out with Josh Alexander and Lance Archer. Callis takes the mic and has a special announcement as he introduces the newest member of the family: Kazuchika Okada. He shows special footage of the contract signing with Omega getting hurt.

Callis continues and mocks Omega being able to make it to the All In Texas PPV.  He even points out that while Okada will have the help of The Don Callis Family, Omega will have no one in his corner.

Out comes Briscoe, and mentions he’s a friend of Omega…as well as this guy.

Out comes Kota Ibushi, and you can tell we will see some Golden Lovers again.  Archer and Briscoe come out to brawl, and Ibushi walks with purpose and mixes it up with Alexander. Okada sets down his belt and gets in the ring to face the Golden Star, and they come to blows. Ibushi gets the better of The RainMaker as The Callis Family makes a hasty retreat.

We come back after the ads to see The Workhorsemen in a brief skirmish against Big Bill and Bryan Keith, which sees Redwood drop Anthony Henry on some steel chairs.

After the dust settles, out comes Christian Cage with his fellow Patriarchy members. He likes a good backstage brawl except when it eats into his time. He puts over Nick Wayne and suggests they embark on a journey as AEW Tag Team champions as the first “father and son” tag team. Bill questions if Nick is really his son, pointing out he heard about the Matriarch (gesturing to Nick’s mom) and suggests his dad could be…anyone.  Bill tells them to come to the ring, as Cage dismisses him as he believes that idea came about after he fell off the wagon (ouch!).  The Head of the Patriarchy makes it clear to the remaining members of The Learning Tree that they are the ones who run AEW as they walk off.

Last week at AEW Summer Blockbuster, Anthony Bowens and Billy Gunn had words after the Pride of Pro Wrestling lost again.  Bowens then states he needs to get better rather than be a knock-off Max Caster, and he tells Gunn he needs to help him out.  He suggests to “Daddy Ass” that he needs to get his act together quick.

You’re next match is another tag team match between…

Courtesy of AEW.

JetSpeed (“The Jet” Kevin  Knight and “Speedball” Mike Bailey) vs The Gates of Agony (Bishop Kaun and Toa Liona)

Hey, I’m a fan of tag team action, but seriously…too much of a good thing is never good.  But JetSpeed is an up-and-coming team with promise, so let’s see what they’ve got.  

Ricochet comes out for commentary, and he is the perfect foil for Knight and Bailey.

Right away, Bailey bounces off of the Gates of Agony like a pinball.  As Knight tags in and he starts to have momentum going in his favor. He goes for a leaping splash until Kaun gets his knees up and catches him in the breadbasket.  He throws Knight around into the barricades.  Bailey jumps out for the save. Liona knocks him out midair, as Ricochet applauds the move. During Picture in Picture, Liona and Kaun take turns on Knight, and The Jet is grounded and is in Peril like Newark Airport, and then…

Ads (TNT is trying my patience, some days)

We come back to Kaun and Knight up top the turnbuckles, and he gets knocked down to the mat.  The Jet takes off with a flying clothesline and gets the hot tag to Bailey, who is a Speedball en Fuego.  Knight and Bailey combine forces to land a huracanrana/powerbomb combo for a two count.  Kaun displays his power as he gives JetSpeed a double Samoan drop, then he and Liona rock Knight’s head in the corner with a double hip attack. They attempt a double team on Bailey, but Knight pulls him off.  The Gates of Agony crack his skull with double head butts and they attempt to Open the Gates and The Jet counters with a double DDT.  Now JetSpeed takes flight and dives outside.  Kaun stops it and hits a lungblower on Bailey for a count of two. He goes for a powerbomb, and Bailey counters with a sunset flip with spinning double knees to his sternum.  The end comes as he tags Knight and dives out onto Liona, and The Jet delivers with a twisting splash for the pin and the win.

Your Winners via Pinfall:  “Speedball” Mike Bailey and Kevin Knight

Now for your Main event, and it is an eight-woman tag match between…

Courtesy of AEW.

Thunder Rosa, Queen Aminata, Tay Melo, and Anna Jay vs. Athena (with Billie Starkz), Thekla, Megan Bayne, and Penelope Ford

Before I go on, allow me an…

(Author’s Rant:  I say this to TK and the Booker Monkeys™, you REALLY need to learn pacing.  I hate being the armchair bookerman, but my gods, you could’ve ended this with the Ibushi/Okada segment and everyone woulda been happy.  Nothing wrong with the women, but this doesn’t say “main event” to me.  There’s a small feud going on with some individuals, but nothing that screams, “This will headline a PPV.”  I didn’t want to do this.  I wanted to give the live show the benefit of the doubt, but you leave me no choice but to recap this with a Lucid Luchador Limerick in Review™)

*ahem*

There were a ton of women in the ring,

Laying in beat downs that are sure to sting.

The end comes as Athena hits Rosa with the title belt

And the one, two, and three count sure make it felt

That…yeah, I guess this match was a thing.

Your Winners via Pinfall: Athena, Thekla, Megan Bayne, and Penelope Ford

Top Photo:  Kota Ibushi (left) makes his return to All Elite Wrestling as he stares down Kazuchika Okada and Don Callis. Courtesy of AEW.

3

Final Thoughts:

I usually base my ratings on how the Main Event made me feel as the centerpiece, but again, I think The Booker Monkeys™ missed the mark.  Had they swapped out Ibushi/Okada with the eight-woman match, that would have flowed a lot better.

Having said that, I am happy to see The Golden Star back in AEW, and that will add to ALL In Texas.  That, and Toni Storm is Timeless on the mic.

Also, if it seriously was Teddy Long booking tonight’s show, I have one note.  Less is more, especially in tag team wrestling.

Until then, see ya next Saturday!