Yeet! Yeet! Yeet!

My boy, Jey Uso won the Royal Rumble and is off to main event WrestleMania 41. I’m so proud of him, you wouldn’t believe, but I think some of you guys knew that already. Congratulations to Charlotte Flair on her returning win as well. But to be honest, I kind of saw this victory coming, so I wasn’t as excited. I was happy to see Alexa Bliss, Nikki Bella, and AJ Styles. Despite all this goodness, I was still hoping for AJ Lee to show up, too. If she does come back, it’ll take a while.

And speaking of surprises, I didn’t imagine the outcome of that Ladder match, dear God was it brutal. If anyone watched RAW this past Monday, then you saw KO attack Sami Zayn after his Qualifying match versus CM Punk. Owens was extremely banged up in ways I haven’t seen in a bit. The black eye was hard to miss… I wondered to myself how Kevin would feel after the title match he had. Some sort of relief? Nah. Now, I need answers to why he jumped Zayn. I have a theory, and I’ll explain when we get there.

We start the evening with the man of the hour himself, Jey Uso and the American Nightmare Cody Rhodes. Jey has two choices to make on either to face Gunther for the second time for the World Heavyweight Championship, or Cody Rhodes’ Undisputed Championship. The conversation was going fine until Tama Tonga and Jacob Fatu showed up with their looming presence. I noticed that Jey was also disturbed by Tama’s snarling and whatnot. I don’t know what this man is doing half the time… Ha!

Fatu made it clear that his family needed Rhodes’ title back, which goes into the point that if anyone were to bring that Championship back, Jacob didn’t favor Jey to be the lucky candidate. Funnily enough, Jey Super Kicks Tama Tonga as a response as a brawl was underway. This confrontation resulted in a match later tonight.

DIY vs. Pretty Deadly – Tag Team match

Because DIY have been pulling a lot of nonsense lately, Nick Aldis reckoned that they’re in no position to be making demands, so he decided to give Pretty Deadly to chance to earn an opportunity with this shocking matchup. Ciampa and Gargano weren’t pleased, mainly due to the fact that they weren’t in their ring gear, so they had to fight in their regular clothes.

Elton Prince sent both DIY members crashing on the main floor after avoiding some heavy artillery from earlier. Prince managed to break from Johnny’s very ineffective grip, so he could tag Kit Wilson. He brawled it out with Tommaso and Johnny, demonstrating their aggression more thoroughly. Finally, Pretty Deadly’s fire has come back from… wherever the hell they were with that… musical.

Ciampa regained some momentum with those kicks to Prince’s face, to which Elton returned the gesture with force. A little while later, Gargano was seen gripping at Prince’s hair, so it would allow Tommaso to get a hold of him from behind with a sudden roll up while utilizing the rope. Kit came in, kicked his face, so Elton could reverse the weight in their favor. Elton didn’t really need the rope, but he nearly used it to the full extent.

Winners: Pretty Deadly

Bianca Belair vs. Piper Niven – Elimination Chamber Qualifying match

Belair has been impressive during this match regardless of Niven’s outstanding power to be twice as dominate as her opponent. Bianca hit Piper with a crossbody off the top rope after banging her head against the turnbuckle. Naomi and Chelsea Green were out here supporting their respectable friends. Belair nearly pinned Niven.

Bianca was going for the KOD, but she’s outmatched by Niven, who planted her flatly on the mat for a near fall. She tried again with a Senton, yet she missed due to Bianca’s awareness. Niven did mark her with a cannonball. Belair ventured for the KOD again, unfortunately, Niven got her with a power slam followed by a body splash off the second rope.

In the corner, Belair got out of dodge as Niven collided with the turnbuckle, then the post after that massive kick to the face. Piper was rocked, so Bianca punched her ticket with a third and victorious KOD.

Winner: Bianca Belair

Drew McIntyre vs. LA Knight vs. Jimmy Uso – Triple Treat Elimination Chamber Qualifying match

The transfer window has been used for all its worth since Drew McIntyre has joined the blue brand after receiving a call from Aldis wanting him on SmackDown. No more bullcrap. McIntyre was allowed to be McIntyre without any restraints… for now anyway. Aside from this upcoming match, Drew was here for Rhodes. It’s obvious that Cody was the last person who paired up with Roman Reigns that McIntyre hasn’t beaten up yet, so he’s here for the Championship. All that rambling came to a sudden end, thank God, due to Jimmy Uso.

Although LA Knight said this was his game, and Jimmy came here to earn his spot, McIntyre was the one in command with that belly-to-belly throw to the Megastar himself. Drew was kind of crazy tonight, wasn’t he? Anyway, Jimmy threw him out of the ring followed by a suicide dive. Knight came in and kicked Jimmy in the face while his attention was elsewhere. Now, he slammed Drew’s head against the commentary desk. Uso felt the grunt of it, too.

Whatever Jimmy was planning to do to McIntyre as he dangled on the turnbuckles, Knight leaped in with a superplex to Uso just as McInyre German suplexed the Megastar. 2-for-1 special! After that, Uso sent McIntyre outside again, then dealt with LA Knight by delivering a step-up enzuguri. I’m pretty sure that frog splash from Uso would have awarded him the victory if McIntyre hadn’t physically yanked the referee out of the ring to save his chances.

The delay nearly cost Jimmy because LA Knight was mobile again with that roll up. Annoyingly so, just as Knight was about to execute the BFT, McIntyre came in right on time with a Claymore that stunned the Megastar and dismantled Jimmy as well for being in the grip of the BFT in the first place.

Winner: Drew McIntyre 

Okay, we’re reached the point of my theory. I think Owens attacked Zayn because of what happened at the Royal Rumble. When Kevin said that he’ll award Sami with a title match once he’s Champion, Zayn had to do something for him during the famous Ladder match of Saturday night. But he didn’t… Kevin believed that Rhodes was trying to end his career, maybe even his life, and Zayn simply stood there. He didn’t come to the aid of his friend, but he did save Roman from getting beaten up even further in some corner. KO claimed that he’ll never forgive Zayn, however, he will make him pay.

Akira Tozawa vs. Carmelo Hayes

So, Akira was supposed to be in the Rumble, but he was attacked by Hayes just as he was making his entrance. Carmelo was bitter that he got eliminated and took it out on an unsuspecting Tozawa. This fight came to be because of that incident. I think this is the best of Akira I’ve seen in a while as he took down Hayes with a suicide dive. He also shocked Melo with a DDT.

Hayes got out the way as Akira came down with a missed frog splash, then face planted his opponent for a near fall. Tozawa continued with his attacks using his quick feet. Alas, he took way too much time capitalizing by ripping his shirt, but he made up for it with a powerbomb.

Hayes made a comeback with a unique take on a clothesline, a backwards DDT then finished the job with Nothing but Net. Regardless of the negative outcome, Tozawa actually did very well here then anywhere else I’ve seen him recently.

Winner: Carmelo Hayes

Backstage, R-Truth gave a confusing congratulations to Jey Uso for winning the… King of the Ring, not the Royal Rumble. Rhodes approached him and asked how he’s feeling about WrestleMania, since they never finished their conversation from earlier, but Jey Jey remained undecided. And speaking of that, The Miz tried to manipulate Cody by casting an untrustworthy shadow on Jey knowing what Championship gold can do to a person and friendships.

Next up, we have Charlotte Flair meeting with Tiffany Stratton to see if she can impress her since she wasn’t very enlightened by Rhea Ripley this past Monday. Stratton made the point that she wanted Flair to pick her, so she will no longer be compared and contrasted to Charlotte as she has been the moment she arrived in the world of wrestling. Charlotte kind of disgusted me when she ordered Tiffany to get on her hands and knees, begging that Flair chooses her. As if she would do that, nevertheless, Nia Jax and LeRae strut to the ring.

Jax informed Stratton that instead of her having to face five other women at the Elimination Chamber, she spoke to Aldis and had a sanctioned title match for next week against the current champ.

Candice LeRae vs. Alex Bliss – Elimination Chamber Qualifying match

Because Bliss wouldn’t stay down, LeRae felt the need to berate her with insults that she wasn’t welcomed, she should have stayed home, that she’s stupid. That amazingly brought a more aggressive side to Alexa as she utilized that rage. She almost got Candice pinned. As a reversal, LeRae snapped Bliss’ neck off the second rope, then followed that up with a drop kick.

Something was going on at a given moment. The screen was glitching, I haven’t since that in a bit. The indication that the Wyatt Sicks are looming closer wouldn’t surprise me since Alexa has had connections with Bray as the Fiend before. Uncle Howdy is an extension of that somber entity. Mind games, according Wade Barrett ensued in-ring, but to me, it looked like playtime foolishness. Candice may have struck first, but it was Alexa’s Sister Abigail, paying homage to Bray Wyatt, that helped her advance.

Winner: Alex Bliss

No more games, no more sudden appearances, no more Mr. Nice Guys. The Street Profits want the smoke, and they have their sights set on DIY. Ford and Dawkins “helped” Gargano and Ciampa retain last weekend, but only to strike them with a warning that they’re coming for those titles after finally realizing that Johnny and Tommaso were the ones responsible for taking the Profits out a couple of weeks ago. Gold is much nearer now.

Jey Uso & Cody Rhodes vs. Tama Tonga & Jacob Fatu – Tag Team match

Rhodes and Tonga started this brawl off in favor of the American Nightmare by lifting Tama up as he struggled to get loose and tag Jacob in. Rhodes was trying to make an early statement with the Samoan Werewolf utilizing the Cody Cutter, but Fatu amazingly slipped out of there like it was nothing and performed a Senton. It’s been Fatu for a good portion of the time, Rhodes even slammed Jacob’s head against the commentary table, but Fatu barely reacted to that as he dragged Rhodes by the ankle.

Tama and Jacob did a great job keeping Cody in their corner, preventing him from tagging Jey. He was eager to get into the match to assist. These men knew that Rhodes was hurt from the Rumble, so they used the hell out of that weak spot. Luckily, he was finally able to bring Jey Jey in.

Uso was turned up to elven with the hip attack plus the pop-up neckbreaker as well. He was doing well, which Fatu saw that and got involved during a cover attempt. Rhodes insisted on helping, but the referee pushed him back as Fatu delivered a Super Kick to Jey Jey’s jaw. Tama took advantage and failed. Now, it was Uso’s turn in the Bloodline corner. Fatu made sure to blast Rhodes off the apron as well.

I was in absolute disarray when I heard the fans snarling or cackling along with Tama like he said he managed to get them to do… All those who were doing that, I hope you know y’all sounded like millions and millions of preying mantis in unison. It’s terrifying… It reminded me of that alien invasion episode of Murdoch Mysteries in season 10, or 11. The sound those creatures made… ew.

Anyway, a clothesline collision in the middle between Tama and Jey stopped them momentarily. Uso was able to get a tag just in time as Cody squared off with Fatu. A power slam from Rhodes had Jacob slightly reeling. Fatu bounced back so quickly by shoving Cody off his body like it didn’t matter. He did bump his head on the top of the post as he slid off like discarded pancake batter. Elsewhere, Tonga performed some sort of flatliner on Cody that stunned him for quite a bit.

Irritatingly so, Tama had the official distracted just as Fatu shoved Cody off the top and crashed on the mat. Tonga thought it was over after that jumping DDT he does so well. Oof, not yet. Whatever Fatu and Tonga had planned, Jey thwarted it by grabbed and tripping Jacob by the ankle. Uso sent Fatu into the announcement desk to allow Cody to perform a winning Crossroads.

The celebrations were cut short once the return of Solo Sikoa put a damper on things with a Samoan Spike to the American Nightmare. Y’all actually thought he wasn’t coming, did you? Ha! Ha!

Winners: Jey Uso & Cody Rhodes

 

TOP PHOTO: Sikoa standing over Rhodes’ tired body. Courtesy of WWE