It’s Saturday night, and it’s all right for fighting (except if you’re on Twitter/X. C’mon Santana and Ortiz settle it in the ring, not like a buncha subReddit hacks)! We are moving forward in the Grand Slam tournament and we’ll see who with face MJF on September 1st for the AEW Heavyweight Championship.

But we need to first cover your…

AEW Rampage Review in Rhyme™

*ahem*

Penta defeated Jay Lethal with Cero Miedo.

Hikaru Shida, Sky Blue and Britt Baker defeated Taya Valkyrie, Anna Jay and The Bunny (Holy Toledo).

Then The Young Bucks won over Matt Menard and Angelo Parker, which wasn’t funny,

And Samoa Joe decimated Jeff Hardy.

And this is over (Thank God), so I bid you farewell without further ado.

Now let’s head ringside to…

AEW Collision

We come to you from the Rocket Mortgage Fieldhouse in Cleveland, OH. Nigel McGuinness and Kevin Kelly have the call and your First Match is for the…

Courtesy of AEW.

AEW International Championship Match: Jon Moxley vs. Action Andretti

The Ohio fans are solidly behind Moxley since we are in his home state (and wearing a Blackpool Combat Club shirt outlined in blood to resemble Ohio.  It isn’t long before Mox takes Andretti to the wood chipper but he shows some flips and spots to take it to the champ.  He attempts a stomp from the top rope and starts to limp after landing wrong, and Andretti takes advantage and gives a huracanrana to a spinning springboard splash for a two count.

Andretti continues with a springboard Arabian Press and then throws Mox into the steel steps and the crowd feels mild.  During Picture in Picture, he tries to put Mox away but Andretti keeps getting two counts.  Then he targets the bad knee of Mox and slams it on the ramp, and then goes to single-leg crab until he grabs the bottom ropes to break the hold.  There are more heelish tactics by Andretti, but Mox sends him out of the ring and dives to the outside.  Andretti is still in control and he attempts a springboard maneuver up the top turnbuckle but Mox catches him with a cutter and gets a two count.  He goes for a suplex but Andretti escapes and goes for a handspring offensive move and Mox cinches a chokehold.  Andretti gets out and nails a falcon arrow that gets him another two.  Mox attempts a superplex but Andretti lands on his feet and hits a spinning splash for another near fall.  He stomps at Mox Blackpool style, but Mox gets Andretti in a choke for a tap out win.

Your Winner via Submission, And Still AEW International Champion:  Jon Moxley

We get a Roderick Strong promo and he just wants his friend back…

There is a recap of the MJF and Joe promo bout and I’m gonna direct you to this YouTube Clip here and get the same enjoyment:

Enjoyed that?  Thought you would.

Now we have an…

TBS Championship Open Challenge: Kris Statlander vs. Robyn Renegade (with Charlette Renegade)

This deserves neither a haiku, nor a limerick, but these are the basics that took place:

  • Statlander is in control but some Twin-terference™ creates problems for the champ
  • Blue Thunder bomb by Stalander for a two count, and it’s back and forth between the women
  • Statlander gets the rollup wih bridge to end it

Your Winner, and Still AEW TBS Champion:  Kris Statlander

After the Renegade Twins beat her down, Jade Cargill appears after a long absence since Double Or Nothing.  She decimates the twins and then gives a hand to Statlander…and connects with Jaded before grabbing the belt.

Renee Paquette with two-thirds of The Outcasts, Ruby Soho, and Saraya. Soho is upset by her loss at All Out due to Toni Storm’s interference in throwing a shoe. 

To quote the great philosopher Austin Powers, “Who throws a shoe?  I mean, honestly?!”   

Saraya brings back the conversation and she says she will still be the AEW Women’s champion.

Erstwhile, Tony Schiavone was with Claudio Castagnoli and Eddie Kingston to talk it out, if ya wanna call it that:

So we have a title for title match at AEW Grand Slam on September 20th.  No doubt this will be interesting.

Speaking of, let’s go to…

Bullet Club Gold (Juice Robinson, Austen, and Colten Gunn) vs. Gravity, Aerostar, and Dios Del Inframundo

So, there are a couple of things to unpack:  First, “Dios Del Inframundo” is “El Drago.”  Why the name change, I do not know unless AAA got bitchy about it. 

Also, per Tony Khan’s tweet…

(Wait, is it a “tweet”, or something in excess?  Or INXS?  Ahhh, f*** this South African douchenozzle Elon Musk for making my job all the more difficult!)

In any case, we received an alert that Jay White will not be here due to “personal reasons:”

So let’s get to your first Haiku in Review™:

*ahem*

Match is Lucha Lit,

But Bang Bang Gang brings down the

House in Rock Hard Way

Your Winners via Pinfall:  Bullet Club Gold

Now we get a promo from the former CJ/Lana/Miro’s wife on being lost and wanting to surprise her husband at All Out and help him out.  But Miro forsook his hot and flexible wife, and she wants to be a manager again.

Say what you will, this is far better than anything WWE sent her way.  Tell me when I’m telling lies!

Meanwhile, The Dark Order has an infomercial on being good.

Also, The Acclaimed are here to start a world tour…

And now we have another match between…

Courtesy of AEW.

Rey Fenix (with Alex Abrahantes) vs. Angelico (with Serpentico)

This is a good match,  but I’ve seen better when they were on Lucha Underground.  That said, this match deserves a Haiku in Review™:

*ahem*

The Animo fights

Angelico, and he drives

Him to the mat. Done.

Schiavone is backstage with FTR and Cash Wheeler asks, after Allout, who is the next tag team to challenge them. Dax Harwood proposes any tag team that wants to step up can do so in an open challenge and can do so and they will put the AEW Tag Team titles on the line.

Now let’s jump to the second hour, which is a…

Courtesy of AEW.

Grand Slam Eliminator Tournament Semifinal Match: Roderick Strong (with Mike Bennett and Matt Taven) vs. Darby Allin

As Allin skates to ring, Luchasaurus slams comes out of nowhere and slams him into a garage door.  Then Christian Cage appears and tells him he will never be the TNT champion, let alone a champion.

Strong watches and he thinks he won, but Allin walks under his own power and Nick Wayne walks and talks with him to get ready for this important match.  As the bell rings, The Messiah of the Backbreaker goes to his favorite target.  But it isn’t long as Allin sends him out of the ring and then dives to crash him into guardrails.  During Picture in Picture, Allin tries to keep up the pace but Strong goes back to work and really hurts his back.  Then the fight goes to the outside and Strong rams his strained back to the ring post and then into the guardrails.  As Strong gets into the ring and tries to bring him in, Allin locks in with a guillotine choke, and then he attempts a series of near-falls.  Strong sets him up top and Allin claws his back to shove him off. He goes for a Coffin Drop but Strong pushes him off and then drops Allin on his back into the turnbuckles.  Allin drops to the apron onto the floor.

Strong brings his lifeless body into the ring and cinches the Boston Carb/Stronghold submission, but Allin manages to reach the bottom ropes to break the hold.  Strong continues to stomp his back and then…

Ads (You Insufferable Truck Monkeys! You couldn’t have done that later?!) 

We come back and Strong has Allin in a fireman’s carry but he escapes for a stunner and lands a Coffin Drop on the floor.  As he gets Strong back in, AR Fox comes out for extra support, though Wayne says they don’t want it. Allin nails Strong with a Scorpion Death drop for two.  There is a lot of chicanery outside the ring and Fox goes for a moonsault but clips Wayne by accident.  He attempts the Coffin Drop but Strong gets his knees up and delivers the End of Heartbreak (Vertical suplex lifted and dropped into a double knee backbreaker) to get the three count, and…

Your Winner Advancing to the Grand Slam Tournament:  Roderick Strong

Powerhouse Hobbs cuts a promo on the Book of Hobbs and promises Miro there is another page to be turned.

Lexy Nair is backstage with Keith Lee. He is here and advises anyone on Collision to run.

Tony Schiavone is in the ring with Bryan Danielson. What is next for The American Dragon?  As Danielson succinctly puts it, time is running out. But he will not go gently to that good night, and if this is his last year, it will be an epic year.  He calls his shot for Wrestledream on October 1st and wants to fight Zack Saber Jr.

Now Ricky Starks comes out with Big Bill and says after the strap match he got everybody’s attention. Now he’s graduated from hungry to greedy. Danielson recognizes his hustle and offers him a shirt for the BCCC, but Big Bill jumps him. Starks pulls him off… only to beat him further.  Mox gets in the ring for support but Bill choke slams him as Starks chokes Danielson out with the shirt.

Schiavone talks to Big Bill backstage about Tony Khan inking an International title match.  Bill laughs and says he will beat him that night. Fenix and Penta step in and tells Bill not to jump the line.  Bill says Penta should concentrate on tonight, and they head off camera.

Jim Ross joins commentary for the Main Event and this is the second…

Courtesy of AEW.

Grand Slam Eliminator Tournament Semifinal Match: Penta El Zero Miedo (with Alex Abrahantes ) vs. Samoa Joe

As the bell rings, Penta says, “Cero Miedo” but Joe head-butts him and pummels away.  Penta goes for a baseball slide that misses but he stalks and gives Joe a sling blade on the outside.  He then throws the Samoan Submission Machine to the guardrails and then to the ring post.  During Picture in Picture, a table is introduced but Joe takes the fight back to Penta.

Joe catches Penta and he gives him a sound beating.  But Penta fights back and gives him a lung blower to Joe for a two count.  Joe comes back with a power slam to Penta for two.  But the Oscuro one gives Joe a superkick to the corner and Penta gets a two count.

Penta then attempts an armbreaker but Joe reverses and nails a  big boot into a senton for a two count.  Then Penta sees Joe by the table and dives, but he walks away and El Cero Miedo gets the lumber.

Back in the ring, Joe slaps on the Coquina Clutch and Penta taps out.

Your Winner, and Advancing in the Grand Slam Final:  Samoa Joe.

After the match, we see Roderick Strong and The Kingdom look on at who they need to beat to get to MJF, as the show fades to black.

AEW Collision: 09/09/2023
3.5

Final Thoughts:

A good second half to Collision, as I am a sucker for tournaments.  Mox/Andretti was also a good opener, and I am curious if Action has some heel tendencies down the road.

Danielson and Starks isn’t done yet, and I want more of the ultra-violence.

For now, see ya next Saturday!