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SmackDown: Rules of Engagement becomes Rules of Hell

Hey there!

I was happy to see Wes Lee and Dragon Lee in attendance tonight, but I was a little confused when I saw Wes without his North American Championship belt. And, unfortunately, that’s because Dominik Mysterio shockingly holds it as the new champ.

What?….

Dom is actually holding gold. I’m both appalled and flabbergasted.

Oh, right, Austin Theory is here too. I… forgot to mention. Ha!


Sheamus vs. LA Knight vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Cameron Grimes – US Championship Invitational Fatal 4-Way match


As soon as the bell rings, the fight begins as chaotic as one would hope for. Sheamus goes after LA Knight, while Rey takes on Cameron.

Grimes sends Rey on the outside then delivers a right hand to his jaw. Sheamus and Knight are still slugging it out a little further away from Cameron, who’s scouting them out.

Knight holds the ring after sending Sheamus crashing near the announce table then shoulder tackles Grimes.

Rey is whipped into the barricade while Knight delivers a heavy clothesline to the Celtic warrior inside the ring for a near fall.

I laughed when Knight was sent to the outside as he struggles to stand on the apron, Sheamus comes in and delivers a wicked clothesline that results in Knight collapsing on the floor. Ha!

Rey finally makes headway when he sends Grimes head first against Knight near the ropes. You can hear a thud during the collision.

Sheamus and Rey introduce double Ten Beats of the Bodhran to both Knight and Grimes. Ha! I love when they do that. Working together was a temporary thing between Mysterio and Sheamus once Rey attempts to catch the Celtic warrior off guard but fails.

Instead, Sheamus catches Rey. Luckily for the Hall of Famer Luchador, he escapes… for a small amount of time because receives the Irish Curse back breaker.

Grimes ploughs through Sheamus and Rey as the Celtic warrior attempts to perform his White Noise maneuver. Where the hell is Knight? And to answer my own question, Knight slips back in only to be on the receiving end of a Step-Up Enzugiri from Grimes.

Every hit Grimes sends Sheamus, his opponent continues to get back up seconds later.

Grimes runs into a forearm by Knight. Later on, Sheamus manages to flip all three men onto their butts. An amazing double clothesline on the floor done by the Celtic warrior and LA Knight.

“Who the hell catches a leaping Sheamus in mid-air?!” said Barrett. I laughed at how abrupt that comment was. Yes, Sheamus was trying to Bro Kick Knight, yet got caught and planted. Lucky for us, Rey saves the matchup.

Grimes almost pulls it off after a massive collision in the center of the ring. Rey kicks out in time, even thought, Knight would have stopped it too if he arrived in time.

Rey almost had this match won as he sets both Grimes and Sheamus into position for the 619, then a body splash to Cameron for a very near win until Theory pulls Mysterio out of the cover by the ankle and shoves him against the stairs.

Because of this outrage, Santos Escobar rushes in to save Rey as he brawls with Theory.

Meanwhile inside the ring, Knight delivers an elbow drop to Grimes. Sheamus with a Bro Kick to Knight. Cameron with a Cave-In to the Celtic warrior. And Mysterio with a winning… well, I’m not sure what to call it, but he won after covering Cameron.

Mysterio may have gotten the victory, but now what? He’ll have to face his protégé Santos Escobar next week. Oof.

Winner: Rey Mysterio


Basketball stars, the Cavinder twins Hannah and Hailey, are training to be part of WWE’s women’s division soon. Lots of new people are showing up in the wrestling world as of late like Branco Nima and Lucien Price at NXT.

I’m not saying I’m not excited, but they’re Basketball athletes not wrestlers. It’s a little odd, but I prefer them over Logan Paul any Goddamn day.

Theory is so pissy that Escobar attacked him earlier, and for great reason, that he wants a match later tonight against him, which Pearce mistakenly thought it was for the title. You should have heard him squirming. Ha!


Charlotte Flair vs. Iyo Sky


This is the first time I’ve seen Iyo face off against someone as decorated as Flair. I’m honored.

I feel like the match hasn’t really started until Charlotte delivered an effective shoulder tackle to Sky.

Flair is at the top then ploughs through Iyo with a crossbody. The majority of the time it was these two women showing off their gymnastic skills rather than wrestling, so there’s nothing to see there.

Sky drops Flair from the sky, planting her opponent on their backside for a one count. Ha!

Charlotte was looking to deliver a stomp to Iyo’s leg, but the Genius of the Sky moves out of the way, tweaking Flair’s knee and sends a counterattack with double knees to Flair’s throat.

Sky made sure to focus her efforts on Charlotte’s knee. The 14-time Women’s Champion retaliates with numerous chops to Iyo’s chest then a fall away slam.

Given how many of those attacks were definitely going to take Iyo out, Bayley decides to intervene out of impatience and possibly heart. Her distraction allows Sky to powerbomb Flair.

Just barely kicking out does Flair. You rarely see this girl down like that. And speaking of down, or upside down is better in this case, Shotzi appears on the big screen taking inspiration from Bray Wyatt, I’m sure.

Bayley starts to scatter after seeing that messed up splash of clips put together. It spooked her so badly that she left Iyo to fend for herself.

Anyway, back to the other show. Back and forth between Flair and Sky with Moonsault attempts as well as covers. Iyo continues her attention on Charlotte’s wonky knee.

Flair couldn’t believe that Iyo managed to get her shoulder up after that spear. Reversal after reversal was part of the game.

Charlotte picks up a hard earning victory with Natural Selection. Because she won, Asuka saw it fit to inflict further pain with an ambush from behind. The Empress of Tomorrow causes even more damage with her agonizing arm lock.

Winner: Charlotte Flair


No congratulations are given on my end when it comes to Dominik becoming the new NXT North American Champion. The rest of Judgment Day got involved in the most shenanigan, undeserving way possible.

Dom thinks this will prove to his dad that this is how a champ looks like, which is embarrassing. I suspect Butch thinks so too when he applauds Dom for winning the belt. He issues a challenge against Dom for the title tonight. I’d love to see him lose three days after receiving it. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Hall of Famer Shawn Michaels agrees with us all to officiate the match. Let him lose!

We’re here mainly to witness the rules of engagement for Jey and Roman’s match at SummerSlam, and shockingly, I forgot it was going to happen. Ha! My brain is somewhere else. Hungry. Planet Fruit Loops or something.

Nothing to say, Roman? Good. Silence is what I wanted from you.


Austin Theory vs. Santos Escobar


Theory had Escobar trapped for a moment, not long enough though since Santos came right back on his attack.

After that drop kick from Santos, Austin reverses and takes the fight to his opponent. He gets ahead of himself once Escobar is back on his feet and delivering blows to Theory’s head. A DDT to Santos rocks him out of his momentum.

Escobar has Theory cornered as he sends another set of hits to the champ’s head. He attempts to use an unorthodox method to pin Theory into submission, yet the champ wiggles out of there.

Escobar puts his body on the line with a suicide to Theory that results in him landing on the announcement table. Austin kicks out after a crossbody from the top.

Theory targets Santos’ leg follows that up with a hardcore punch to the head then a modified brain buster to the back of his opponent’s neck.

Escobar counters with a fantastic slingshot off the top rope, completely distorting the champ. He wins over Theory with the Phantom Driver.

Winner: Santos Escobar


Dominik Mysterio (c) vs. Butch – NXT North American Championship match


I don’t know what the hell is going on with the whole “Dirty Dom” business, it’s getting on my nerves. This all started, I believe, a few weeks ago when Damian Priest was asking Dom what he does on his spare time with Rhea.

As if I want to know… Gross.

The moment Butch has Dom against the ropes, he has a five count as one usually does before getting disqualified. Since he was looking in the other direction, Dom takes advantage of it with a punch to the jaw.

Butch makes a comeback with a heavy clothesline to Dom’s throat that shocks Ripley. Ha! I’ve never seen Butch and Dom go at it, and I must say I’m loving it. Seeing Dominik’s fingers being twisted around by the joint manipulator is fascinating.

That’s probably the sadist in me. My bad… sort of. Butch continues to focus on the left arm of Dom then moves on to the right one for a short while before Dom manages to slip away.

While the referee was occupied, Rhea hands Dominik chains to use against Butch. He attempts to do just that as Ripley keeps the official’s eyes on her, unfortunately for him, Ridge Holland prevents him from inflicting pain with a weapon.

The match was moving in Dominik’s favor like he wanted, but for some reason, Pretty Deadly show up. Elton Prince comes in a wheelchair and cast over left arm as an injury during his match against Sheamus and Holland last week.

As if we need any more sudden appearances.

Anyway, Butch takes the fight to Dom after some very mediocre attempts at intimidation.

At some point, Ripley gets pissed at Michael Cole’s comments on how worried the World Women’s Champion is feeling. She tells him to shut up. Barrett makes fun of him for turning white as a sheep. Ha! Ha!

Dom starts celebration prematurely as he goes for the 619, yet Butch quickly counters with a beautiful back suplex out of nowhere. So swift.

Elsewhere, Pretty Deadly demand an apologize from Holland because of the injury, yet Ridge towers over them instead which results in a small altercation between Butch and Kit Wilson.

Funnily enough, Wilson scurries out of there once he notices that Holland and Butch outnumber him. He even leaves Prince behind. Of course, he wasn’t about to fight either of them, so he dashes off as well and Holland chases him.

“Oh my God, he’s healed!” Cole says sarcastically

As we get back to actual fight, Rhea gets involved yet again by dislocating Butch’s right leg, Dom shoves him into the post, finally covers him properly and retains his undeserved Championship.

The only thing I’m really concentrating on is the fact that although Wes Lee, the former NXT North American Champion, was here tonight, he didn’t interfere. Restrain, I suppose.

Winner: Dominik Mysterio


And now, for the moment we’ve all been waiting for not only a couple of hours but also days. The rules of engagement between Jey Jey and Roman at SummerSlam.

Before anything remotely relevant happens, I promise you I heard someone in the crowd say “Sit your ass down!” To who? I don’t know. I wish it’s to Reigns because those chairs are there to be seated.

When we get to it, Reigns cockily asks if Jey is certain he wants to fight him in two weeks. Rightfully so, Jey still agrees to go forward. For Jimmy.

Regardless of the heartwarming foundation, Roman calls Jey a soldier, a pawn. Quite frankly, the same thing. They get sacrificed by their so-called King for reasons that are stupid and petty the more you analyze them.

The fans chant: “U-so! U-so!” I joined them too.

Reigns signs the contract, but when he slides it over to Jey, he choses to rip it. I was perplexed but also amazed. I wasn’t the only one. Heyman looked like he needed something to eat. Ha!

The contract means nothing because this feud runs too deeply. Decades. This is Tribal Combat. This came as a shock to Reigns when he finds out that this Anything Goes Tribal Combat match was the elders’ idea.

Ha! Even they want your ass out.

Roman tries to persuade or lie to have Jey change his mind, yet he’s rather insistent. So am I. Reigns puts his ceremonial flowers and the Undisputed WWE Universal Championship on the line almost graciously then walks away. Sikoa, however, is astonished. So he ventures to Samoan Spike Jey, Roman stops him, but Solo gets Super Kicked by Jey as a response.

He’s still brainwashed, I see.

That pretty much concludes my night.

 

TOP PHOTO: Reigns and Jey Uso. Courtesy of WWE

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