Hey there!
Don’t you just love these events where anarchy can show its true face? It’s always so entertaining to watch it unfold. When you fight for this long, it’s only naturel you want it to pay off. After War Chamber, Battle Riot will up its ante to the Goddamn sky if it has to.
This is my first Battle Riot. Yay! Are you ready to have fun?
Battle Riot match
Our first entry is none other than Alex Kane. Of course, he always wants to be first at anything. Although, commentary wonders if he’s actually pleased. Apparently, Kane thinks the system is against him. Just like his opponent at number two, Willie Mack.
Mack and Kane have the other in a headlock. Willie breaks free and drop kicks Alex in the chest. I’m not sure what’s going on with Kane, but he gets his ass taken out twice in 30 seconds. Ha! Ha!
Entering at number three is Jesus Rodriguez, a man with flair and pristine I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting. He’s wearing a tuxedo to fight… I’ve never seen this before. Rodriguez and Kane go after Mack with double the force.
Next we have Lince Dorado coming in at number four. Jesus goes after him, but Dorado beats him to it with a kick to the face before climbing to the top and deliver a crossbody.
Jesus almost takes Lince out by throwing him over the top rope, but the talented Luchador slings himself back in. Unfortunately for him, Jesus was ready.
At number five, we have Calvin Tankman. Calvin ploughs through at Rodriguez then goes after Kane while he was busy with Willie. Tankman taunts Kane to get up, and once he did, Calvin went on the second attack to his opponent’s throat and chest.
Kane is wiped clean, so Tankman purses Rodriguez by punching him in the stomach against the turnbuckles. He sends Jesus a nice German suplex as our sixth entry comes in. Lance Anoa’i!!
According to commentary, Lance is the only one whose been to all five Battle Riots since it started. A veteran of finesse. One of which he eliminated his father. Ha! Anoa’i goes Aller Uce early on Lince. Super Kicks Rodriguez, Tankman, Kane then Mack.
Lance was on a temporary roll till Jesus knees him in the gut then strangles him with the middle rope. I wasn’t sure, but I think while Lance was hammering away at Jesus, I think he was biting his forehead…? Things are getting wild.
Everyone started smiling the moment we saw our seventh entry. Microman! What the hell were Dorado, Mack and Anoa’i doing? Each lined up and opened their legs to make them look like a tunnel that Microman slithered his way under in order to bonk Rodriguez’ dick in the corner of the ring… Why?…
It’s been a while since we’ve since people from the Azteca Lucha Underground, when Cesar Duran disappeared. One of his ex-henchmen is part of the Riot, Los Azteca 33. The moment he comes in, he goes straight after Microman then Rodriguez.
Tankman nearly disposed of Dorado, but he hung on and rolled back in. Calvin, however, thought he had him beat. Imagine his surprise when he turned around and found Lince on the mat. Ha!
Kane attempts to fight Anoa’i, yet he delivers an uppercut to Alex’s incoming assault. Meanwhile, Microman was seen simply walking on Azteca 33 like a carpet. Ha! Ha! Ha! Dorado and Microman assist each other to get rid of him.
Juicy Finau enters at number nine with back-breaking toys in a cart. He throws one at Rodriguez’ head while throwing the rest in the ring. Although Lance had some backup, he was quickly dumped by Kane.
Finau and Tankman are both holding backing trays as weapons to the other’s head. Juicy hardly budged when Calvin hit him with his tray. Ha! So Finau returns the favor with a damn whiteboard that momentarily rocks Tankman.
And speaking of big men, The Beastman is here. He connects with Rodriguez in the corner, all that mass on top of him.
Kane has a baton as he goes after Little Guido, who hastily deflects it. He sees Microman stuck at the top, he tries his luck, but Tankman has him on his shoulders. Whatever Dorado, Microman, Tankman and Guido were doing, Beastman crashed the party.
Annoyingly, Sam Adonis has now entered. He delivers a double neck breaker to Rodriguez and Kane. Beastman takes him down with a clothesline.
Microman bits Beastman’s leg while he was having a goliath stare down with Tankman and Finau. They all team up to take Beastman out. Mance Warner arrives next with a 2×4 piece of wood ploughing at Tankman, Kane, Rodriguez’ face, Finau, then Adonis. He also eliminated Jesus.
Funnily, Warner and Adonis eliminate each other during the break. As long as Sam is gone, I’m fine. But the fun isn’t over, the brawl continues between them into the locker rooms.
Kane choked out Microman as he taps out. Jimmy Lloyd, Mr. Thomas, TJ Crawford and Ken Broadway also have entered.
Oh my God. The lights were glitching. That means The Calling, whoever, is coming in. They were all coming out. The moment they got in, the atmosphere of the entire game has changed. They were swiftly taking over. Even Raven was a contender… sitting in the corner though.
Rickey Shane Page eliminates Tankman. TJ Crawford steps up to Akira and severely pays for it. Page DDTs Jimmy Lloyd and Raven covers. “That’s curious to me…” I thought so too.
The Calling were taking out everyone. Akira eliminates Lince. Finau and Mr. Thomas are the only ones left that have no association with Raven and his goons. The entire time, The Calling’s theme music kept playing, as if they were above the air of everyone else. Oof, scary.
Oop. Down goes Mr. Thomas. Ha! Can’t say the way he got winded onto the outside wasn’t hilarious. That would be a lie. The shock on his face. Priceless.
What else was worth giggling about was how fast Azteca 9 got eliminated by Page the second he came in. He broke the record. Reminds me of someone else. Ha!
Juicy was being manhandled by The Calling, being the last one of his kind in the ring, hopefully the next entry will land an assist. It’s JACOB FATU!
With Fatu’s help at clearing the ring of Doctor Cornwallis, Delirious and a few goons, Finau was still in trouble because they were planning on using gasoline while his hands were bound. Damn. Fatu came just in time.
In order to take Juicy out, Akira sacrificed himself to do it. Fatu also risked his chances by eliminating Rickey as well. Great… This is the first time Jacob has ever been eliminated during Battle Riot.
The brawl between Page and Fatu continues along with Akira and Juicy. Kimchee comes in, Kimchee is taken out by Kane. So, so fast. Same thing goes for one half of The Mane Event, Midas Black. The only reason why Kane survived The Calling is because he escaped under the ropes before they came in. Smart.
What shocked me was our next entry, Taya Valkyrie. I thought to myself that maybe her husband, John Hennigan, is using her theme music as a distraction for when he swoops in and eliminates Kane. Commentary mention that Taya made history for being the first female entry in Battle Riot last year and now the first to compete.
Valkyrie sends a few punches and kicks to Kane, surprisingly, Alex leg German suplexes Taya and ships her home. That was too quick, too unnecessary. I should have asked myself if it was going to last anyway. Of course not. Too big a dream.
The second half of The Mane Event is here and his name is Jay Lyon. So far, Kane has been holding the fort very well. Whose going to knock him out, if at all, who knows? It’s definitely not Lyon since he gets chocked out and passes out.
Elsewhere in the parking lot, Matthew Justice is seen fending off The Calling. We’re left wondering if he’ll be ready to enter the ring. For now, we have Ray Jaz. He manages to throw Kane off his feet for a bit, yet it didn’t last very long. A belly-to-belly suplex and a body twisting sleeper hold by Kane breaks Jaz’ momentum.
He’s been taking out wrestlers in 20 seconds before the next entrant comes in. Dare I say, wow. However, the moment Lio Rush’s theme music started playing, Kane’s face knew it wasn’t going to be simple like the rest. The Bad Child is finally here!
GTFOH by Rush to Kane doesn’t put him away. Ha! What does that even mean? Kane may have harshly suplexed Lio on his backside, but he isn’t out yet. Just in time for Tracy Williams to march his way to battle in his debut.
Williams drops Lio face first against the top turnbuckle and ALMOST sends Rush on the outside, luckily, Lio is still in this. He’s too athletic. Tracy does deliver an impressive punch to Kane’s jaw that whips him backwards to his knees.
Kane has some backup when another member of the Bomaye Fight Club comes into the fold, O’Shay Edwards. Another debuting wrestler. He and Kane try to flip Lio over, but fail once they’re on the receiving end of his punches and kicks.
Duke “The Dumpster” Droese comes in next much to the delight of the commentators. Droese squares off against O’Shay and sends the big man down with a trashcan. It was great, for the moment, till Kane puts him threw the ankle lock. What he didn’t know is that Droese’s leg is prosthetic… He still tries to remove it though…
For some reason, Rickey Shane Page comes waltzing back in, thankfully, Fatu impedes him. You ain’t coming back here. No sir. Meanwhile, The 1 Called Manders is reeking havoc on the mat and Matthew Justice missed his entrant number, so he’s been eliminated. Thanks a lot, Calling.
I can’t lie and say I don’t like John Hennigan’s theme music. You guys aren’t here for that. No. I like his theme music actually. Him as a person remains to be seen. He takes out everyone the moment he enters the ring. That kick he gave Lio rocked him. Sadly for him, everyone wanted to get rid of Johnny.
I bet Kane isn’t happy to see Davey Boy Smith Jr. next. Ha! Sucks to be you. Shigehiro Irie enters later as well after Manders gets trampled to extinction by Hennigan.
Gene Snisky takes the 40th spot in Battle Riot. He ploughs through Kane, choke slams Rush on his head and decapitates Hennigan. All great things before his ass gets sent home by the remaining contestants.
NOOOO!! Lio Rush got eliminated. NOOO! Damn it! Damn it! Oh… right, so did O’Shay Edwards. We’re down the home stretch with Kane, Irie, Smith Jr. and Hennigan.
Hennigan was so close to removing Kane from this match, but Alex still has stamina to keep fighting. He also breaks the record for lasting the longest. Kane pressures his sleeper hold on Hennigan and sends him to night night land. Irie goes too.
Not too long ago, we had a Smith Jr. and Kane No Ropes match. Now we have a Kane and Smith Jr. Battle Riot match. I like the two finalists. “How poetic!” Kane was number one while Davey was number 38. A massive suplex exchange battle.
What marked the biggest moment was when Kane had his sleeper hold cinched tightly around Davey’s throat, turning him blue, grappling at the referee, along with his strong legs wrapped around his opponent’s waist causing Smith Jr. to tap out, awarding Kane the victory.
I can’t say he doesn’t deserve it because he literally fought the hardest to get to this point. I applaud him… regardless of his tendency to take things that don’t belong to him.
Bomaye! Bomaye! Bomaye!
Winner: Alex Kane
TOP PHOTO: Kane choking out Smith Jr. Courtesy of MLW