NWA USA: CJ looks to make magic with Natalia Markova

Anything can happen in professional wrestling, including seeing in the Main Event of NWA USA Natalia Markova facing CJ.

Yes, “Magic” Jake Dumas’ assistant will be in action against the ravishing Crush.  How that will play out in the National Wrestling Alliance is anybody’s guess.

But let’s head to the PBS Studios in Tampa, FL., where we have Kyle Davis at The Podium talking to the former NWA US Tag Team champions, The Fixers. They still say they are the champs and not The Country Gentlemen.  Davis points out that Bobby Fulton came out of retirement so he could challenge either man to a fight for the way they’ve disrespected the tag belts and the NWA and wrestling in general.   Jay Bradley laughs it off and says “Wrecking Ball” Legursky has the match tonight against “Bobbysaurus Rex.”

Comedy; thy name is Fixers.

In any case, Joe Galli, Tim Storm, and Velvet Sky have the call, and we go to the First Match of the night between…

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Bobby Fulton vs. Wrecking Ball Legursky

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Galli mentions this is a non-sanctioned match, and he really emphasizes Fulton overcoming throat cancer but his overall health in general.  As Legursky laughs this off, Fulton slaps the taste outta The Fixer and goes to Bradley in the corner of the ring to check his health and his vision.  Before things can really fire up, Ricky Morton comes out with a steel chair to make things equal.  He has no love lost for the Fixers and they want no part of the Rock & Roller.  As Morton stares off The Fixers and Fulton has exited the ring at this point, Jamie Stanley and Joe Alonzo sneak up from behind and attack Morton with the same chair he brought into the ring. 

The Nerve!  The Audacity!  The Power of Douchnozzlery™!  All of if is on display here.  As for the end of the match?  Eh, I call it a…

No Contest

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May Valentine is backstage with Aron Stevens(awkward) and Blunt Force Trauma.  He’s not here to talk about undying love, but he is going to address Rolando for calling him out and claiming he pushed him into that Heavyweight fight with Tyrus a few weeks ago. Stevens won’t be disrespected and proposes they have a Tampa Titanic Street Fight. Stevens then lays it out for Rolando that when it comes to him and Blunt Force Trauma, “In a business of boys, they are men.”

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Now Valentine is with Gaagz the Gymp and Father James Mitchell. She asks The Sinister Minister about the next semi-final match with Max The Impaler facing Taya Valkyrie for the NWA Women’s World Television Title tournament.  Mitchell minces no words and says Max will leave her like “a broken, twisted little Barbie doll lying on the wasteland.” As for Sal walking out on his match against Gaagz The Gymp in the Mask Versus Hair match, Mitchell does have empathy for what he’s going through and it can be worked out.  But he also says in the same breath, and he directs this at Sal, that he makes the rules, and what he creates he destroys.

(Author’s Note:  It’s like Catholic School all over again.)

But let’s go to ringside as your next match is between…

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Blake “Bulletproof” Troop (with Chris Silvio, Esq.) vs. Jeremiah Plunkett (with Danny Dealz)

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Silvio gives the intros for his client and proclaims him “the deadliest force in combat sports,” with Troop tacking on at the end, “Bang, bang!  Lights out!”

This match is a case of MMA know-how versus Southern rasslin’ savvy, and Plunkett gets the early lead with hip tosses to Troop.  The Tater Peeler manages a drop toehold to Troop in the corner and goes for a tackle but finds he is Bulletproof in that matter.  Plunkett hits the ropes and a well-placed shin kick drops him to the mat, and Troop focuses his efforts on damaging the leg and knee of the Ill-Begotten member.  Troop gets a leg grapevine on ropes to create more torque on Plunkett’s bad wheel and then follows up with Muay Thai kicks in the corner.  He goes for a heel hook, and as Plunkett reaches for the ropes he slams his knee hard on the canvass, and then Troop nails a full nelson bomb that makes him land awkwardly on the mat.  Troop attempts a running knee in the corner and misses.  Now that he comes up babbling, Plunkett zeroes in and targets his leg, tit-for-tat.  Both men are hobbled, but Plunkett throws some jabs at the MMA fighter, and then goes for a Figure Four but Troop manages to push him into the corner to stun him on the turnbuckles.  Troop then delivers with the Hand Grenade haymaker and locks in his Figure Four variant to make Plunkett scream in pain as he has no choice but to tap out.

Your Winner via Submission:  Blake “Bulletproof” Troop

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We get a recap of the Main Event between MechaWolf and Kerry Morton, but if you missed NWA POWERRR this past Tuesday, read it here.

But it’s time for the Main Event, and it’s between…

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CJ vs. Natalia Markova

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CJ comes out wearing her magic assistant costume with her Mary Jane high heels, and inspects the turnbuckles, and presents them to the fans.  Meanwhile, Galli and company are wondering what is going through her head and wonder if she knows she is supposed to wrestle since this is her first time in the squared circle.

The bell rings and CJ goes out to present the ring to the fans. The ref is confused and so is Markova and even the commentary can’t figure out what the hell is going on in her head

(Author’s Rant:  Hi, Folks.  Just wanna pause here and mention the following, since the “fanboys” in the YouTube chatroom were so aghast by this and could not understand what was going on and Corgan should hang his head in shame and this is beneath both women.  I know for a fact that CJ a.k.a Christi Jaynes can wrestle, and has done so on previous NWA POWERRR shows.  Do I understand the booking?  No.  Is this the worst thing to happen in women’s wrestling?  Hardly.  Should this be on the main event?  Ok, that’s debatable.  But just like Rolando fought Tyrus in the main event and it looks like that is going to lead to a potential feud with Aron Stevens, this has the potential to lead to something bigger.

Or, if I can quote Utah movie critic Sean Means:  You buy the bit, you buy the premise.  Or, channel Mystery Science Theater 3000 and then “repeat to yourself it’s just a show,
I should really just relax.”)

The ref tries to persuade CJ to get in the ring, and CJ seems oblivious to it all.  Finally, the ref puts his foot down and gets her in the ring.  CJ then presents Markova to the crowd, and The Crush is being patient but it’s starting to wear thin.  Before she locks up, she pulls a magic handkerchief from CJ’s costume and slaps her into the corner.  CJ gets out of the way, and tries to cut her with a magic card, but that trick falls flat.  Finally, Markova uncorks and Delivers the Beautiful Disaster kick and CJ  falls like a tree to allow The Crush to cover for the one, two, and three.

Your Winner via Pinfall:  Natalia Markova

Markova is victorious as CJ is still laid out as the show goes to the credits.