Welcome to blood, sweat and tears the show!
Ha! I felt like fully expressing SmackDown’s identity, and here it is. Very accurate, don’t you think?
I’m still confused and so is Zayn because of last week’s… uh.. interruption at the hands of the Usos and Solo Sikoa during Sami’s match against Kevin Owens. This was meant to help Zayn further prove he can take Owens out like I primarily thought weeks ago.
Given what we saw, I didn’t think that Roman would deliberately dodge Sami when he attempts to fist bump with him. He walks off… even Sikoa looked disinterested. What the hell is going on?! Regardless of how devoted Sami is to The Bloodline, he still receives the hot and cold shoulder from Reigns. The twins aren’t like the rest of the group, at least not for tonight. Which is a surprise to us all.
Sheamus & Drew McIntyre vs. The Viking Raiders – Undisputed Tag Team Tournament Round One
During the majority of this match, the Raiders were keeping Sheamus isolated from Drew, weakening him in the process. But Sheamus managed to buck up some energy to deliver the Ten Beats of the Bodhrán to Erik.
Once McIntyre gets tagged, he ploughs through Ivar like I would in a playground fist fight. He exploded all over the mat this evening. He gives Erik and Ivar a double neck breaker before going into a kip up.
Because of how much power was siphoned out from Sheamus earlier, he couldn’t help Drew when he took on Ivar near the turnbuckles with chops to the chest. McIntyre had the chance to flip Ivar on his back from the top rope, yet Erik intervened in time. Not for long though, Sheamus regains strength to plant Erik with the White Noise, which allows Drew to send Ivar flying by grabbing onto his head and flipping him over.
All four bodies were scattered on the mat.
Sheamus prepares himself for the Bro Kick, suddenly, Valhalla sends a distraction by yelling at him. It almost gave Erik the opening to charge Sheamus, thankfully, he shields himself with his boots. It was all well and great till Erik tags Ivar in for a massive splash that doesn’t award the Raiders the win. Yes!
Unfortunately, the Vikings had Sheamus cornered, which he doesn’t like, so he attempts to fight them off. The Raiders held Sheamus down for a double team, but luckily, Sheamus wiggles out in time to send Ivar a teeth shattering knee to the jaw, and Drew ships Erik to Claymore Country.
Sheamus looks to rally, waits for Ivar to get back on his feet then he delivers a painfully beautiful Bro Kick for a chance to advance in this tournament.
Winners: Sheamus & Drew McIntyre
In The Bloodline locker room, Sami took notice of the frosty welcome in the parking lot, so he went to talk to Roman. The Tribal Chief urged Zayn to speak the truth about how he felt about last week, and he said he was a little disappointed. He wasn’t aware there was a plan in motion.
Although, he’s right about being the only one left out of the loop. On the contrary side, Roman doesn’t think so. He believes that he doesn’t have to run his game plans with the Honorary Uce. When did that start happening? Because of how disrespectful it felt to Reigns, he orders Sami to leave the room. Reigns unintentionally suggests that Sami goes to make his own family pack with Owens instead of hovering over his. Paul Heyman makes it even more explicit by pointing where the door is along with its description. Unnecessary.
Raquel Rodriquez is so excited for her first Royal Rumble event in her hometown of Texas. She’s ready to wipe the floor with every women who enters the ring with her next week.
LA Knight vs. Brent Jones
I’ve never met this Brent character, so I wasn’t surprised when he got beaten to a pulp so, so quickly. It was hardly a fight, folks. We needed a corpse for Knight to battle with, and Jones provided… ish.
Knight was too focused on Bray. This 30 seconds match was a preview for his and Wyatt’s upcoming Pitch Black match at the Rumble. Knight was too keen to ask if Bray even knows what’s going on. One minute he isn’t Uncle Howdy, and the next he is. Wyatt might just be as confused as Knight. And me.
Every time Knight had Jones in his clutches, the big screen would flash Bray Wyatt’s upside bee fly logo to frighten Knight. And I suspect it did. Brent took advantage of that with a couple of harsh hits, that could have shocked us to think this Jones person could win.
Yikes. Alas, Knight gets right back in the game with a wicked clothesline followed by the BFT for a win.
This should be over, right? Wrong. Bray returns to the Firefly Funhouse with a message for Knight in the company of his creepy and disgruntled friends. Rat Bunny, Pigsy, Dark Sheila and Bray’s butt crack… Note: These names are of my own creation. If I happen to be right, it was accidental. Ha!
Dark Sheila doesn’t like Rat Bunny’s idea of inviting LA Knight to the Funhouse. Who wants that forest chest hair breeding man on the show? Not Sheila.
But she’ll like this though. Uncle Howdy shows up with a memo. “I told you so. All you needed was a little push.” Now that the door has been opened between Knight and Wyatt, anything and everything that comes out is not Bray’s problem.
Winner: LA Knight
Hit Row vs. Los Lotharios – Undisputed Tag Team Tournament Round One
Now this is an interesting matchup. I don’t think I’ve these two groups brawl each other, and I like it. Let’s hope Top Dolla will concentrate because he’s been too pissed off lately… rightfully so. Instead, I’d laugh at myself if I came off the ropes the way he did. Ha! Ha! Ha! I’m too amused by my own clumsiness.
Anyway, Ashante and Humberto start this fight. Mainly a few combinations of arm cracking maneuvers that ultimately leads Humberto tagging his partner, Angel to play a double team.
Top Dolla gets tagged in as he sends a kick to the mid-section followed by a body throw over his shoulder. Angel had no choice but to run out of the ring and take refuge at the commentary table. Dolla goes after him, and at the same he catches Michael Cole mentioning that he isn’t a high flyer. Cole turned white as a sheet when Dolla locked eyes with him then started shouting to come over.
Dolla accidentally removes Angel’s pants, but we all know he’s wearing his male panties underneath, so we’re good. Phew.
Once Lotharios sent Hit Row into the announcement table, they fell on their asses hard. B-Fab grabbed onto Humberto’s leg to prevent him from charging Ashante, he sees the opening and rolls Humberto up for a win.
Winners: Hit Row
Braun Strowman is also getting ready for next week. Whoever gets in his way will get those massive hands that feel like a truckload of bricks. I’m excited. I have no complaints for that threat he just gave us. Ha!
Charlotte Flair is here tonight to discuss the sudden but targeted attack from Sonya Deville with Detroit. She believes that Deville has a problem with her because she beat her before, so she invites Sonya to come talk to her women-to-women instead of whining to Adam Pearce or jumping her from behind.
“Every single time I walk through that stage, I’m a star,” Sonya said. I laughed. Detroit seems to think otherwise while they kept chanting: “You suck!” to Deville because of how high-maintenance she is as she talks about how arrogant Flair is.
Charlotte doesn’t care, but she questions what does Sonya have that makes her think she’s more special than the rest of the locker room. Due to Sonya’s constant need to demand title matches week after week, Flair came to the conclusion that she isn’t the entitled, arrogant one here.
Flair instigates a match tonight, shockingly, Deville refuses, mainly because there’s nothing in it for her. Unless, of course, Charlotte puts her title on the line. This messy interaction is going way off the rails for Pearce’s liking, so he comes out questioning the pacing of this nonsense, and Sonya gives Charlotte a cheap shot before leaving the stage.
Elsewhere, Paul Heyman gives Roman wise advice, which is a toxin to me that I actually think that about this snake. He instructs Roman that it’s best if Sami pisses outside from within the castle rather than pissing onto the luxurious monument itself. Meaning, in case you didn’t understand, Heyman believes it’s better to have Zayn on the side of The Bloodline than seeing him breaking bread with Kevin Owens.
Butch & Ridge Holland vs. Ludwig Kaiser & Giovanni Vinci – Undisputed Tag Team Tournament Round One
For some odd reason, Holland felt like talking smack to Vinci, so he gets kicked in the abdomen then chopped. Satisfying to say, Ridge puts Gio through an arm drag.
Since Giovanni came to SmackDown, I kept wondering when was he going to wrestle because he hasn’t until recently. I’m glad that he finally did.
Holland tags Butch in, so he could leap from the top onto Vinci’s arm. That soon goes to the dump once Kaiser is brought into the fold with a great takedown of Butch.
Kaiser drags Butch to the edge of the ring, so Gio could body splash on the back their opponent for a failed cover. Butch counters with a Tornado DDT then tags Holland, who headbutts Kaiser right before he could drop him from above.
Ludwig gives a kick to the back of Butch’s head, he collapses into Gio’s hands, so he could send one of hell of a brain buster on the main floor.
Kaiser and Vinci play a double team with the Imperium Bomb for a victory in their round one.
Winners: Ludwig Kaiser & Giovanni Vinci
Sami looks like a sad boy as he sits on a box backstage waiting for Paul to tell him that Roman wants to see him.
Shayna Baszler is going to break arms, dislocate ankles and tear these other wrestlers’ spines out to win the Rumble. I may as well be graphic with this one.
Karrion Kross reminds all 29 men that time is ticking for everyone, but mostly it’s a warning for Rey Mysterio. Kross is still not done with him given they have a match next Friday.
Cruz Del Toro & Joaquin Wilde vs. Ma.cé & Mansoor – Undisputed Tag Team Tournament Round One
Mansoor begins strong enough with a shoulder tackle and a headbutt to Wilde’s mid-section, yet Joaquin comes back with a body twisting splash.
The models team up to send both Del Toro and Wilde outside as if this was practice for the Rumble. Santos Escobar rallies his forces back on their feet, so they could Drop Kick the models onto the main floor and jump them.
Since Mansoor’s body was indisposed, Ma.cé had to drag it back to his corner, tags himself in then achieves a big swing kick to Wilde and Del Toro using those long legs of his.
The models had their opponents down for a moment, yet Wilde wiggles from their grip to plant Ma.cé with a DDT and allow Mansoor to break his dick on the ropes. Wilde and Del Toro play a double team to win over the models.
Winners: Del Toro & Wilde
Not too many people can realize and apologize for their bad behaviors, so it was nice to see Roman make rights with Sami about earlier. Zayn wanted clear communication, that’s all. And Reigns agreed… with Heyman’s influence. I still think there’s something weird going on. Am I paranoid? What if I’m the one building things up where’s there’s none?
I’m amazed that I might not solely be paranoid. Since Roman is a very popular man in this business, it’s possible there are others within the family who could be sneaking up for the Reigns’ Undisputed titles. This isn’t only in my head where I can still see weeks of cracks breaking the ground under The Bloodline’s feet right before my eyes. You just have to pay attention.
And speaking of attention, as we wait for KO to arrive for the contact signing, we didn’t suspect to see him attacking Solo Sikoa from behind. Owens goes after Reigns with a Pop Up Powerbomb through the table, Super Kicks the Usos then marches towards Heyman to snatch the contract from his snaky hands to sign it.
I don’t know where the hell Sami was, but he finally shows up after the fireworks went off. He and Kevin have a staring contest. Just when we thought they were going to brawl it out, Owens quickly scurries away to glare down at The Bloodline from the audience section.
Here I thought because of this mess, we weren’t going to have a signing. Ha! Ha! My mistake.
TOP PHOTO: Bray Wyatt at the Funhouse. Courtesy of WWE