Hi everyone,
I’m not going to write a long ass introduction because the first match of the night abruptly crashed into my face, so we’ll get straight into it.
The Usos (c) vs. Sheamus & Butch – Undisputed Tag Team Championship match
When I saw my email telling me about this match, I was confused. I’m not saying that Sheamus and Butch can’t be an ideal team, but it feels unbalanced and unusual in the sense that I’ve never seen any tag be more in tune with each other than the Usos are.
I thought to myself that Elias and Riddle work well together, and they do, but not to the level of the twins. No one seems to be no matter how much of a dream team the opposing opponents are.
One of the many highlights of this match was when Sheamus and Butch had the Uso twins at the ready for the Ten Beats of the Bodhrán as they play a double team. Jey got the worst of it while Jimmy manages to slip through Sheamus’ hands as Butch kept pounding away at Jey.
Butch stomps on Jey’s hands then follows it by a kick to the ear before backing him up into a corner to do whatever it is he initially planned, but Butch gets intercepted as Jey throws him over his shoulders allowing the brothers to deliver hard uppercuts.
Later on, the Usos were preparing themselves for the One D, yet Sheamus crawls back into the fold to yank Jey and slam him against the barricades, leaving Jimmy to fend for himself. Butch was close to winning with a huge Powerbomb, thankfully, Jimmy kicks out. How close indeed, Butch had Jimmy’s butt in his face. Ha! Ha! Ha! That must’ve been uncomfortable…
Jey tags himself in, yet he gets swept by Sheamus while Jimmy gets caught by Butch. Sami sneaks in as he attempts to help, but Ridge beats him to the punch with a heavy boot to the face.
Sheamus was going for the Bro Kick, but “he didn’t get the full extent of his legs” said Wade Barrett in order to do so. He settled for a knee strike instead that worked wonders on Jey’s jaw for a cover that went nowhere. Thank God. Ha! Ha! Full extent of his legs… Ha! I can’t. What is he? A model?
Right in front of the commentary table, Ridge and Solo are now tangled in a brawl. Sikoa sends Holland into the timekeepers’ area like garbage with a Spinning Solo.
Jey’s legs were like jelly, he didn’t know where he was, Butch came in with a kick to his head, and he was looking to end this. Unfortunately for him, Jimmy tags himself in without Butch’s knowledge, so the twins could perform the One D move for a victory over the Brutes. Pity for them, but I’m happy for the Usos. My boys are the top of the top. This ain’t up for debate as Bianca Belair would say.
Winners: The Usos
Kurt Angle, the Olympian gold medalist and Hall of Famer, is here tonight to celebrate his birthday with us, and I’m excited.
And speaking of excitement, LA Knight wants answers on his sudden attack from a couple of weeks ago. Bray Wyatt says it wasn’t him, but I won’t count him out, so we’ll have to keep investigating the mystery going on backstage, won’t we? How enticing!
Also, JOHN CENA will be back on SmackDown three weeks from today in over a year. I was blown away with happiness. I miss him.
Anyway, LA Knight isn’t convinced that Wyatt didn’t attack him, but he has proof confirming his claims. I mentioned that I saw Uncle Howdy’s mask hovering in the background before Knight was assaulted, Knight saw it too. He wants to burn Bray down, and in some way, Howdy encourages him to. Which makes it more frightening.
I still believe that Howdy is the other, more hidden version of Wyatt. And if I’m wrong, who the hell is this man??
As we move on from that ominous mood, a Digital Exclusive shot from the parking lot shows Shotzi in pain after an ambush orchestrated by Ronda Rousey and Shayna Baszler in the parking lot. These two have been very dominant and scary for weeks now, so they don’t think they’ve gone too far. But what they didn’t see coming was Liv Morgan and Tegan Nox. These girls want a chance to face Baszler and Rousey because arrogance can get you beat.
The Viking Raiders vs. Joaquin Wilde & Cruz Del Toro (Legado del Fantasma) – Tag Team match
There was supposed to be a match between these men, but as the battle started for at least two minutes, Hit Row’s B-Fab struts out holding a steel chair and sits down. We didn’t know what was happening until… Ashante and Top Dolla ambush both the Raiders, Wilde and Del Toro from behind.
B-Fab gets jumped by Valhalla as she tries to wear her down, but in vain. B-Fab manages to launch Valhalla into Zelina, who’s sitting at commentary. So, Hit Row’s sudden presence has been accomplished with ease. Good for them!
Winners: Double disqualification
LA Knight is backstage in the locker rooms searching for Bray but the lights go off. He uses his phone’s flashlight, and as he turns around, he’s met with Uncle Howdy… or Bray. I’m not sure what happened after that, but I suspect the man is dead. Bye!
Anyway, I’m very proud of Ricochet for winning the World Cup for a chance to face Gunther for the Intercontinental Championship in a rematch next week. The fight against Santos was intense. You could see that Rico really wanted it far more than Escobar.
Gunther and Ricochet took a seat to issue the contract signing, yet The New Day came out to have Ricochet’s back because they knew that Imperium would jump Rico knowing he’s outnumbered. We can’t have that. I’m surprised that Adam Pearce thought chaos wouldn’t happen. The New Day are wearing gear in tribute to Jason David Frank who played the character in the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.
That’s a dream that holds no merit because a brawl is underway between New Day, Imperium and Ricochet. Of course this turns into an official match once Pearce asks a referee to come out and start this staggering fight as he scurries away. Yes, Pearce. Run.
The New Day & Ricochet vs. Imperium – 6-man Tag Team match
Gunther makes it so easy to deliver chops to people, especially to Ricochet in the middle of the ring when he’s left alone to face the Ring General. Gunther wants to send a message to Rico that he won’t win the title back no matter how hard he fights, the General believes he’ll persevere. Hmm. We’ll see, won’t we.
Ricochet retaliates with a quick kick to the side of Gunther’s head followed by a running knee to the jaw. It was funny to see Gunther wobble the way he did like noodles. Tonight we saw another side to Ricochet as he throws hands on Gunther, which almost gets him disqualified. If he has to prove a point then elimination isn’t a bad thing. Who cares, really? He does stop in time. Boo.
As Rico gets fired up, he pulls the biggest matrix out of his ass when he avoids any collision with Gunther’s boot. It was so sick, like the type of moves you see in martial art films. Barrett and Michael Cole were also stunned.
Giovanni and Ludwig play a double team on Kofi, but Kingston dodges a bullet by rolling through. Ricochet climbs the ropes to met Kaiser at the top, so he could drag him onto his back using his legs as a slingshot. Woods takes out Gunther and Gio outside the ring and Kofi sends a Trouble in Paradise to Kaiser as well.
The path is clear for Ricochet to perform the Shooting Star for a successful win.
Winners: Ricochet & The New Day
Backstage, Alpha Academy can’t believe they weren’t on the list to Kurt Angle’s birthday party. Otis came wearing a tie on his chest and everything since he has no neck to show for. Ha! They thought… A little later, the Street Profits arrive to cut through Gable and Otis like cheap meat in order to get to the celebrations. Don’t let Alpha Academy in, please and thank you, Angle.
Elsewhere, The Bloodline are over ecstatic about feeling “ucey” due to their win earlier tonight. Because of that, Jey wants Sami to clean up since Roman Reigns will be here next week. Trim the beard, hair and whatnot, thank God.
And given last week’s Tarot card reading from Scarlett, Karrion Kross has a chat with Rey Mysterio about Dominik. Kross tells the story about one of Scarlett’s horses that had to be put down, and this is meant to show clarity that Rey should do the same with Dom to put him out of his misery due to their falling out and his rage taking a more brutal turn. Maybe, or maybe not the solution.
We’ll have to wait to see it play out. I can’t see Rey beat his son down even if he deserves it at this point. He’ll keep trying to find a different way to get through to Dom. A good father would keep searching for every possible avenue. But I still think Dominik should remove thy name. It’s shameful.
Tegan Nox & Liv Morgan vs. Ronda Rousey & Shayna Baszler – Tag Team match
Tegan has proven to be an amazing ally to have, so Morgan took great advantage of that… in a kind sense. Nox looks a force to be wrecked with.
Baszler has Nox in all sorts of agonizing maneuvers to probably twist her bones and muscles around just for the hell of it. Shayna did say “If I break all my toys, I won’t have anything to play with”. Absolutely sadistic.
Tegan manages to rise up with a few arm drags to Shayna followed by mean uppercuts in the corner of the ring for good measure. It was all well and good, but Shayna kicks Tegan on the tempol of her head when she tried to jump from the top rope.
Ronda is now tagged in as she mocks Tegan for not being able to reach Morgan, she puts Nox through several brutal arm drags before imitating Liv by laying on her stomach and twiddling her legs like a lovey dovey school girl. Rousey didn’t see Tegan take the chance to roll her up though…
That makes Ronda mad, so she delivers an Ankle Lock to Tegan; however, Nox rolls through sending Rousey under the ropes.
Tegan kept favoring her wounded leg and was in desperate need of a tag, so when Ronda crawled towards Shayna to do the same, Tegan makes it to Morgan. As soon as Liv gets in the ring, she drop kicks Shayna on her back. Liv was fired up once she drop kicks Shayna again from the second rope then stomps on her spine.
Baszler comes to her senses and delivers a German suplex to Morgan leaving both women down. Meanwhile, RAQUEL RODRIGUEZ, who isn’t medically cleared yet, marches her way to the ring in a fit of fury as Adam Pearce and other officials attempt to hold her back.
Given the mess going at ringside, Morgan was still in Shayna’s grip with the Kirifuda clutch, luckily, Liv wiggles out of it. Suddenly, Tegan rushes in to send a Shinning Wizard move to Baszler, which allows Morgan to cover a victory.
Winners: Tegan Nox & Liv Morgan
Kurt Angle came out onto the main stage to commemorate his birthday, but we can’t start anything because Alpha Academy didn’t take the exclusion very well. So, Chad Gable threatens Angle that he’ll end up with another injury if he doesn’t leave the ring.
Angle does walk away, but he comes back with Gable Steveson and a milk truck. Alpha Academy are soaked with milk bottles and a hose replicating that Attitude Era moment. Chad and Otis were embarrassed beyond belief as we conclude the night. I hate milk that isn’t chocolate but this was fun! The proper way to dispose of milk is by spraying it on someone. Ha!
TOP PHOTO: Kurt Angle sprays milk on Otis and Chad Gable. Courtesy of WWE