What’s up, wrestling fans?

We’re in for an incredible evening on SmackDown tonight. Footage from last week’s match between Reigns and Riddle was shown just to remind how massively impeccable The Bloodline has become.

If I’m being blunt, instead of seeing Brock Lesnar come back, I thought someone we haven’t seen would show up to challenge Reigns but they didn’t. I’m not shocked.

Aside from an unsurprising appearance Adam Pearce believes with Paul Heyman’s influence that he was too rash with his decision on accepting both Drew McIntyre and Sheamus to participate in the Mens’ Money in the Bank ladder match, so they will deal with the possible repercussions later.

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Sami Zayn – Money in the Bank Qualifying match

Sami dedicates this match to Roman Reigns as a means to protect him like the honorary “Usu” he is. I’m starting to believe Kevin Owens when he pretty much summarized that Zayn is demented for thinking he is part of The Bloodline.

Shinsuke starts the battle by flipping himself onto Zayn to break his arm. This has been a long rivalry between Nakamura and Zayn for a while, so this rematch was necessary.

Nakamura has been making this match his own by dominating Zayn’s lack of strength. But that was a sham, as we are known about Sami, he suddenly manages to push Nakamura against the ring post and the announcement table. Sami was going for his embarrassing finisher I call ‘The Count Out’. Ha! That didn’t work of course.

Because Nakamura was momentarily out, Sami took the opportunity to climb the top rope, jumped and gets an amazing kick to the jaw from his opponent. I loved seeing Zayn tumble down like a boneless chicken after that.

What determined the ending of the match was a shocking ‘Helluva Kick’ by Zayn to Nakamura’s face for the win. All I screamed was “Why??! God, why?”

Winner: Sami Zayn

New Day vs. Jinder Mahal and Shanky

Woods and Kingston make a point about rematches being quite repetitive and I agree. So, the better option would be to let Shanky dance to trumpet and pop music. Mahal is still behaving like a set of tight asses by canceling Shanky’s happiness by dipping out.

Something I didn’t think would happen happens. The Viking Raiders are back and they are beyond pissed. They attack Shanky and New Day from behind fueled by aggressive disrespect.

Winner: Shanky’s dance skills 

Sonya Deville is back tonight to chat with Adam Pearce. She’s been back for a bit and hasn’t had a qualifying match whilst Raquel Rodriguez and Lacey Evans have gotten theirs, this according to Deville anyway.

She went as far as to say that Pearce’s wrestling career was a failure just to end getting into a handicap battle against Rodriguez and Evans. Deville has said plenty of stupid things to get herself smacked but none as idiotic as this.

Lacey Evans & Raquel Rodriguez vs. Sonya Deville – Handicap match

Deville wanted attention, now she’s got it. She grabs onto Evans’ hair and throws her backwards. As Lacey is sitting there on her knees, Sonya that’s that chance to charge her with a hard kick to the chest for a failed submission due to Rodriguez rushing back in on time.

Lacey wants to tap Raquel but she constantly gets pulled back by Sonya. Both Lacey and Deville double kick each other and fall down in unison. Funny. Ooh, agony.

Lacey reaches Raquel and she tagged in. Rodriguez performs multiple shoulder and arm slams as she powers up like She-Ra.

Raquel gets temporarily distracted by Shayna Baszler, who’s standing on the sidelines with Xia Li. This allows Sonya to right hook her in the face, resulting in an unseen tag to Lacey. Raquel notices, pushes Sonya towards Lacey as she delivers a ‘Women’s Right’ to Sonya’s jaw for the win.


Winners: Lacey Evans & Raquel Rodriguez 

The Street Profits arrive as they make their rounds greeting Drew Gulak and Madcap Moss with jokes. I don’t why one of them tried to make Moss laugh when we all know the man would sooner crack your skull into concrete than do so much as a cackle. I prefer that.

On the other side of things, Natalya comes out impersonating Ronda Rousey, attempting to trick the audience into thinking Rousey is that pathetic to allowing herself to look like a whining cat. Pat McAfee thought that really was Rousey, apparently.

Our Women’s Champion arrives to drive Nattie into the ground by spilling salt and facts. Ronda is the baddest woman on the planet and she dragged Nattie like a corpse. I didn’t want to giggle but I did. Rousey takes notice of the jacket Natalya is wearing and starts yanking it off. Nattie retaliates by using the empty stroller as a shield then pushes Ronda with it for an escape.

I’ve never said that Nattie was pathetic in the past but this was almost desperate. It’s like a body-snatched version of Natalya. She got replaced with God knows what.

Ricochet vs. Gunther (c) – Intercontinental Championship match

Okay, I must say, the way Ludwig Kaiser holds a mic is like holding a glass of wine… and pettiness. I can’t look at him in the way he so clearly wants. With respect.

Oh, by the way, The Undertaker is going to have a One-Man show in Nashville the week of Summerslam weekend. I’m excited for that.

Now, back to it, folks, Ricochet uses his quickness to put Gunther away yet his opponent slams his back harshly against the mat. Kaiser to manhandle Rico by the leg and fully sit on his back. Ricochet is able to grab onto a rope, so he doesn’t tap out.

Gunther was an incredible force during the entirety of the match with multiple chest slaps, punches and the twisting of Ricochet’s body as he finishes with a torpedo-like jump kick to Rico’s chest as he flies backwards into the turnbuckles for the win.

I was surprised at how great Gunther was, honest, I was. Part of me did want Ricochet to regain his title, but “The General” Gunther was too much. Very powerful.

Winner: Gunther (c) 

Paul Heyman has a talk with Kayla Braxton until Sami Zayn interrupts by blaming Braxton for twisting his words earlier about who Zayn will cash in for a match.

Sami still uttered something stupid by saying he would cash in on Brock Lesnar, which made Heyman angry. He didn’t use his words but Heyman not opening his mouth is better for my sanity. Oof, Paul’s face had so much contempt.

Tamina vs. Shotzi – Money in the Bank Qualifying match

Apparently, Aliyah got hurt before her match against Shotzi so Tamina is in it instead. I haven’t seen Tamina in a while so I’m glad she’s back.

Shotzi begins the battle by jumping onto Tamina’s back, yet Tamina looked so bothered as she grabs onto her opponent’s hair and throws her over her shoulder.

Shotzi surprises Tamina with a choke using her legs and the ring ropes as she bends backwards. Shotzi then prepares herself to jump her challenger until Tamina delivers a boot to Shotzi’s face thinking that would put her out. Shotzi manages to use the rope to stop from being pushed out of the game.

Shotzi wins, my God, by letting Tamina drive into the ring post first then plummeting her face to the mat. Finally, girl! Something.

Winner: Shotzi

It would seem that Max Dupri isn’t here to tantalize the juices of our bodies with his Maximum Male Models…who, once again, didn’t show up?! Lord. We have to wait for next Friday for this happen. I wanted this to end already.

Uh, well, Pat McAfee is standing on the table in rage with what happened between him and Happy Corbin last week. Wow. I mean, wow. Was I right? I was right. Corbin is McAfee’s new rival as I said.

Pat issues a match for Summerslam against Corbin to beat his teeth in as well as other muscle he may possess.

Sheamus & Drew McIntyre vs. The Usos – Money in the Bank Qualifying match

This is a first, Shesmus and Drew working together to get qualified. The twins are only here to get in their way.

The Street Profits are here too, to observe not laugh, at the Undisputed twins during their match as Sheamus chest punches Jey ten times.

Sheamus and McIntyre attack each other again outside the ring because Butch’s rabid ass tried to jump in. A momentary lapse.

The twins put Sheamus in trouble as Jey super kicks his opponent’s jaw and leaves Jimmy to battle the rest. Sheamus was getting back in there as good as he could, Jimmy manages to pin him down again in a corner. Jimmy rallies the crowd, runs and butt slams Sheamus in his face. Yikes. Who wants ass on their nose?

Jimmy attempts to rally the audience again, instead he’s met with a knee to the jaw by Sheamus. The Street Profits kept judging in their little corner too but they were right about Jimmy not paying attention.

But there’s no time for that, Drew gets tagged to crack Jey up. He thought he had it figured until Drew found himself shoulder first in the ring post, Sheamus gets super kicked in the face by Jimmy then the twins deliver a double kick to McIntyre as well. Jimmy climbs the top rope and splashes onto Drew. I think the twins would have won if it weren’t for Sheamus’ quick block.

The Street Profits enjoyed that.

Drew McIntyre performs two neck breakers onto both twins and changes up for ‘Claymore Country’ but Jey pulls his brother out. Sami ‘Goddamn’ Zayn shows up out of nowhere like a cockroach to go after McIntyre and meets one of the Street Profits’ shoulders instead. Ha ha!

While the Profits argue with the Undisputed twins, Drew jumps from inside the ring and lands on the Profits and Jimmy, managing to miss Jey.

Jey backs up once Drew caught him and Sheamus places a boot to his face as he turned around. McIntyre brings Jimmy back into the ring for a ‘Claymore Country’ win. You know, after getting super kicked.

Winners: Drew McIntyre & Sheamus

 

TOP PHOTO: Drew McIntyre and Sheamus scowling at each other. Courtesy of WWE