It’s time to get on the bus: the Impact bus, that is. In this bold new era of execs from one promotion interfering in title matches of another, it’s only natural that the Slam Wrestling recap writers would switch shows now too. Who knows what will happen next, but I’m looking forward to filling in for Bob Kapur tonight, especially since it’s been heavily advertised that Kenny Omega will be on hand again.
The problem is that I don’t know who everyone in this world is. For instance, I’m not certain who Kaleb with a K is, but I do know Tenille Dashwood, and she’s headed for the ring for the first match of the night.
Tenille Dashwood vs. Alisha (w/ Eddie Edwards)
I’m getting the impression that Ms. Dashwood is a pretty self-centered sort. The narrative woven by the announcers is that Alisha was naive thinking she and Tenille could be friends. There is at least one person who Dashwood tolerates, though, and Kaleb with a K lends an assist so that his, um, acquaintance can get the victory.
Winner: Tenille Dashwood by pinfall
Who’s taking over the big screen? That’s just Sami Callahan. He proposes that instead of continuing to attack each other from behind, he and Edwards can settle their beef once and for all after the holidays.
The bus is here. Repeat, the bus is here.
The Motor City Machine Guns discuss their three-step plan to get back to the tag team championship, and they’ve already completed the first two steps. Since Gallows is injured, Chris Sabin says he’s going to give Karl Anderson.
Speaking of Anderson, he’s chilling on the bus with Omega and Callis. The AEW champ encourages his longtime buddy to go get Sabin, name dropping NJPW tournaments while he does so.
Anderson goes looking for Sabin, and Rich Swann is more than happy to stir things up between them even more.
Moose is not the Impact world champion even though he claims he is and carries around a belt. Tonight he seems pretty impressed with himself for hurting Willie Mack as a message to Swann. But Mack doesn’t look all that hurt, and he’s mostly upset that a referee told him he could not continue. To keep that power in his own hands, Mack challenges Moose to an I Quit match at Genesis, and even though Moose tries to convince him that’s not a wise move, Mack heads to the ring. Moose ends up stomping some security guards who break up the melee, then uses his backstage interview to diss the “independent wrestlers” who put their hand on him. Wait, security guards at wrestling shows are sometimes indie guys? When did this start? Why wasn’t I informed?
Chris Bey has a proposition for Rohit Raju: Unmask Manik and prove that it’s really TJP. If he does, he’ll just get his X Division Championship back, right? As luck would have it, Bey is on his way to wrestle Manik, so if Raju accompanies him, maybe he’ll get his chance tonight. Got to love that logic.
Tony Khan and Tony Schiavone are back with another low budget-style segment. Khan disputes the idea that Callis taught him a lesson of some sort, and Schiavone takes the opportunity to jab AXS TV before running down tomorrow night’s AEW Dynamite card. Because this a thing that happens now.
Eric Young says he has found his true purpose: He’s going to baptize someone in the holy waters of change, and that someone is Cody Deaner.
Chris Bey (w/ Rohit Raju) vs. Manik
Josh Mathews out here using that logic, pointing out that Manik’s arm tattoos give away his identity as TJP. That would be flawless logic, except … this is wrestling we’re talking about. Manik heads under the ring in the midst of the action, and a confused Raju can’t find him. He sneaks back in from the other side and hits a high cross body, but then all heck breaks loose. Bey hits a mule kick on Manik, Raju enters the ring to try to unmask Manik, but Bey fails to keep the ref distracted long enough and Raju is caught entering the ring. After a brief argument, Raju attacks Bey, getting Manik disqualified. But perhaps that was Bey’s plan all along …
Winner: Chris Bey by disqualification
The internal drama within The North is still in full swing. Ethan Page says “we” will always have Josh Alexander’s back, which leaves him a bit upset. In walks Brian Myers, who boasts of how he once won tag team gold in front of more than 80,000 people. He was once known as Curt Hawkins while wrestling Somewhere Else, so he’s not lying. Alexander tells him he’d rather kick Myers’ ass than
Callis and Omega give another pep talk to Anderson, and the AEW champ is getting agitated with Swann. Let’s put both of those titles up, gentlemen.
Kiera Hogan and Tasha Steelz vs. Taya Valkyrie and Rosemary – Knockouts Tag Team Title Tournament
As Valkyrie and Rosemary are both former Knockouts Champions, they would figure to be the favorites to advance. Madison Rayne isn’t so certain, and she also chides Mathews for stating that this is the more difficult side of the bracket. Deonna Purrazzo and Kimber Lee decide to make things even more interesting, assaulting Rosemary on the stage. Hogan and Steelz take advantage of the distraction to pin Valkyrie and move on.
Winners: Kiera Hogan and Tasha Steelz by pinfall
Young tells Cody Deaner that professional wrestling is sick, and it’s too sick to give back to Cody what he’s given to the business.
Uh-oh, Steelz and Hogan are having a money dispute. That’s broken up many a duo in the past, but when Johnny Swinger annoys them into leaving, he discovers that there actually is a large wad of cash in the gold fanny pack
Josh Alexander vs. Brian Myers
It doesn’t take long for Page to run down to support his partner, but the Most Professional Wrestler, as Myers calls himself, smashes him into the ringpost. As the action goes on, Page emerges as his alter ego, the Karate Man. Madison Rayne is as confused as I am. His karate skills are unloaded on Myers, who apparently doesn’t have to worry about losing over 200 straight matches in Impact.
Winner: Brian Myers by disqualification
Hey Deaner, they weren’t laughing with you, they were laughing at you. Cody, you’ve now been baptized in the holy waters of change, and things should be clearer for you now. Who knew it was that easy?
Tommy Dreamer isn’t hearing any pleas about a set-up, but he does want to know if Rhino and Jake Deaner are scared of Young and Joe Doering. He advises that they go do something about it before their fear grows and becomes worse.
Karl Anderson vs. Chris Sabin (w/ Alex Shelley)
Anderson starts this one out hot, controlling the pace and dictating the action. It’s kind of a shame we go to a mid-match commercial; I’m used to the land of picture in picture. Even though these two veterans are known for their tag team prowess, they certainly can put on great singles bouts as well, and you can’t help but think that Anderson was never given this long a solo match in his entire time with WWE. After some great back and forth scrambles, Anderson rolls up Sabin with a handful of tights to get the victory.
Winner: Karl Anderson by pinfall
Swann bumps into Anderson on the stage, which gets Omega to finally leave the bus. Backstage, the Motor City Machine Guns assault Anderson, who is soon joined by Doc Gallows. Any thoughts Swann has of jumping in are quickly dispelled when Omega jumps him. Gloating, Omega wonders if they should reform the old Bullet Club at Hard to Kill, and Callis likes that idea a lot. So on January 16, it’ll be Omega and the Good Brothers against Swann and the Motor City Machine Guns. Not quite champion vs. champion but we’re getting closer. Good night, bang, and see you in seven!
(Also, don’t miss AEW Dynamite on Wednesday or at least read our report.)
