You may not like moustaches, but eventually they grow on you. Which is a terrible joke, but not as terrible as prostrate cancer. In that spirit, we’d like to remind everyone that we’re in the middle of Movember, the month when men around the world grow moustaches to raise awareness of prostrate cancer, testicular cancer, and other men’s health issues.
We’ve gone through our ’stache of pictures to present to you some of the greatest soup-strainers in wresting history. Maybe you’ll find them fan-tache-tic. Or maybe they’ll make you bristle. Maybe you’ll be tickled. Or maybe you’ll be so offended you’ll want to call the fuzz on us.
Either way, we moustache you to please forgive our terrible puns, and, if you can, make a contribution fur the cause.
10. “Ravishing” Rick Rude
What we’d like right now is for all you fat, ugly, SlamWrestling-reading rejects keep the noise down, and gaze upon the majestic mullet and moustache combo that only a real man can carry off. Heck, even when Rude trimmed them both, he made it work. [Related link: Rick Rude obituary]
9. Magnum TA
When your wrestling name is inspired by your resemblance to Tom Selleck – whose moustache deserves to be in the Moustache Hall of Fame – it doesn’t take a P.I. to figure out that you should be on the list. Sadly, at the height of his career, Magnum TA’s career got cut short. Fortunately, the same cannot be said about his moustache. [Related link: Hometown folks still have Magnum T.A. on the mind]
8. Jake “The Snake” Roberts
Instead of “The Snake,” maybe they should have called Roberts the “Caterpillar,” in tribute to the one that rested on his upper lip for all these years. Even DDT couldn’t kill that beast. Even today, it ranks right up there among the “Elite.” [Related link: Jake “The Snake” Roberts story archive]
7. “Mean” Gene Okerlund and Howard Finkel (tie)
Their voices were legendary – rich, and silky-smooth, just like their moustaches. With more hair on their upper lips than on the tops of their heads, these two Hall of Fame announcers were kind of like twins. Except both of them were Danny DeVito. Great voices, though. [Related links: Mean Gene Okerlund story archive * Howard Finkel obituary]
6. Harley Race
Purists may say that Harley shouldn’t be on the list, and that it was his sideburns that were the real heroes in making him “Handsome.” But consider that without the mutton-chops connected together, he’d look more like Rico Constantino. Harley’s been dead for a year, but we’re still too afraid of his legendary toughness to ever compare him to Rico Constantino. No, his moustache – that later inspired the facial follicular stylings of Triple H and, more recently, Sheamus – is definitely fit for a King. [Related link: Harley Race story archive]
5. Paul Bearer
While many of the others on this list are there because of sheer volume, it’s the well-manicured pencil stylings that put the legendary manager on the list. The stark black colour on his ghostly face really helped sell the creepiness of Bearer’s mortuary character. But we’re more impressed by the clean bisecting gap that separated the moustache into two distinct halves, and let his moustache rest in pieces on his face. [Related link: The fascinating story of Percy Pringle III / Paul Bearer]
4. The Iron Sheik
There’s no bigger cliché than a moustache-twirling villain, and very few were able to personify that as much as the Iron Sheik. With immaculate ends that curled up like the toes on his (allegedly loaded) boots, it’s no wonder he wanted the cameraman to zoom in on it. And if you’re not an intelligent wrestling fan and disagree that his moustache was number vun, then he’ll break your back and make you hum-bel. [Related link: Iron Sheik story archive]
3. Hulk Hogan
There aren’t many moustaches that are recognizable enough to warrant their own T-shirt, but not many of them are as recognizable as Hulk Hogan’s Fu-Manchu. Even when he dyed his beard black, Hogan’s yellow moustache was too powerful to be covered up. It’s a classic, brother. [Related link: Hulk Hogan story archive]
2. Big Bully Busick
Big Bully Busick didn’t have a particularly renowned wrestling career – but, boy, did he have moustache game. His handlebars were the stuff of legend, even if everything else about his career was pretty much a footnote in history. AEW’s Butcher has kind of taken up the mantle from Busick in both respects… bully for him. [Related link: Nick Busick obituary]
1. Ox Baker
Words cannot even do justice to Baker’s moustache, so we’re not even going to try. Just look at the picture and marvel at its epic magnificence. [Related link: Ox Baker obituary]
Other members in the Fuzzy Face Hall of Fame include: Col. DeBeers, The Great Gama, Joey Ryan, Rick Steiner, Dan Severn, B. Brian Blair, Sgt. Slaughter, “Big” Scott Hall, Dutch Mantel, Paul Bearer, The Blackjacks / The New Blackjacks, “Gentleman” Jack Gallgher, Stan Hansen, Raymond Rougeau, Koko B. Ware, “Leaping” Lanny Poffo, Jesse “The Body” Ventura, Ron Simmons, Red Bastien, Silas Young, and Rocky Johnson.
Bob Kapur is growing a moustache for Movember this year. To donate, visit his page at Movember.ca.