Perhaps nothing better sums up the banality of reality TV like a gender reveal party – an insubstantial celebration of nothing of concern to anyone other than those directly involved. No better way to end this season of Total Bellas, which embodies all of that. Check out the recap for all the details.

After learning that Brie is pregnant again, Nikki still can’t shake off the feeling that she needs to take a test as well. And in a first, she actually passes a test – she’s indeed pregnant. She lets Artem know – and what’s with everyone grabbing someone’s used pee-stick? Gross! – and he’s happy with the news. Nikki is a bit overwhelmed, since she just got engaged, and now her life is moving five years ahead of her life-plan.

She goes over to Brie’s place, and lets her know – again, handing over the pee-stick like it’s not covered with dried urine, and I’m ready to puke. Brie, of course, makes this all about her, and accuses Nikki of stealing her thunder by scheming to get pregnant at the same time. She’s also worried that things may be moving too quickly in life for Nikki, who just a week ago wasn’t even sure about wanting to get engaged, much less start a family with Artem.

Nikki and Artem go to the OB/GYN for a checkup – well, just she gets a checkup this time. The doctor confirms the pregnancy, and Artem starts bawling because women get emotional during these things.

The twins announce their pregnancy publicly, and there’s clips of them making the rounds on various TV shows and on the socials.

Then they flash-forward a few months and they’re full-on pregnant. One day out of the blue (because the cameras are on), Brie apologizes for her original doubts as to Nikki’s intentions, blaming it on hormones. They start guessing as to what they’re going to have. Birdie hopes it’s two boys. Artem wants a little girl that he can play dolls and dress-up with so he can relive his youth. Nikki wants to find out as soon as she can, and suggests they do a dual gender-reveal. Bryan is reluctant, because he wants it to be a surprise. For some reason, this leads to a discussion about their father and his Mexican pride, so it seems that he’s going to get crowbarred into this episode.

Nikki has decided to have a Mexican-style gender reveal party, which involves sombreros and pinatas. She tries to convince Brie to make it a dual party, but Brie is reluctant, given Bryan’s objections. During the shopping fiesta, Brie notices that Nikki isn’t wearing her ring. Nikki says it’s at the store being fixed, but Brie notes that it’s been there for over a month. When Nikki says it’s no big deal to not have it, Brie suspects that Nikki is still exhibiting fear of commitment, which the ring represents. And in a talking head segment, Nikki confirms this, which has her feeling sad. Later, Nikki tells Artem about her reluctance to wear a ring, and he’s sad, but thankfully doesn’t ugly-cry again.

Later, Bryan and Artem are hanging out, and talking about the twins’ pregnancy quirks, including their food cravings and their emotional swings. Bryan tells Artem that you just have to put up with it if you want to continue riding the reality show gravy train, and since Artem has no other viable options, he agrees to shut his mouth and keep pretending he loves Nikki until this show finally gets cancelled.

Brie gets an e-mail that includes a link to see the gender of her baby. Like the serpent in Eden, Nikki tries to tempt Brie to touch the button, saying that she’ll have the power of knowledge. They’re about to pull a Baby Groot and hit the button when Bryan walks in and catches them in the act. They tell him what’s up, and he’s not impressed, saying that Brie should get a mind of her own. They have a spat, and Nikki leaves. When she’s gone, Brie admits that she’s unable to reject Nikki’s influences on her. He says she can eat the apple if she wants to, but he asks her that she keep the baby’s gender a secret from him.

That night, the twins go out to dinner with their dad Jonathan, and tell him about the Mexican-influenced gender reveal party that he wasn’t invited to, even though it’s his Mexican roots that prompted the theme in the first place.

They then let him know that they’ve written about him in their book, which was the original reason they reconnected with him earlier in the season, but they never got around to mentioning it. He says that confronting his past mistakes is his way to move forward in life, and he says that they can write about the bad times. But the bad times don’t define him anymore, and he will always be there for them. Good thing Artem wasn’t there for this, or there’d be tears spilling all over the place. Nikki realizes that it was her dad’s bad parenting that made her unable to trust men, which has led to hear fear of commitment. So basically, this show took five seasons to accomplish what one hour-long therapy session would have done.

Nikki and Kathy are out shopping. Just a day or two earlier, Kathy got hit with Bells Palsy, which has frozen half her face and will require rehab, but it’s kind of dismissed. Instead, the scene focuses on the mystery of Nikki’s baby gender, but she’s not going to spill the beans before the party.  Kathy senses a negative vibe from Nikki, and confronts her. Nikki apparently forgot about the last scene, because she’s again talking about her commitment issues because of her deadbeat dad. Kathy tells her to not get wrapped up in the past family disasters, because there are lots more to come.

Brie and Bryan are at the doctor’s office, and, the secret is still safe – apparently, Brie didn’t check the results after all. It’s possible, given the timing, that the twins may deliver their babies on the same day.  More importantly, a question – do people hug their doctors? Because they did, and I think it’s kind of weird.

At home, Nikki gives Artem a gift, but it’s actually her engagement ring, which she’s finally picked up from the repair shop. He’s worried that she means to return it to him, but she really wants him to put it on her finger again, so she can recommit to the relationship fully now that all of her doubts have cleared up thanks to her talks with her mom and dad. Artem is glad because now he doesn’t have to find a real job.

The next day, it’s the gender reveal fiesta, complete with sombreros and a mariachi band, and everyone is wearing cheesy fake mustaches. Nikki breaks a pinata, and the results are in: it’s a boy. The episode – and season – ends with everyone celebrating. Including the audience, who will get a break from this nonsense for a few months. Thanks and gracias for everyone who’s joined me for this awful ride that was season five – see you next time.