This past week, something happened that infuriated some wrestling fans, and merely disappointed others. No, I’m not talking about Otis winning Money in the Bank. Rather, it’s the fact that we had yet another episode of Total Bellas to suffer through. Check out the full recap for all the details.

Artem returns home, and Nikki lets him know that she is going to be taking a pregnancy test, because she’s late. The creep goes into the bathroom with her to watch her pee, which is hella-weird. She gives him the test, and he reads out the results to her, Kathy, and Brie and Bryan who have joined by phone. Negative. Nikki’s relieved, but Artem is disappointed, naturally, because having a kid around would be the perfect beard for him. Nikki and Artem talk about it, but she’s pretty adamant that she doesn’t want to have a kid yet. She and Kathy go to grab some drinks to celebrate, while he stays at home and sulks.

After a workout, Brie shares with Nikki all of the strain her marriage is under because Bryan is away so long. Brie whines about being really busy, so she doesn’t have time to try to please everyone. Brie asks Nikki if Artem is only a rebound relationship, and that’s why Nikki was glad to not be having his kid, but Nikki dismisses that idea.

At home, Bryan is watching videos to learn how to braid Birdie’s hair, and practices on Brie. They try to have a civilized conversation, but the tension between them is obvious. Bryan calls out Brie for trying to steer the discussion towards Nikki, and he’s like, why can’t she just focus on the two of them for once.

Nikki and Artem note that their sex life has suffered since they’ve started living in Brie and Bryan’s house. Yeah, like that’s the reason, and not that Artem isn’t attracted to women. But, whatever. For the camera’s sake, they duck into a bathroom to get it on.

 

Later, they meet up with Brie and Bryan at a restaurant. Artem has to leave the next day to defend some kind of dancing record, which totally sounds like something a straight man would do. It’s suggested that Bryan and Artem spend more time together, but Bryan declines, presumably because he’s weirded out by Artem’s pee-watching fetish.

Nikki tells everyone that the construction on her house is going slower than expected, so she and Artem will have to continue living with them, which nobody’s really thrilled with. And then we get a talking head segment with clean-shaven, short-haired Bryan, which is different than the scenes he’s in, so it’s like that time when Rick Rude appeared on RAW and Nitro on the same night, but not nearly as good, because those shows were watchable. He confesses that he’s not thrilled with the news that their stay will be extended. On the car ride home, he speculates that Brie is fine with the change, as she isn’t interested in being alone with him anymore. They fight about it.

At Artem’s house, Nikki comes up with more suggestions for Artem on how to bond with Bryan, but nothing she comes up with sounds like a good idea.

Later, the twins are prepping for a photo shoot, and Nikki whines about not having a kid. Even though she was originally relieved by the negative test results, she’s now realized that her biological clock is ticking, so she may have lost her chance.

Back at home, Brie goes through her and Bryan’s calendars, and Bryan feels slighted that Brie has prioritized him after a bunch of other business meetings and such.

Later, Brie snaps at Nikki for leaving her suitcase in the hall and eating a package of turkey that she was saving for Birdie. Nikki is casually narcissistic about the whole thing, not cluing in on Brie’s irritation. They start to argue about closet space, and driveway space, and dishes, and soon the two are sniping at each other over a bunch of stuff. Nikki has enough, and says that she will go find a different place for her and Artem to stay instead of Brie’s house.

Later, Brie and Bryan are out shopping, and Brie tells Bryan about the fight. She tells Bryan that Nikki said that Artem feels uncomfortable around Bryan because he keeps refusing Artem’s advances. Actually, she said that Bryan keeps declining to hang out with Artem as friends. Bryan thinks that Brie is only pushing for this because she doesn’t like spending time alone with Bryan. Brie tells him to just try to make an effort to be Artem’s friend.

Nikki picks up Artem from the airport, and he tells her that his trip was a bust – that they didn’t want him to defend his title, only be there as a ceremonial show pony while a bunch of people tried to beat his record. Nikki has arranged a date night for them, because now she’s all about getting pregnant, and she’s hoping he can introduce her to some straight guys.

At dinner, Nikki says that her unflattering hairstyle makes her look like a boy. And he says he likes it. Really, these jokes just kind of write themselves, don’t they? Nikki asks him to take a picture of her with caviar to make Brie jealous. Artem suggests that maybe she should just try to work things out with Brie instead of feuding over social media like two teenage girls, but Nikki’s gonna do what Nikki’s gonna do.

She confesses that she wants to have a kid, and asks him if she wasn’t able to, would he still want to be with her. He says he doesn’t know, since he can’t predict what may or may not happen. That said, he says that family is very important to him. Then, in a completely hilarious moment, the waiter sloshes a glass of wine all over Nikki. That may not have been Emmy material, but I laughed out loud for that one.

Brie and Bryan are at home, and Bryan tells her that he’s planned a getaway for the two of them, and that he’s arranged for Kathy to take care of Birdie for a week. He says this is his way to get them to reconnect with each other. Brie says that they should take the opportunity to be open and honest with each other and clear up any differences they may have.

At the house, Bryan and Artem work together in the garden, and they have some awkward conversation. The two of them bond over how awful the twins are. Nikki shows up and continues sniping at Brie, so the two of them decide to take their argument elsewhere.

Brie tells Nikki that she and Artem are of course welcome to stay there, and she apologizes for the argument. She explains that she lashed out at Nikki because of her frustration with her marital problems. They make up, and all is good again.