The WWE is notorious for pushing style over substance, for having a lot of sizzle but very little steak.
This is how someone like Otis Dozovic from Heavy Machinery, a creepy, freaky mash-up of both Bushwhackers is in the main event match of tonight’s episode of Smackdown.
And the wrestling gods wept.
Before Dolph Ziggler had to once again lock up with the WWE’s version of Jonah Hill as Seth, he shares his thoughts with Sonya Deville backstage.
“I am going to cash in that contract again and I am going to be the champion again. After you are done hurting Mandy, I am going to slide right up to her as the new champion and make her feel better,” he predicted as Deville smiled cruelly beside him.
Ziggler makes a mistake though matching strength with Otis in their Money in the Bank Qualifying Match. Otis brings him crashing down with a stalling suplex.
Otis catches Ziggler catapulting him into the second turnbuckle. Otis goes for the cover again and again. He cannot put Ziggler away though.
Ziggler finally gets a break side-stepping Otis who collides with the steel post. Ziggler shoves Otis into the ringside barrier head-first.
Ziggler rakes Otis’ eyes along the ropes shrugging off a nattering referee. He squeezes the oxygen from Otis’ body with a sleeper hold. Otis begins to fade.
For some odd reason, Otis motions to the crowd, who of course are not there. Weird how some WWE superstars cannot seem to break that habit in the ring.
Otis just drives Ziggler into a corner squashing the life right out of him. Ziggler rolls out of the ring to avoid the Caterpillar. Otis kicks out of the Zig Zag and slams Ziggler after he misses a super kick.
Otis pins Ziggler with the Caterpillar and the wrestling world groans in disbelief.
Smackdown report for 05/01/2020
Daniel Bryan versus King Corbin
Daniel Bryan comes down to the ring to sell us on the Money in the Bank pay-per-view giving an awesome promo with the passion and emotion he is known for.
“Is it true that Vince McMahon has real dinosaur bones in his office? We are going to find out,” he jokes about the pay-per-view taking place at WWE headquarters.
Although he is happy for himself, he is sad that Drew Gulak won’t be competing in the Money in the Bank match. Bryan blames “King Corbin and his cronies”. He calls Corbin out.
“Be careful what you wish for when you call out the king,” says Corbin hitting the entrance way calling himself “King Money in the Bank”.
Bryan mocks Corbin for blowing his last opportunity with the briefcase.
“You blew it. That doesn’t make you a king. That makes you a loser,” laughs Bryan.
Bryan tries to chop Corbin down with some kicks until he is backed into a corner with some punches. “You’ve got no chance!” yells out Corbin. Bryan drop kicks Corbin’s left knee, starts dishing out the punishment to it including a nasty knee bar. Corbin bellows into Bryan’s face as he drills him in the head and face. A right hand by Corbin has Bryan stumbling out of the ring. Corbin smacks Bryan off the steel ring post.
Bryan dives through the ropes sending Corbin into the ringside barricade. Bryan stomps on Corbin’s ankle so viciously that Corbin can barely stand up. Corbin catches Bryan running in Deep Sixing him to the canvass for a two count. “Let’s see how tough you really are!” growls Corbin. Outside the ring, a stumbling and bumbling Corbin throws a ladder at Daniel Bryan. The official calls for the bell.
Corbin brings the ladder into the ring but it is Bryan who puts the Yes! Lock on Corbin while he is on the ladder. Cesaro and Shinsuke Nakamura make the save. Corbin tosses Bryan off the rampway and into a group of ladders.
Winner: Via disqualification, Daniel Bryan.
Match Rating: 7.5 / 10
Strowman cuts a promo in the ring almost devouring the entire microphone as per usual. I am not sure why he has to do this every week. Wyatt heckles Strowman from the FireFly Funhouse. He reads a story called The Black Sheep about reptilians, a shepherd losing his farm and bringing a black sheep to the slaughterhouse after it betrays him. Strowman dares Wyatt to come down to the ring. He has grown weary of Wyatt’s games. Wyatt just waves goodbye to him.
Sheamus versus Leon Ruff
SQUASH! What’s the point of these jobber matches when we already know what a threat Sheamus is and can be? He has been a champion in the WWE many times. Sheamus joins the announce team as they watch the latest chapter in the Jeff Hardy saga. After it is over Michael Cole announces that Jeff Hardy will return next week. Sheamus says he will also be in attendance next week.
Winner: Sheamus.
Match Rating: 2 / 10
Backstage, Otis and Mandy predict they are going to win their respective Money in the Bank matches. Isn’t that putting the cart before the horse, guys?
Carmella Versus Mandy Rose – Money in the Bank Qualifying Match
Sonya Deville appears. She claims she is just there to support Mandy. Deville reminds Mandy that she sacrificed her Money in the Bank spot for her last year. Deville talks over the match distracting Mandy. Mandy challenges Deville to come down to the ring. Carmella clobbers Mandy with a kick for the win. Deville stands at the entrance way with a smile on her face. She charges the ring punching Mandy in the face over and over. “You will never be better than me!” she screams throwing her into the ring steps, the steel post and then giving her a running kick to the back of the head which sends Mandy into the steel stairs again knocking her out. Where is Otis during all of this? Thanks for nothing, big guy.
Otis FINALLY shows up when Mandy is in the medical room being evaluated. Ziggler meets him outside asking if Mandy is okay. Otis just huffs and puffs.
Winner: Carmella.
Match Rating: 5 / 10
The New Day versus The Forgotten Sons
Miz and Morrison join the announce team. Miz says he respects the Forgotten Sons but he doesn’t understand why they didn’t seek him out as a mentor instead of attacking them last week. Morrison: “You know who is not forgotten? The Miz and Morrison.” Big E splashes Cutler on the ring apron almost making him pop like a balloon. Miz calls The New Day “cartoon characters”. The commentary chaos between Cole, Miz, Morrison and Graves goes on and on distracting from the match. Jaxson Ryker throws Big E into the steel post allowing the Forgotten Sons to get the pin.
Winners: The Forgotten Sons.
Match Rating: 6 / 10
Sasha Banks is somehow as tall as Tamina backstage. How is that? Banks whines about how they used to be besties. Bayley attacks from behind. Banks and Bayley beat on Tamina until Lacey Evans shows up to even the odds.
Otis versus Dolph Ziggler – Money in the Bank Qualifying Match
Winner: Otis.
Match Rating: 6 / 10
Episode Rating: 4 / 10
