Total Divas: Maryse tries to make Alexa a fashionista; Lana wrestles as badly as Batista; when it comes to mom skills, Nattie has the least-a

We’re back with SLAM! Wrestling’s continuing (if delayed) coverage of Total Divas. This week, the girls face some harsh truths: Nattie realizes that she’s not mom material; Lana learns that her dream of being a wrestler may never come to pass; while Alexa remembers her health and body image struggles before she hit the big stage. It’s much more serious an episode than normal – but we’re still as snarky as ever. Check out the full recap for all the details.

The episode kicks off with Nattie talking with WWE suit Mark Carrano backstage. She’s nervous about being in the first ever female Money in the Bank ladder match, but he talks her off the ledge. Nattie says it’s hard for a Neidhart to breathe, and after last week’s episode, watching Jim “the Anvil” wheeze his way up a ladder, truer words were never spoken. But she decides to woman up and if she falls off a ladder, then so be it.

Brie’s at home watching the match with baby Birdie, while Lana and Naomi are in the back, getting ready for their title match later that night. Carmella wins the match, and then also gets her first vignette on this show as the newest cast member. She mentions that her dad was a WWE wrestler (enhancement talent Paul Vandello), but who knew?

Nattie gives Lana a pep talk before her match – her singles debut – but it’s kind of unnecessary, as Lana does a good job. Renee gives her props after the match, and overall feedback from the others is that she has some room to grow, but overall didn’t embarrass herself.

Later that week, Carmella, Nattie, and Naomi are out for brunch. Carmella’s happy that her boyfriend Big Cass is now getting a singles push, having split with Enzo Amore the night before. Brie and Birdie call them and she invites Nattie and Naomi to stay at her place since they’re going into Phoenix later that week. Nattie hates babies, but she says she’ll try to live through the visit.

At the gym, Lana and Nia are working out. Lana’s motivated to improve all aspects of her game, including her strength. Lana is bummed out because the social media trolls are blasting her in-ring performance, telling her she sucks and should never wrestle. Hey, everybody, can we all just agree to keep that kind of vitriol for the Bellas, who totally deserve it? And when they agree to fully retire, or WWE agrees to never let them in the ring again, then we can move on to someone else? Thanks.

Nia apparently is one of those haters, but couches it a bit, saying Lana is so recognizable, she doesn’t even need to wrestle. But that upsets Lana even more, saying that’s what WWE is all about.

Maryse is doing a photo shoot at home so, yay. She’s invited Alexa over because they’ll be traveling to Japan together. Maryse says that when they go to Japan, she’s going to take Alexa shopping, to update her off-screen look. Maryse says Alexa needs to elevate her fashion game. Miz takes his shirt off, and somehow this seems completely backwards to me.

At dinner, Lana tells Rusev about all of her frustrations with Nia and with the social media feedback. He’s more upset that she isn’t wearing her wedding ring, which she forgot in their hotel room.

Backstage, Alexa and Maryse meet up, and Maryse gives her a face-mask for their upcoming flight. Then makes fun of her outfit. Alexa asks Mark Carrano whether there are any concerns about her look. Carrano says that she could do with some upgrades to her look – as the champion, she should exude a certain amount of star presence, and her wardrobe choices don’t do that, while Maryse’s does.

Naomi and Nattie show up at Brie’s so that they can take care of Birdie and give Brie and Bryan some time alone. Brie goes through the instructions on how to feed and clean the baby, and while Naomi seems to get the handle of things, Nattie seems overwhelmed. Apparently, Birdie spews liquids like a fire hose from every orifice, so that’s pretty gross. Brie and Bryan are excited to be out, but there’s also some trepidation about leaving their child with a couple of amateur nannies.

The soundtrack goes J-Pop as Maryse and Alexa hit the Tokyo streets, with Nia in tow. Alexa doesn’t like jeans, but loves yoga pants. And that’s why we love Alexa. They hit a fashion store, and Maryse fawns over a few outfits for Alexa, but Nia hates the look. Nia can tell Alexa is uncomfortable, and says that Alexa shouldn’t feel pressure to change. Alexa has struggled with image issues, including an eating disorder, and Nia’s afraid that all this may be a bad experience for her.

Brie and Bryan enjoy dinner out, after not having gone out for months. Naomi is doting over the baby, while Nattie is outside trying to take selfies with dogs. Naomi asks Nattie to take over baby watch duty for a bit, but Nattie’s clueless as to what to do. Brie returns to find Birdie in good hands – i.e. Naomi’s – with Nattie trying to take credit as the queen of all babysitters, much to the irritation of Naomi. On the way home, Naomi calls Nattie out on how lame a babysitter she was, to which Nattie has no defense.

In the gym, Nikki teaches Lana how to lift weights, and then gives her some advice about not caring what the haters think. She should know.

Alexa and Lillian Garcia are doing a podcast in Japan, which Alexa is thrilled about, since it will let her fans get to know her as a person as opposed to a character. Alexa reveals the challenges she had trying to fit in to her new career. She talks about her battle with anorexia, and things get a bit heavy, with her breaking down about the memories. She’s fought back, though, and now she accepts that she’s stronger for having survived it. Later, she thanks Maryse for taking her out shopping, but tells her that she doesn’t want to change her wardrobe since she’s comfortable with herself, bad clothes and all. Maryse gets it, and basically says, hey, you be you.

Nattie and Naomi are back at Brie’s for babysitting duty, but when Brie gives them some new instructions, Nattie feels overwhelmed by the thought of being responsible for the life of a baby. She realizes that she’s not cut out for motherhood, despite her nurturing nature towards animals and the younger roster members. Naomi thinks about it and she realizes that she’s not ready to be a mom yet. An understanding Brie suggests they all just stay in and watch Birdie together over some pizza.

At TV, Lana has her second singles match, a rematch for the title against Naomi. Again, she doesn’t embarrass herself. She knows that she has a way to go, but is sure that she’ll put in whatever it takes to succeed. That is, if she gets the chance. Because after her match, Mark Carrano calls her aside to talk about her career. He tells her that she won’t be continuing her storyline, and that she’s not going to be wrestling anymore. He tells her she’s not even going to be sent down to the training centre either. Basically, her in-ring career is done. She’s devastated by the news. She calls Nikki, who agrees that it’s not fair. Nikki tells her to not give up, that plans change all the time, and that she’s going to get back in the ring some day. Sadly, so will Nikki.

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