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Total Divas: Cena’s nose gives Nikki scares; Alicia and Paige hang with blue-hairs; Rosa’s boyfriend says no prayers‏

This week, the Divas face some of their biggest fears. Alicia fears that hanging out with the younger Paige will have negative career repercussions. Nikki fears being alone, despite being a twin. And Rosa fears that her mom and God will come between her and her man. Check out the full recap for all the details!

Over breakfast, Nikki plans her trip to Phoenix, and assumes she’ll stay at Brie’s place. But Brie puts the kybosh on those plans, because even she can’t stand her sister.

Backstage, a visibly-pregnant Rosa drops by to visit and give us the major plot point for this week’s episode. She’s going to introduce her mother to Bobby, her sketchy-looking tatted-up boyfriend and baby-daddy. Problem is that Rosa hasn’t yet told her ultra-religious mom that Bobby’s an atheist.

Paige gets word from a reported friend that there’s a viral online video of her and Alicia getting into a fight with some creeper girl at a bar. She gives Alicia the heads-up about it, and as they’re trying to figure out what to do, WWE suit Mark Carrano comes up and summons them into his office.

The girls watch John Cena’s match against Seth Rollins where Cena’s nose gets destroyed. Yeesh.

Later, Alicia tells Rosa about what happened in Carrano’s office. She says that he was in there doing “damage control”. Alicia is still uncomfortable about what happened, and is considering a change in lifestyle to avoid this kind of thing happening again.

Nattie drops by Nikki’s place to check up on Cena’s condition and comfort Nikki who’s shaken up by the injury to her man. Nattie “nose” what she’s going through, having seen TJ put on the shelf.

After a show, Paige, Alicia, Rosa, and Mandy are traveling together, and Alicia informs the rest of her plans to change her lifestyle, and slow things down now that she’s turning 30. Paige, on the other hand, tries to coax her into going to a club. She makes Paige promise that they’ll stay out of trouble.

At a red carpet event, everyone’s asking Nikki about Cena’s nose and about the Divas Revolution, both of which are busted up and broken.

The next day, Bobby and Rosa are gushing all over each other and their unborn kid. In addition to the whole atheism issue, Rosa’s also concerned that she’s going to meet Bobby’s dad for the first time, and she’ll make a bad impression because she doesn’t know how to cook. What she should do is use the old sitcom trope and order food in and pretend that she cooked it. While grocery shopping, she asks Bobby if he’ll fake being religious so as to not put off Rosa’s mom, but he flat-out refuses. They argue, and it gets even more heated when he says he’ll never allow Rosa to get their future daughter baptized.

Alicia and Paige are in Orlando looking for a furniture store, but abandon their quest to get some breakfast. Old habits die hard, though, and Paige orders some mimosas. Alicia doesn’t want any, saying they need to be sober to pick out furniture, but ultimately caves. Then Paige suggests they forget furniture shopping altogether and instead go play “dirty bingo”, which just the term “dirty bingo” is better creative than anything the WWE writers have come up with in terms of the Divas Revolution.

Rosa suggests that she and Bobby baby-proof their home, despite the fact that their kid is at least 5-months away, because that will somehow impress upon Bobby’s dad that she’s a careful mother. He rightfully points out this will only impress upon him that she’s certifiably insane. The door rings and Holy Three’s Company, she’s ordered food and is going to pretend she cooked it like I sarcastically suggested above. God, this show is bad.

Paige and Alicia hit the bingo parlour and it’s full of geriatrics. They’ve obviously gone to the wrong place because there’s nothing dirty about this bingo place except… nah, I’m not going to make a tasteless joke about old people here, so let’s move on. Paige is having a blast interacting with the fellow players, but Alicia is a bit frustrated that her furniture shopping plans have been put asunder because of Paige’s inability to not chase a whim.

The Bellas check in to their hotel, and Brie demands they stay in separate rooms, despite Nikki’s protestations since she doesn’t like being alone.

Rosa’s mother arrives, and so does Bobby’s dad, and immediately everyone is getting along well. Until Rosa’s mom asks Bobby to say grace before eating – cue the dramatic music (not just saying, they actually played it). He comes clean about his atheism, and Rosa’s mom looks at him like he just said that her grand-daughter is going to be born with a lizard tongue like that baby on V. Rosa leads the rest of them in prayer.

Paige and Alicia hit a club, where she wants to relax a bit, but Paige wants to get crazy. As Paige hits the bars with a bunch of losers, Alicia leaves.

At dinner, Rosa’s mom starts lecturing Bobby about the need to have religion and to baptize the baby, which starts a debate with the God-less heathen. Rosa tries to play peacekeeper, but Bobby seems like he’s had enough, walking out and leaving the house. Rosa gets him to come back, and tells everyone to chill out and pause the debate. But inside she’s totally upset, knowing that this is a major issue for both her mom and Bobby. Bobby’s dad tries to reassure her that things will all work out in the end.

Nikki breaks into Brie’s room, but Brie kicks her out. Nikki says she’s too scared to stay alone, but Brie tells her to grow up and go away.

Later that night, Paige returns home from the club and tries to reconcile with Alicia. Alicia says she is really trying to change her lifestyle as she wants to grow up and act her age already. At the same time, she doesn’t want their friendship to be affected. Paige says she feels bad about their rift, and apologizes for her behaviour. The two besties make up and hug it out.

Nikki calls Nattie to see if she can share her hotel room because she doesn’t want to be alone. Nattie invites her in, which renders her powerless. Nattie asks Nikki why being alone scares her so much, but Nikki doesn’t really have an explanation. She says she has nightmares and fears death. The two amateur psychologists theorize that Cena’s injury has stirred up feelings about her dead grandfather, the other strong man in her life. Either that, or she is afraid of being haunted by the ghost of her dead grandfather. To be honest, I kind of tuned out because go see a shrink already.

The next morning, to make up for making her miss the furniture store, Paige takes Alicia to a taxidermy store, because apparently Alicia loves stuffed dead things. Anyone else have an Al Wilson joke?

Backstage, Mr. Belding is hanging around and what is going on here? Nattie tells Brie about Nikki’s nightmares, but Brie is kind of unsympathetic at first. But after Nattie saying there may be some legitimate deeper issues, Brie takes it to heart.

Later, Brie invites Nikki over to her house to talk. Brie questions her about her nightmares and her fears to try to find the root cause. Nikki explains the grandfather theory which is a revelation for Brie. Brie expresses her regret for always kicking Nikki out of her room, and says that anytime Nikki wants to share a room, that’s fine.

Bob Kapur has had a long week. E-mail him some headache remedies at bobkapur@hotmail.com.

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