Do you need to say “Spoiler Alert” when every episode of a weekly TV show follows the same formula? Because the typical Total Divas episode can be summed up as follows: at least one of the couples on the show have a contrived fight – usually about something stupid – and by the end of the episode, make up, thanks to the sage-like comments of a third party. Meanwhile, at least one other Diva says something catty (usually towards Eva Marie). And Vincent sucks. Does that hold true for tonight’s episode? Spoiler Alert: Yes, Yes, and Yes. Check out the full recap for the details!
The episode kicks off backstage where Trinity is telling Sandra the seamstress that she’s worried about having a wardrobe malfunction. She jumps up and down repeatedly, and then Ariane comes in to talk about their respective boobies and booties. Sandra’s a great character, so was neat to see her back – but otherwise that segment was pretty pointless.
Brie says that she misses teaming with Nikki due to her sister’s injury. Nikki, on the other hand, is content to heal and simply hang out with Cena, who’s also on the shelf. Nikki doesn’t quite feel at home, though, because Cena’s place – now their place, doesn’t have a lot of homey touches in it.
Ariane is working on her new song, which according to the producers, and her oafish boyfriend Vincent is in the studio, it’s “da bomb”. After the recording session, Ariane and Vincent start play-wrestling in front of the producers for no reason other than to drive this week’s plot. Evidenced by their conversation in the car, where Ariane pushes him to try out for NXT. She basically forces him to agree to try out, and says she’ll get him an audition.
Meanwhile, in Trinity and Jimmy Uso;s car, Trinity’s dad calls her and lets her know he’s going to be in town. He invites himself over to stay, and she agrees, but Jimmy doesn’t seem too keen on the idea.
At lunch, Cena expresses his frustration about not being at work. Nikki tries to cheer him up by talking about decorating the house, but he’s not pleased with the idea.
Ariane and Vincent are in the park, and she beats him in a foot race. Then she gets a call from Bill DeMott who’s agreed to give Vinnie a tryout. Ariane is thrilled, but Vincent seems hesitant. Or maybe he’s too stupid to know what’s going on.
Trinity and Jimmy’s romantic evening gets interrupted when Trinity’s dad Shawn shows up. They start talking while Jimmy feels like a third wheel sitting on the edge of the couch.
Look, here are some blatant shots of Nikki from behind in yoga pants. While many men would be thrilled, Cena’s more interested in making sure she uses the right clothes hamper. Between that, his aversion to candles and personal photos, and a chess board in every room, Nikki thinks Cena may be OCD. I don’t know, watching Cena play chess might actually be pretty neat.
Ariane and Vincent head to the Performance Centre. Bill puts him through the paces, putting him through drills. After four minutes in the ring, Vinnie’s gassed out, and Bill is disgusted. He should be more disgusted by Vinnie’s pink suitcase. After the workout, Vinnie loses his lunch in the flower bed. Oh my God, he’s gonna puke! Droz rules.
The next day, Vincent’s wearing his war wounds in the form of a back full of bruises. He tells Ariane that he may not be up for a second day of training, and that pursuing a wrestling career may not be for him.
Nikki isn’t done complaining about Cena, telling Brie all about his house. She had to buy solid food – apparently, all he has in his place is booze.
Shawn and Trinity are having a late night talk about family stuff, waking up Jimmy who’s been relegated to the floor. He looks unimpressed by Shawn’s sandwich making skills, though Trinity is marking out over a Dagwood.
Vinnie goes back for more punishment, and while doing rope-running drills, it’s like he’s running underwater. Bill kicks him out of the ring, and sends Ariane out to give him a pep talk. The next exercise is back bumps, but after the first one, Vinnie seems ready to quit. Time for a teaching moment by Bill. He tells Vinnie that he’s not ready and that this isn’t the place for him. #RealTalk. Outside, Vinnie tells Ariane that he feels embarassed, and lets her know he felt like she pressured him into trying out in the first place. She apologizes and they hug it out.
Nattie is excited about her new WWE promo photos. Meanwhile, Eva Marie is hanging out with Sandra, when WWE Executive Mark comes grab her so she can be scanned for her first WWE action figure. Nattie sees Eva Marie getting scanned, and she’s jealous/ticked, because who the hell is Eva Marie?
Meanwhile, Jimmy and Trinity are talking before his match. She says she’ll call her dad to have him make them a meal for after the show, and Jimmy flips out. He tells her that he’s tired of her dad living with them, making “sammiches” and what not. He says he wants to just hang out with her naked, and he can’t do that when her dad is around. #ColdShower.
Ariane takes Vinnie out for a fancy dinner to apologize for pushing him into training. His goal is to open up a hookah bar (of course it is, what a douche), and he tells her he’s got something in the works to make that a reality. They kiss, and he ends up with a mouth covered in lipstick.
Cena comes home and gets weirded out by Nikki who’s made dinner. He obsesses over her actually cooking, since apparently his kitchen is just for show in his mind. He’s too worried about the marble countertops getting stained, and his floor warping from spilled water, and her not washing dishes immediately after dinner, to enjoy and thank her for the meal. She says she feels like an unwelcome guest in her own (but really his) house.
Cena goes to visit his buddy Rob – and, yes, they’re playing chess! He tells Rob about the issues he’s having with Nikki. Rob doles out some #RealTalk and tells Cena essentially that he’s being an ingrate, and then wins the game. Cena’s eyes are opened.
Nattie goes out with Trinity and Jimmy to see Shawn’s band plays. Nattie sees both sides of their argument. During an intermission, Shawn and Trinity make plans to go to an after-party, but Jimmy says he just wants to go home and sleep. Later, Shawn brings the after party to their place. Jimmy with the line of the show – a disgusted “what the f*** is going on?”. Shawn is whooping it up with the guests, but in a sidebar discussion, Jimmy tells Trinity that he has to get up early in the morning, and wants her to shut the party down. She’s not down with that, saying that she doesn’t get many chances to see her dad, she says, and she’s not going to stop the fun train now. Jimmy says it’s either him or her father, but she won’t kick out her father. Jimmy leaves.
Later, Cena surprises Nikki with a counter full of candles and flowers and photos. He tells her that she was right all along, and that this is her home too, and because he loves her, he will change his habits. #Whipped.
The next day, Shawn can sense Trinity and Jimmy are having problems. He asks Trinity what’s up, and she tells him that they’re fighting over him being in their house. Shawn understands, and though he is sad about being bumped as the number one man in his daughter’s life, he knows that he’s got to go. Trinity and Shawn hug to end the show.
For those who are keeping track, Sandra, Rob, Shawn, and Bill DeMott all had more screen time this week than JoJo.
Bob Kapur has never worn yoga pants. Disappointed? Let him know at bobkapur@hotmail.com.