Lockdown is supposed to be TNA’s second biggest show of the year. Instead, in front of a mostly dead crowd in Cincinnati, TNA delivered a complete dud. The show featured as many instances of bare rear-ends as it did tolerable matches (two) and continued a streak of disappointing TNA pay-per-view efforts.

As has been the case in four out of seven Lockdown pay-per-views, Lethal Lockdown headlined the show featuring the rivalry between Fortune and Immortal.

Kazarian and Abyss open the match in a three-minute segment. Kazarian takes some punishment but hits a head scissors off the top rope with 60 seconds left on the clock. He pushes Abyss into the cage and then drop kicks him in the back into the cage. Kazarian pushing Abyss’s head against the cage as time expires and Matt Hardy enters the cage. Two minute man advantage now for Immortal.

Hardy locks in the Ice Pick as Abyss puts the boots to Kazarian. Hardy lets him out and the 2-on-1 beatdown commences until Daniels enters the cage to absolutely zero reaction. He’s rolling, though. BME for Abyss. He drops Hardy with a knee. Now Daniels and Kazarian double teaming Abyss. Crowd now chanting “We want Flair.” Daniels locks in a submission as Flair enters the cage. He lights Kazarian up with a chop and breaks up Daniels’ submission and lights him up.

The 3-on-2 edge working in favor of Immortal right now. Flair pulling out all the tricks on Kazarian while Hardy works over Daniels. James Storm takes a sip of beer, comes in, spits it in Abyss’s face and hits the Codebreaker. Backstabber for Hardy. Storm takes a long drink of beer as Flair begs off. Storm flips him the bird and breaks the bottle over his head. Flair, as you might’ve guessed, is bleeding. Storm grates Flair’s face in the cage. Fortune is rolling now. Flair’s pants are ripped and his tank top is off. Now Flair’s rear-end is hanging out. The buzzer can’t come soon enough and Bully Ray is in, rounding out Immortal.

Hardy lands three straight leg drops on Daniels as Flair pulls his pants back up. Kazarian takes a chop from Flair. Robert Roode is pacing outside the ring, ready to enter. Hardy slingshots Kazarian into the middle rope. Flair with closed fists to Storm. Crowd counting it down now. They want Roode in. Here he comes.

Roode is on fire, hitting a jumping neckbreaker on AByss. Flair with chops on Roode but he gets reversed and Roode lays about five chops into him and follows it up the backdrop. Beer Money with a double suplex on Bully Ray and the cage top finally starts to lower.

Now the weapons are in play and we’ve gone to an unnecessary split-screen. Abyss gets knocked right through the cage door and to the floor. Daniels goes after him with a trash can lid. Now Hardy is climbing to the top and Daniels follows him up there. We hear Flair screaming in the ring but don’t see what’s happening. Daniels goes for Angel’s Wings but Hardy nearly backdrops him off the top of the cage. Daniels recovers from hanging on the side of the cage and comes back up only to take the Twist of Hate.

Flair is bleeding profusely. Storm charges him but Flair has a Kendo stick and hits him with it. Flair, though, turns around into a Double R spinebuster. Now Daniels is back to his feet and comes off the top of the cage with a crossbody onto Abyss and Hardy on the walkway. Wow!

In the ring, Bully Ray going to work with a Kendo stick on all of Fortune. Daniels takes a shot right to the head and is bleeding. Bully Ray is badmouthing Daniels about what he did to AJ Styles when Styles’ music hits and he hits the ring, sending Ray into the cage. Pele for Ray. Flair comes up and tries to attack Styles from behind, but he’s cut off by Roode, who applies a Fujiwara armbar and Flair has to tap.

All five members of Fortune celebrate in the ring with Styles letting Bully Ray have it one more time with a trash can as we go off the air.

TNA’s next pay-per-view is Sacrifice on May 15.

Tonight’s show emanates from US Bank Arena in Cincinnati, Ohio. Mike Tenay and Taz are your hosts and all of tonight’s matches are contested inside a steel cage.

Match #1 – X-Division Escape Match – Chris Sabin (Detroit, Mich.) vs. Robbie E. (Seaside Heights, NJ) vs. Jeremy Buck (Los Angeles, Calif.) vs. Max Buck (Los Angeles, Calif.) vs. Amazing Red (Brooklyn, NY) vs. Jay Lethal (Elizabeth, NJ) vs. Brian Kendrick (Venice, Calif.) vs. Suicide (Parts Unknown)

In this match, it’s pin or submission until the final two where it’s escape the cage.

Max Buck wants no part of Jeremy Buck early on and tags out. Jeremy brings in Suicide and shortly after, he is pinned by Robbie E.

Suicide eliminated

Sabin and Lethal team up and send Robbie E flying into the cage, although his hair might’ve taken the brunt of it. This match is just chaos despite being tag rules. Then Red eliminates Lethal with a spinning sunset flip.

Lethal eliminated

Sabin in and he grabs Red and drops him hard. Then he follows up with a big clothesline that turns Red inside out and pins him.

Red eliminated

Max eliminates Sabin with a Sliced Bread No. 2.

Sabin eliminated

Now it’s Kendrick and Robbie E in there. Kendrick crunches Robbie against the cage. Max goes for a moonsault on Kendrick but Kendrick gets the knees up. Now Jeremy comes in and starts teeing off on Max. He throws Max side to side and then knocks him upside the head with a kick. Jeremy has to be pulled off his brother by Brian Hebner but is then rolled up and pinned by Max.

Jeremy Buck eliminated

Robbie and Max double team Kendrick and throw him into the cage but Kendrick gets going and starts going to town on both Buck and Robbie. Kendrick hits a kick on Robbie and pins him.

Robbie E. eliminated

So it’s down to Max Buck and Kendrick and you have to escape the cage to win. It’s all Buck here. Kendrick gets going and tries to climb but Buck pushes Hebner into the cage, dropping Kendrick to the mat. Buck quickly climbs the cage and escapes to become the X-Division’s No. 1 contender.

Winner via escape: Max Buck

Match Rating: 5/10

Eric Bischoff addresses the crowd.

Eric Bischoff’s music hits and he makes his way to the ring. He says literally nothing of importance. He finally says tonight is a special occasion because Immortal is going to take care of the distraction Fortune has become. The crowd chants “We want wrestling.” He talks about wanting to bring the TNA title back to Immortal. This was completely and utterly pointless. I would expect something like this on Impact, but just horrendous for a pay-per-view.

Match #2 – Ink Inc. vs. The British Invasion vs. Eric Young & Orlando Jordan vs. Scott Steiner & Crimson

We get some Eric Young “comedy” to start. British Invasion double team Jesse Neal and Douglas Williams gets a two count. Back to double team and he and Magnus are rolling. Shannon Moore has to break up the pin. Crowd chanting “We want Steiner.” Hearing this, Williams goes over and does his taunt in Steiner’s direction.

Crimson in now and the crowd chants “Steiner!” Crimson with some big knees on Magnus but Williams breaks up the pin. Both men down and Magnus gets Williams as Crimson tags in Steiner. Biggest crowd reaction of the night for Steiner’s tag-in. Steinerline followed up the elbow and pushups. He sends both Williams and Magnus into orbit with backdrops. Steiner going to town but he is getting annoyed by Moore, who keeps interfering.

Moore and Williams in now. Moonsault for Moore by Jordan breaks up the pin and hits him with the Gender Bender but turns right into a spear from Neal. Crimson comes in from behind and hits his finish. Sitout slam for Magnus but Steiner comes from behind and throws him. Young goes to the top and hits Steiner with a missile dropkick. Young climbs the cage and is scaling the outside of the cage but that’s not the rules. Inside the ring, Moore hits Williams with the Mooregasm and gets the pin.

Winners via pinfall: Ink Inc.

Match Rating: 5/10

Christy Hemme is backstage with Madison Rayne and Tara. Rayne tells Tara she doesn’t need her out there with her tonight. Tara sarcastically tells her good luck.

Match #3 – Hair vs. Title Match for the TNA Knockouts Championship – (c) Madison Rayne (Seattle, Wash.) vs. Mickie James (Richmond, Va.)

Mickie sends Madison into the cage three times to start the match and then DDTs her and that’s it. A minute, if that.

Winner via pinfall and NEW TNA Knockouts Champion: Mickie James

Match Rating: NR

Samoa Joe readies to knock The Pope down.

Match #4 – The Pope (Harlem, NY) vs. Samoa Joe (Isle of Samoa)

Joe gets going early. Flying butt in the corner followed by a head kick. Pope, though, grabs Joe’s trunks and pulls him into the middle turnbuckle. Pope goes to climb the cage but Joe follows him, punches him and Pope staggers and crotches himself.

Joe with kicks and punches in the middle of the ring but Pope drops down for an uppercut and takes over. Pope backhand slaps Joe twice. Now the two are exchanging slaps. Joe with an inverted atomic drop and a back splash for two. Joe with a leg lariat off the second rope for two. Joe sets Pope up for the Muscle Buster and hits it. The cover. 1-2-foot on the rope. Pope survives.

Pope trying to climb the cage and Joe grabs him by the trunks and exposes his rear-end. The director chooses the angle that zooms right in on it. Unbelievable. Pope drops Joe from the top and hits an elbow and then the knees for two. Joe crawls to the corner and Pope lines him up for the DDE but Joe catches him in mid-air and puts him back-first into the cage, picks him up and hits another Muscle Buster. Instead of going for the cover, he locks in the Coquina Clutch and Pope taps.

Winner via submission: Samoa Joe

Match Rating: 4/10

Matt Morgan atop the cage.

Match #5 – Hernandez (Houston, Texas) vs. Matt Morgan (Fairfield, Conn.)

Morgan with the rapid-fire elbows early on. Avalanche and a side slam for two for Morgan. Morgan goes to the top but Anarquia grabs Morgan’s leg through the camera hole and holds him as Hernandez goes flying in and squashes him. Hernandez grates Morgan’s face on the cage. Nerve hold for Hernandez and then he hits a clothesline and whistles.

Hernandez continuing to work Morgan over. Morgan face-down in the centre of the ring. Morgan slowly works to his feet as Hernandez continues to gloat and Morgan hits him with a clothesline. Both men down in opposite corners. They stand and Morgan starts to fire up. Clotheslines for Morgan and now he sends Hernandez flying into the cage. Now again. Back suplex connects for two for Morgan. Morgan sends Hernandez off the ropes and misses a clothesline. Hernandez comes back with a spear-like maneuver. They stand back up and Morgan side-steps Hernandez and Hernandez goes flying into the cage.

Rosita and Sarita start to climb the cage to take the referee as Anarquia goes to hit Morgan, but Morgan knocks him off the cage. Hernandez to the top and he comes jumping off right into a Carbon Footprint. Good night.

Winner via pinfall: Matt Morgan

Match Rating: 4/10

Sarita and Rosita complain.

With everyone gone, Sarita and Rosita enter the ring and Sarita starts complaining. She says she’s not the Knockouts Champion because the fans can’t stand the fact she is better than them. This despite her and Rosita being the Knockouts Tag Team Champions. The complaining continues until Velvet Sky comes down. Rosita charges and takes a drop-toe hold. Thesz Press for Sarita and the Knockouts Tag Team Champions are running.

Match #6 – Ultra Male Rules – Jeff Jarrett (Hendersonville, Tenn.) vs. Kurt Angle (Pittsburgh, Pa.)

Ultra Male Rules, for those of you scoring at home, are this: It’s best 2-of-3 falls with the first fall being submission, the second being pinfall and the third being escape the cage (if necessary, of course).

Brian Hebner immediately boots Karen Jarrett from the ringside area.

Jarrett locks in the Figure Four nearly right off the bat and Hebner is counting Angle’s shoulders down for a pin. Not just once, but multiple times. If you remember from two paragraphs above, THIS IS A SUBMISSION-ONLY FALL. I cannot make this up. Only in TNA. They trade submissions back-and-forth with Jarrett working on the shoulder. Jarrett has an armbar locked in but Angle deftly turns it into the ankle lock, grapevines the leg and Jarrett taps.

Angle leads 1-0

Jeff Jarrett cowers from Kurt Angle’s assault.

Now we’re into the pinfall-only fall. We’ll see if the referee asks either wrestler if they want to submit. Jarrett with The Stroke for two. Jarrett to the top and he hits a crossbody which Angle rolls through for two. Both men down and now Hebner is counting both men down in a pinfall-only fall. This is just tremendous. Angle with the triple Germans. Angle sends Jarrett into the cage and catches him on the rebound with the Angle Slam but Jarrett kicks out at two. Angle hits throw off the top rope and Jarrett lands weird. Then in the comedy of comedy, Angle hits an RKO on Jarrett and pulls down the straps. He goes for an Angle Slam but Jarrett slips out and rolls Angle up, grabbing the trunks. Nobody has any idea if he actually got the pin or not until after about 20 seconds, Jeremy Borash announces the third fall is escape the cape. This is the gong show to end all gong shows.

Match tied 1-1

Jarrett goes to escape but Angle comes back and hits five straight Germans. Angle goes to leave the cage. He has a foot on the step with Jarrett nowhere in sight but he decides to go back in. Well, wait. He’s more than halfway down the steps now and goes back in, locks the door and puts the key down his trunks.

Angle runs Jarrett into the cage, busting him open, the first blood on this pay-per-view and we’re nearly two hours in. Jarrett goes to run up the cage but Angle follows. Angle ends up in the power bomb position and they messed this up real, real bad. Angle almost died here. Jarrett goes to climb the cage in the corner but Angle charges and hits the Angle Slam off the top rope. Angle plays with the door, looking like he wants to escape that way, apparently forgetting the key was in his trunks. He goes to the other side to climb but Gunner runs out with a chair and keeps Angle at bay. Instead, Angle heads over to the corner and comes off the top of the cage with a moonsault. They are down forever and Angle remembers he has the key. He unlocks the cage door and opens it up when Karen comes running down and sprays something in his eyes. At this point, my cable fritzed. It came back a minute later with Jarrett on the arena floor being tended to by Karen.

Winner: Jeff Jarrett

Match Rating: 6/10

They tried real, real hard in the third fall, but this was the worst of TNA here. Angle nearly got killed twice on a show nobody is watching and there were a billion run-ins in a steel cage match. Plus the general stupidity of the referee counting pins in a submission fall and then counting both men down in a pinfall-only fall. Seeing Angle continually try very scary things is starting to detract from his matches for me. The power bomb spot was very, very scary.

Match #7 – TNA World Heavyweight Championship – (c) Sting (Venice Beach, Calif.) vs. Rob Van Dam (Battle Creek, Mich.) vs. Mr. Anderson (Green Bay, Wisc.)

Sting hits a Stinger Splash on Anderson early and goes for the Scorpion Death Lock but RVD kicks him. Standing moonsault connects for RVD. Anderson trips RVD but finds himself in position for the Death Lock. RVD comes over but Sting subdues him and locks both men in the Death Lock at the same time. RVD crawls and make it to the bottom rope. A rope break. In a cage match. Sigh.

Anderson goes for the Mic Check on RVD but Sting comes over and Anderson catches him in position and hits both with the Mic Check at the same time. Goes for the cover on Sting and gets a two.

Now RVD goes to the top and hits the Five-Star Frog Splash on Anderson but Sting cuts him off before he can make the cover. Now all three men are down when Hulk Hogan’s music hits and here he comes with a pipe. RVD slides the pipe into RVD, who he is recruiting for Immortal. RVD takes it, hits the mat with it then throws it into the cage at Hogan. Anderson picks it up and wallops RVD with it. Anderson pulls RVD into the middle of the ring but as he does, Sting comes up from behind and hits him with the Scorpion Death Drop and that’s it.

Winner via pinfall and STILL TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Sting

Match Rating: 4/10

Match #8 – Lethal Lockdown – Bully Ray (New York City), Abyss (Parts Unknown), Matt Hardy (Cameron, NC) & Ric Flair (Charlotte, NC) vs. Robert Roode (Wall Street), James Storm (Leiper’s Fork, Tenn.), Kazarian (Anaheim, Calif.) & Christopher Daniels (Los Angeles, Calif.)

Winners via submission: Fortune

Match Rating: 7/10

Show Rating: 4/10

Do not order the replay. Do not go out of your way to see this show.

 

Matt Bishop can be reached at bishop20@msu.edu. Please include your name and hometown. Click here to follow Matt on Twitter. Should be a good one!.