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Weak stunt ruins Survivor Series

John Powell

 

At WCW’s Halloween Havoc in 1995, something really dumb happened. Something so plainly ridiculous that it inspired a guffaw heard ’round the world. Hulk Hogan and The Giant (Paul Wight) went bumper to bumper in a monster truck match high atop a building. Both men got out of their vehicles and brawled near the roof’s edge. Hogan pounded on the big man until he lost his balance and supposedly fell over into a lake below. Nevermind that the lake in question was really five or so miles away. Nevermind that we, the audience, never saw The Giant take his swandive into the murky blue depths. A slightly damp but otherwise no worse for wear Giant returned to fight Hogan in the Halloween Havoc main event. Stupefied wrestling fans couldn’t believe what they were being asked to swallow. ‘Do they really think we’re that dumb?’, they cried in unison.

What occurred at Survivor Series last night at The Ice Palace in Tampa, Florida, was as equally absurd. Subsequent to a half hour brawl with Triple H, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin was Pearl Harboured by The Radicals backstage. While they kept Austin and a battalion of referees busy, Triple H got behind the wheel of a car parked outside. Chris Benoit led Austin out in the dark parking lot only to have him disappear into thin air. As Benoit looked for Austin back inside the building, Triple H opened the car door scanning the parking lot for Stone Cold. Commandeering a huge fork lift, Austin lifted Triple H’s car about forty feet in the air. Hunter Hearst Helmsley begged for mercy. Stone Cold tilted the car dropping it on its hood. Snap, crackle, pop, goes Triple H.

The careful editing or switching to stunt stand-ins looked impressive on camera. The gag went off without a hitch. Except that the entire scenario was preposterous. A stunt more akin to Nash Bridges or The X-Files than pro wrestling. Not to mention that we’ve seen Steve Austin do this type of thing before only not this extreme and every fan knows that Triple H will return to the squared circle though he technically should be paralyzed or dead. Stretching our suspension of disbelief is one thing. Chainsawing it into a thousand pieces is quite another.

The slugfest that was Triple H versus Austin didn’t even deserve to be the main event it was billed as. Slap in any past No DQ match Austin has had with The Undertaker, Mankind or The Rock into your VCR and you’d be hard pressed to set this grudge match with Triple H apart from the rest. It was nothing special and nothing different. Which is what you could also describe the Survivor Series 2000 show as being. Not particularly bad. Not particularly good. Just there playing out on your television set. For once though, a women’s wrestling match proudly stole the show. A bloodied Lita and an aggressive Ivory illustrated to what heights women’s wrestling is capable of reaching in North America if the right talent is permitted to strut their stuff in a wrestling ring and not a pit full of jello. With Molly Holly (formerly known as Miss Madness in WCW) now in the WWF, the women’s division has the opportunity to shine like never before.

The only other match that is sure to generate conversation is Kurt Angle’s WWF World Heavyweight Title defence against The Undertaker which turned out to be a excellently booked contest sporting patient mat wrestling, good ring psychology and a couple of plot twists. Edge and Christian attempted to interfere, however The Undertaker flipped over the top rope, landed on his feet and thrashed them both. ‘Taker, wearing some truly horrid snakeskin pants, had Angle beat twice. Once in an arm-bar submission move and once with a chokeslam. The official was tied up with Edge and Christian both times. He never saw Angle tap out or was in position to slap the three count. Angle, for his part, took his cue from Bret Hart’s previous matches with ‘Taker working on his knees to the point of slapping on a figure four around a ring post.

Stealing a page from the Killer Bees book, Angle pulled a switcheroo to retain the gold. Angle crawled under the ring and was replaced by a person who looked very much like him. It could’ve possibly been his brother. Thinking that he had the real Angle in his clutches, The Undertaker hit The Last Ride. Recognizing that ‘Taker wasn’t pinning Angle, the official stopped the count before three. The Undertaker argued with the ref giving the true Angle the opportunity to school-boy ‘Taker for the victory. Angle then dashed off to an awaiting car and sped off into the night.

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