The WWF has an “ass” for a king. Mr. Ass, that is.

Despite Internet rumors which said The Big Show (Paul Wight) would come out on top, it was former D-Generation X member Billy Gunn winning the title of King Of The Ring last night in Greensboro, North Carolina. Screwed out of a coronation ceremony and any semblance of a well-planned tournament, the Greensboro Coliseum crowd was too busy nodding off to notice Gunn’s victory over X-Pac.

The King Of The Ring tournament itself was a disorganized bore with four of the seven matches ending in screw-jobs. The finals were a clash of former D-Generation X pals, Billy Gunn and X-Pac.

Gunn defeated Ken Shamrock and Kane to earn the right to battle for the crown. The win over Shamrock came via a referee’s decision. The official called the match due to injuries The World’s Most Dangerous Man sustained in a Kendo stick attack perpetrated by “The Lethal Weapon” Steve Blackman earlier on Sunday Night Heat. Gunn defeated Kane via a chair shot by an angry Paul Wight.

X-Pac walked easily into the second round of the tourney. Bob Holly swung a steel chair and got himself disqualified at barely three minutes into the bout. X-Pac went on to defeat his DX stablemate The Road Dogg in a short but entertaining match-up. The Road Dogg congratulated X-Pac afterwards showing there were no hard feelings.

Cutting a promo before the finals match Gunn made his intentions to work on X-Pac’s neck known and said…”I’ve got four words for you. Kiss my royal ass.”

The onetime friends each kicked out of the other’s finishing move. X-Pac drop-kicked Gunn crotching him on the top rope. Gunn fought off X-Pac hitting him with a forearm smash which sent him dazed onto the canvass. Gunn executed his Famouser from the second rope on X-Pac to capture the King Of The Ring honours.

The much-hyped Corporate Ladder Match pitting “Stone Cold” Steve Austin against Shane and Vince McMahon for control of the World Wrestling Federation was a catastrophe. The bout dragged on and on for a thoroughly monotonous seventeen minutes as Austin ran roughshod over the opposition bouncing them from one end of the stadium to the next.

Commentator Jerry Lawler said what was on every fan’s mind when he exclaimed “How long is Austin going to beat on them?” How long? A very, very long time, Jerry.

The events leading up to the “Winner Take All” confrontation were as simple to follow as a Nuclear Physics lesson. First, WWF Commissioner Shawn Michaels ordered Vince McMahon to fight Ken Shamrock on Sunday Night Heat. Vince declined sending his son to take the beats instead. Shamrock injured Shane and it was thought he wouldn’t be able to participate in the Corporate Ladder Match.

Clear as mud so far?

McMahon tried to sub Triple H. Michaels would have not of it. McMahon called Steve Blackman ordering him to return to the arena and be his tag partner against Austin. A GD TV video inadvertently aired of Shane yucking it up in the back with the Mean Street Posse about how they pulled one over on Michaels. Michaels told Blackman to get his “G.I. Joe-looking ass” to the dressing room demanding Shane tag-up with Vince as originally planned.

Austin has his way with both McMahons beating them to a pulp. Dropping an entrance way display comprised of steel ladders on them was the highlight. At last, Stone Cold hit Stunners on Shane and Vince. As he climbed the ladder to retrieve the briefcase (containing documents giving the possessor complete control of the WWF), it lifted high into the air out of his reach. A mysterious “someone” was operating the controls backstage.

Austin stormed around ringside searching for the culprit. Vince began climbing the ladder. While Stone Cold and Vince fought on the ladder, Shane pushed both of them over retrieving the briefcase himself. Shane and Vince left together mocking Austin.

The next WWF pay-per-view is Fully Loaded on July 25th from Buffalo, NY.

WWF KOTR 1999 Results

Bob Holly Vs X-Pac (First Round Of KOTR)

  • Holly chair shots X-Pac and is disqualified.
  • Winner: X-Pac at 2 minutes and 58 seconds. .
  • Match Rating: 1 / 10.

    The Big Show Vs Kane (First Round Of KOTR)

  • The ref is knocked out. Carrying a steel chair, Bob Holly interferes. The Big Show neutralizes Holly with a Chokeslam. Kane strangles The Big Show for what seems like an eternity. Kane chair shots The Big Show in the head for the pinfall.
  • Winner: Kane at 6 minutes and 29 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 2 / 10.

    Billy Gunn Vs Ken Shamrock (First Round Of KOTR)

  • Shamrock has been coughing up blood since the assault by Blackman. Shamrock wants to fight. The ref doesn’t think it’s a good idea. Shamrock shoves the ref out of the way. Gunn pounds on The World’s Most Dangerous Man. Shamrock spits-up more blood. The official calls the match.
  • Winner: At 3 minutes and 53 seconds, Billy Gunn.
  • Match Rating: 2 / 10.

    Road Dogg Vs Chyna (First Round Of KOTR)

  • About Chyna, Lawler (a loose tongue most of the night) says…”I’d knock her on her ass is what I do!”.
  • Hunter punches Dogg in the head with a steel chain. Dogg kicks out. HBK comes out at 11:35 sending Triple H packing. Chyna attempts a low-blow. She seriously hurts her arm in the process. The clever Road Dogg pulls a steel athletic cup out of his trunks. Pump-handle suplex and that’s all she wrote.
  • Winner: The Road Dogg at 13 minutes and 14 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 6 / 10.

    The Brood Vs The Hardy Boys

  • Second best worked match of the evening.
  • Gangrel messes up spitting the “red fluid” into Edge’s face instead of Jeff Hardy. Hardy pins a blind Edge. The Brood kiss and make up. All is forgiven.
  • Winners: The Hardy Boys at 4 minutes and 54 seconds..
  • Match Rating: 7 / 10.
  • McMahon cuts a promo saying the Corporate Ladder match won’t happen. Shane is hurt. Michaels tells Vince he must find a “suitable replacement”. Lawler says of Michaels…”That guy’s making me lose my smile.” Heh. Heh.

    Billy Gunn Vs Kane (Second Round Of KOTR)

  • The Big Show chair shots Kane. Gunn pins Kane.
  • Winner: Billy Gunn at 5 minutes and 16 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 4 / 10.

    X-Pac Vs The Road Dogg (Second Round Of KOTR)

  • No love lost as X-Pac rolls up his buddy, Road Dogg.
  • Winner: X-Pac at 3 minutes and 7 seconds .
  • Match Rating: 3 / 10.

    The Rock (challenger) Vs The Undertaker (champion) (WWF World Heavyweight Title Match)

  • Both men should be complemented on giving it their all. At 25 seconds in, The Rock lands The Rock Bottom but there’s no ref to count. He’s out cold due to a vicious assault by Paul Bearer. At 16:11, Rocky hits the People’s Elbow. Again, the official is out.
  • Paul Bearer and The Undertaker lace a rag with ether. Gee, like they haven’t pulled that one before. The Rock gains possession of the rag putting it to Taker’s face. Taker is in dreamland. Triple H nails Rocky with the Pedigree. The Rock is dropped on his head by a Tombstone Piledriver from a groggy Undertaker.
  • Winner: …and still WWF World Heavyweight Champion…The Undertaker at 19 minutes and 14 seconds .
  • Match Rating: 8 / 10.

    X-Pac Vs Billy Gunn (King Of The Ring Finals)

  • Winner: … and new WWF King Of The Ring…Billy Gunn at 5 minutes and 35 seconds .
  • Match Rating: 5 / 10.

    Shane, Vince McMahon Vs Steve Austin (Corporation Ladder Match)

  • Winners: Shane and Vince McMahon at 17 minutes and 9 seconds .
  • Match Rating: 2 / 10.
  • Total Event Time: 2 hours and 30 minutes.
  • Overall Event Rating: 3 / 10.