Sid returns at the Bash

Don’t look now but there’s another vacated locker at the ailing Extreme Championship Wrestling (ECW) promotion.

Sidney Eudy – better known by wrestling fans as Sid Vicious (AKA: Sid, Sid Justice, Sycho Sid) – is back in World Championship Wrestling. The two-time WWF World Heavyweight Champion and former member of the elite Four Horsemen team came from out of nowhere laying out an injured Kevin Nash during his WCW World Heavyweight Title match against challenger Randy “Macho Man” Savage at The Great American Bash pay-per-view.

Sid’s unexpected Pearl Harbor job was the high point of an otherwise dull main event match clocking in at barely seven minutes long. Thankfully leaving the raw sewage where it belongs, Nash and Savage kicked, punched and elbowed each other into oblivion. Apparently suffering fractured ribs and a banged up knee in that limo-Hummer attack on Nitro, Nash sold the rib injury throughout the bout.

Big Sexy was all over Macho at the start unleashing his technically astounding punches, knee lifts and elbow smashes. On his knees, Savage finally fought back punching Nash squarely in the ribs. Big Sexy doubled over in pain. Savage choked and stomped the champion then clotheslined him over the top rope to the floor.

Nash tasted the steel retaining fence courtesy of Savage. That ever sneaky Madusa gave Nash a few stiff kicks to the rib cage as Macho climbed back into the ring. Nash attempted to step through the ropes but Savage punched him down onto the ring apron. Madusa kicked the champ a few more times just for good luck.

Macho backed Nash into a corner walloping him with haymakers and putting the heel of his boot to his throat. A desperate Big Sexy low-blowed Savage. Macho’s ladies jumped onto the ring apron distracting referee Nick Patrick so that Miss Madness e99 could land a missile drop-kick off the top rope on Nash. Macho scooted to the top rope and landed his Flying Elbow Smash finishing move. Nash kicked out at two. Savage blew a gasket chewing out Patrick.

Nash and Savage had a fist fight in the middle of the ring. Nash won. In a maneuver we haven’t seen since his Vinnie Vegas days, Nash dropped Macho with the Snake Eyes slam. Following up on a Big Foot to the chops, Nash sets-up Savage for the Jack Knife Powerbomb. Madusa interferes once again kicking Nash. Gorgeous George jumps onto Nash’s back clawing at his face. Ever the honourable gentleman, Nash throws George to the mat, slams Madusa and puts the Snake Eyes on Miss Madness.

Sid Vicious stormed the ring Powerbombing Nash. Patrick called for the bell disqualifying Savage. Savage, Sid and the Silicon Valley entourage beat their feet to the locker room. The announcers speculated whether or not it was Sid who played Smash -Up Derby with Nash’s limo.

The next WCW pay-per-view is Bash At The Beach on July 11th..

WCW Great American Bash ’99 Results
Rapper Master P arrives at the arena with his “No Limit” posse (about nine thousand guys dressed in military fatigues). Curt Hennig begs Master P to autograph his CD. Master P signs it. Hennig smashes the CD into a bazillion pieces insulting Master P.

Brian Nobbs Vs Hak (Hardcore – Kendo Stick Match)
Nobbs asks Hak to put the plunder away so they can fight man to man. Hak contemplates the offer. Nobbs hits him with a trash can from behind.
Trash cans, chairs, Singapore canes and a steel ladder are the weapons of choice.
Jimmy Hart holds a chair up on the ring apron. Hak reverses an Irish whip throwing Nobbs into the chair. Hak whacks Nobbs with the Singapore cane for the pinfall.
Hugh Morrus, Nobbs and Jimmy Hart brutalize Hak.
Winner: Hak at 5 minutes and 43 seconds.
Match Rating: 6 / 10.
Piper and Buff cross paths backstage. Buff wishes Piper luck in his match against Flair reminding him of his promise on Nitro to give him a push if he wins. When Buff splits, Piper says to the camera…”Kids. Love kids. Love them for breakfast”. Uh-oh!

Mikey Whipwreck Vs Van Hammer
What? Is it time for Thunder already?
Van Hammer Cobra-Clutch Slams Mikey into next week.
Winner: Van Hammer at eight minutes and 35 seconds.
Match Rating: 2 / 10.

Disco Inferno Vs Buff Bagwell
A dancing and pose fest.
Disco punishes Buff with a Last Dance on the concrete floor. Buff crawls back into the ring. Disco can’t believe it. A Buff Blockbuster sends Disco to the showers.
Winner: Buff Bagwell at 10 minutes and 22 seconds.
Match Rating: 7 / 10.

Konnan, Mysterio Vs Bobby Duncum Jr. and Curt Hennig
Master P and his merry band take their seats at ringside.
Duncum and Hennig come out to a hilarious country song titled…Rap Is Crap. (Bah. Ha. Ha.).
Mysterio is dressed in overalls as if he is going to slop some pigs and Konnan sports some nifty neon orange overalls as if he has just escaped from prison. Both are wearing gas masks to signify their distaste for country music.
Hennig tells Master P his album stinks because with all the grunting and groaning, it sounds like it was recorded in a Men’s bathroom. (Heh. Heh.). Master P don’t take kindly to being dissed. Minutes later, Hennig ends up on the floor. Master P cuffs Hennig in the back of the head.
In the middle of the match, Hennig gyrates over Mysterio and points to the heavens in a tribute to his friend “Ravishing” Rick Rude.
The match breaks down when Barry Windham assists Duncum and Hennig.
Master P’s big, bad bodyguard forearms Duncum in the face. Mysterio does a guillotine leg-drop for the 1-2-3.
WCW security ushers Master P and his posse away from the ring. Windham, Duncum and Hennig hog-tie and humiliate Mysterio and Konnan.
Winners: Rey Mysterio Jr. and Konnan at 10 minutes and 40 seconds.
Match Rating: 8 / 10.

The Cat Vs Horace Boulder
Huh? What the hell is this?
Sonny Ono opens a briefcase handing The Cat a ruby-red dress shoe to put on. The Cat kicks Horace in the head. Horace is KO’d.
Ono and The Cat do a really funny James Brown inspired gag where Sonny drapes a robe over a exhausted Cat’s back. Miller throws off the cape and boogies down in the middle of the ring.
Winner: The Cat at 5 minutes and 10 seconds.
Match Rating: 2 / 10.

Ric Flair Vs Roddy Piper
The winner becomes President of WCW.
Possibly the worst match either man has been in besides their nineties Hollywood Hogan bouts. Genuine, Grade-A crappola.
Buff Bagwell interferes on Piper’s behalf. Piper is disqualified.
Arn Anderson, Ric Flair and Piper (!) turn on Buff whipping him with a leather belt. Piper does the whipping and spits on Bagwell.
The “young versus old” storyline advances.
Winner: …and still President of WCW…Ric Flair via disqualification at 8 minutes and 9 seconds.
Match Rating: 2 / 10.

Rick Steiner Vs Sting (No DQ – Falls Count Anywhere Match)
It is announced that this is a non-title match. Steiner’s Television Title is not up for grabs tonight.
Sting and Steiner brawl to the WCW Internet location. What do you know? It’s Chris Jericho seated at the table.
Both men fight backstage. When the wrestlers go out of sight, the fans boo.
Tank Abbot jumps Sting. Scott Steiner releases three attack dogs on Sting. One is shown biting Sting’s hand. Sting has a towel of some sort wrapped around his fist. The camera cuts away.
The announce team rains praise on the production staff for not showing the carnage.
Scott and Rick drag the official back to the ring so that Rick can be declared the winner.
Scott and Rick yap on the mike. Scott says “WCW sucks!”. Rick says “Baltimore is the sh—yest town in America”. Their momma must be proud.
Winner: Rick Steiner at 11 minutes and 43 seconds .
Match Rating: 5 / 10.

DDP, Kanyon (challengers) Vs Chris Benoit, Perry Saturn (champions) (WCW World Tag Team Title Match)
Bam Bam Bigelow backs up the other Jersey Boys at ringside.
Fantastic tag team match.
Dean Malenko arrives to help Saturn back into the ring. Benoit has the Crippler Crossface locked on but the official is busy admonishing Malenko. DDP and Bigelow execute the double Diamond Cutter. Page rolls Kanyon on top of Benoit. DDP and Biglelow spike Malenko with the double Diamond Cutter.
Winners: … and new WCW World Tag Team Champions…The Jersey Boys (Kanyon, Bigelow and DDP) .
Match Rating: 8 / 10.

Randy “Macho Man” Savage (challenger) Vs Kevin Nash (champion) (WCW World Heavyweight Title Match)
Winner: ….and still WCW World Heavyweight Champion via disqualification…Kevin Nash at 7 minutes and 29 seconds .
Match Rating: 4 / 10.
Total Event Time: 2 hours and 40 minutes.