Tonight wasn’t a good night for Vincent K. McMahon in Toronto’s SkyDome. The WWF president’s elaborate scheme to wrest the gold from working class champion “Stone Cold” Steve Austin failed on all fronts.

His hand-picked challenger DX’s Hunter Hearst-Helmsley (mid-carder Jean-Paul Levesque in another life) was outsmarted by the WWF rattlesnake. McMahon-assigned bell ringer, Dude Love (see SLAM! Wrestling’s interview next week) received a severe beating at the hands of Stone Cold and split for Truth Or Consequences, New Mexico. Chyna, DX’s answer to Xena, did more harm than good.

And as special guest referee outside the ring, McMahon himself got beaned in the head with a drink thrown with Roger Clemens accuracy by an irate fan before falling victim to the Stone Cold Stunner once again.

Some days it doesn’t pay to leave Titan Towers.

At the beginning of the evening, McMahon was beaming with confidence as he addressed the crowd in attendance. Ignoring a booming chorus of boos and chants of Austin! Austin!, McMahon thanked them for their “years of support”.

“It’s been over thirty years since the Toronto Maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup but what if fans in SkyDome saw the WWF championship change hands? Now that would be something to talk about,” said McMahon. He reassured the audience that he would be an “unbiased official” and that if Austin got beat it would be because “Stone Cold screwed Stone Cold” making reference to the now infamous Survivor Series match where former WWF champ Bret Hart refused to drop the title to Shawn Michaels and then was stripped of the title by McMahon.

McMahon also announced another stipulation to the title match. If Stone Cold were to assault him, the belt would be automatically awarded to Triple H. Several ringside fans flipped McMahon “the finger” as he headed backstage.

The WWF prez showed his true colors during the main events’ ring introductions dancing and hugging Dude Love. McMahon also strutted his stuff as Triple H stepped through the ropes. What Vince did with the money his parents gave him for dance lessons is still being investigated by Mulder and Scully.

An atomic bomb pop louder than anything Hulk Hogan ever received in Toronto exploded as Austin cleared the ring of his adversaries. Though Vince demanded it, Stone Cold refused to hand the belt over to him and instead placed it in the hands of a ring attendant. The belt found its way to Dude Love who proudly raised it in the air. McMahon held the ringside bell up for Dude Love to clang.

Helmsley and Austin backed each in a corner reversing each other’s lock-up. Stone Cold won out haymakering the DX leader then gave him a two-finger salute. McMahon shouting instructions, Helmsley smacked Austin with a right knocking him to the canvass. Helmsley stood over the champ and machine-gunned a series of DX crotch chops.

Both men flew off the ropes. Austin tackled Helmsley pounding on him. Helmsley stepped outside for a breather. Austin gave chase ramming Helmsley and Dude Love into the steel ring fence. The Dudester high-tailed it to the showers..

Waiting inside the squared circle, Helmsley caught Austin on the way in then slipped out of a Stunner attempt. Austin followed Helmsley to the floor fencing him a second time. Recovering from a crotch drop on the same fence, Triple H wrapped Stone Cold’s leg around the steel post three times. Chyna sucker-punched Austin. McMahon pretended to look away. Helmsley then catapulted Austin into the steel ringsteps. The WWF prez gave Hunter the “thumbs up” sign.

Returning to the ring, Triple H pretzeled into a figure four using the ropes as leverage. The ref was going to break the hold but McMahon instructed him not to. As Austin reversed the maneuver, Chyna began choking him through the ropes. Austin slung Helmsley into the corner and the referee. The ref out, Chyna punched the champ in the “lower abdomen”.

Capitalizing on the moment, McMahon leapt in to smach a two count. McMahon and Triple X argued over the speed of the count. An angry McMahon hauled off and slapped Helmsley in the face. Austin snuck up from behind ramming their heads together. Triple H held Austin wide-open for Chyna. In a series of fluid moves, Austin mule kicked Helmsley in the crotch, kicked Chyna in the stomach and Stunned Triple H. The semi-conscious ref laid down the 1-2-3. Austin also Stunned Chyna as well.

McMahon verbally and physically assaulted the referee for doing his job. A soft drink thrown from the stands clocked the WWF president in the noggin’. Fans littered the ring. Austin crept up on McMahon and executed the Stunner on the WWF president.

The next WWF house show at SkyDome is on August 1st, 1998. Tickets are on sale now.

WWF Trust No One – Toronto SkyDome Results

Brian Christopher (challenger) Vs Taka Michinoku (champion) (WWF Light Heavyweight Title Match)

: Christopher taunts Taka with racial gestures.
: Christopher yells to a Taka fan..This one is for you!..as he rearranges the champ’s spine with a backbreaker.
: Taka completes a roll-up for the victory.

Winner: and still WWF Light Heavyweight Champion..Taka Michinoku at 5 minutes and 41 seconds..

Match Rating: 6 / 10.

The Quebecers Vs The Head Bangers

: The Head Bangers are carrying Super Soaker water guns (sponsors of the card) spraying the referee, the time keeper, ringside valets, the crowd and Jacques Rougeau.
: The Head Bangers thwart The Quebecers finishing move crotching Ouellete on the top rope.

Winners: The Head Bangers at 7 minutes and 5 seconds.

Match Rating: 5 / 10.

Kurrgan Vs D-Lo Brown

: Oh yeah. REAL fair match. Can you say David versus freaking Goliath?
: The Jackyll berates the Toronto sports teams and says he will “Jackyll off” all over the dome. He pushes the debut of his collection of human oddities (read John Tenta dressed as Goldust) on this Monday’s Raw Is War.
: D-Lo bobs and weaves but when the MIGHTY Kurrgan catches up, it’s game over. D-Lo tries for a dive off the second rope. Kurrgan catches D-Lo in the claw hold.

Winner: Kurrgan at 4 minutes and 39 seconds.

Match Rating: 1 / 10.

Bradshaw Vs Marc Mero

: Mero orders Sable out of the ring. “Since you belong to me, I want you to get out,” demands Mero. Sable takes her spot in Mero’s corner. Mero responds “No. No. Get out of this building. Get out of Canada”.
: Sable distracts the ref. Mero “low blows” Bradshaw. Mero has the cover but the ref is still arguing with Sable. Bradshaw lariats Mero and gets the win.
: Mero dares Sable to enter the ring. When she does he runs for the hills.
: Didn’t we see this match already?.

Winner: Bradshaw at 5 minutes and 13 seconds.

Match Rating: 1 / 10.

Rocky Maivia (champion) Vs Faarooq (challenger) (Intercontinental Title Match)

: Rocky lies to the audience and says he is pleased to announce that they’ve set a new wrestling attendance record in Canada. Then he quickly adds, “This is the largest gathering of trailer park trash I’ve ever seen.” Woo! Rocky’s da man!
: Faarooq Pearl Harbors Rocky from out of nowhere. Rocky is slow to get up from a Sidewalk Slam. In a bizarre twist, Faarooq runs to the dressing room and is counted out.
: Rocky wins but limps away indicating he could be seriously hurt.

Winner: …and still the people’s Intercontinental Champion…Rocky Maivia at 1 minute and 10 seconds.

Match Rating: 1 / 10. (Sorry Rocky).

: Mick Foley does an in-ring interview. And says…
: It’s not enough any more for him to be a hardcore legend or the toughest S.O.B. in the WWF.
: There isn’t a finer, nobler ass in the world to kiss than Vince McMahon’s.
: A kid in the front row flips Foley “the finger”. Foley asks…”Where did you learn such a hand gesture, son?”. The little thug answers over the house mic…”From idiots like you.” Bah. Ha.

Kane Vs The Undertaker

: The Undertaker Tombstones Kane. Paul Bearer climbs in the ring. Kane is DQ’d. Taker chokes Bearer against the ropes. Kane makes the save and is clotheslined out of the ring.

Winner: Via DQ…The Undertaker at 7 minutes and 26 seconds.

Match Rating: 3 / 10.

Jeff Jarrett Vs Steve Blackman

: Lethal Weapon Blackman. Lethal to whom? Himself?
: Blackman attempts to suplex Jarrett from the second rope. Jarrett reverses in mid-air landing atop Blackman for the three count.

Winner: Jeff Jarrett at 6 minutes and 10 seconds .

Match Rating: 1 / 10.

Owen Hart Vs Vader

: The Nation attacks shortly after the bout starts. Owen high-tails it to safety.
: The New Age Outlaws (Why? I say why?) save Vader wielding steel chairs.

Winner: Vader at 1 minute and 5 seconds .

Match Rating: 0 / 10.

The New Age Outlaws (champions) Vs D.O.A. (challengers) (WWF Tag Team Title Match)

: Road Dog creams Skull with the belt to allow Billy to gain the win.

Winners: …and still WWF Tag Team Champions…The New Age Outlaws at 6 minutes and 52 seconds .

Match Rating: 5 / 10.

“Stone Cold” Steve Austin (champion) Vs Triple H (challenger) (WWF World Title Match)

Winners: …and still WWF World Champion…Steve Austin at 18 minutes and 10 seconds .

Match Rating: 7 / 10.

Overall Event Rating: 2 / 10.