During the Gulf War, the U.S. Army’s Patriot Missiles weren’t the great defenders military intelligence promised they were. Designed to engage incoming enemy missiles, the Patriots often missed their targets confirming that they required further testing and training. History repeated itself tonight in Louisville Gardens in Louisville, Kentucky; the site of the WWF’s first three hour In Your House pay-per-view titled: Ground Zero. (In actuality, it was two hours and fifty minutes in total if you don’t count the five minute delay at the beginning or the five minute commercial airing at the end. But we won’t quibble.) Del Wilkes known as the masked wrestler The Patriot is capable of misfiring like his namesake.

A disgruntled Hart initiated the controversial U.S.A. versus Canada war in the WWF earlier this year deserting his Yankee fans. He and his Hart Foundation countrymen launched an inappropriate anti-American campaign infuriating American wrestlers in the WWF. Shawn Michaels and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin were the first to retaliate with angry and insulting messages directed at Canadians.

Out of nowhere, The Patriot flew in like a Stealth Bomber upsetting Hart on Raw Is War. Nevermind that he had the help of Shawn Michaels. Commissioner Sergeant Slaughter gave Wilkes his shot at the title.

The Patriot, defender of Old Glory and apple pie, took the fight to champion, Bret “The Hit Man” Hart. Jumped from behind as soon as the bell rang, Wilkes bounced back slamming and head butting Hart. The partisan crowd chanted “USA! USA!” letting The Patriot know that they stood behind him. A series of dizzying arm drags stunned The Hit Man.

Absorbing the punishment dished out, Hart reestablished control setting his sights on Wilkes’ knee in preparation for his finishing hold: The Sharp Shooter. The five-time World Champion slapped a figure-four around The Patriot’s legs and the ring post on outside the ring. The ref was quick to lay down the count. The Hit Man was not deterred. He posted Wilkes’ knee twice prior to hoisting him through the ropes and back into the squared circle.

Their man hobbled, the crowd called for “Stone Cold” Steve Austin to save the day. What they got was Bret’s brother-in-law, The British Bulldog. At a crucial juncture in the match, pulled Hart’s foot over the bottom rope stopping a three count. The Patriot received backup from Vader as he traded blows with The Hit Man and Bulldog on the steel ramp. Vader softened The Hit Man up by hurtling him into the steel ring steps.

Sensing victory, Wilkes tied Hart up in his own version of Bret’s Sharp Shooter. There would be none of that. Hart reached behind him, grabbed The Patriot’s leg and in a fabulous maneuver turned Wilkes into The Sharp Shooter. Wilkes fought off the pain but submitted shortly thereafter.

Hart took out more of his frustration after the match. He piledrived and choked Wilkes out with the American flag he brought to ringside. The Hit Man also clocked Pat Patterson. In a backstage interview, Hart called Americans “losers” while the Bulldog predicted that the United Kingdom and Canada would win the escalating feud.

The next WWF pay-per-view is Badd Blood on October 5th. The Undertaker’s brother, Cain, is mentioned in the event’s advertisement.

WWF In Your House: Ground Zero Results

: The Free For All mentions that Stone Cold has been suspended indefinitely by Sgt. Slaughter so he won’t return to the ring injured. No mention of what will happen to the Intercontinental Title but the tag belts will be forfeited by Austin and Dude Love tonight. The Head Bangers replacing them in the Four Way title match.
: In background footage, we see The Patriot without his mask on.

Goldust Vs Brian Pillman

: Lawler comments…”Marlena has been around more than a carousel”.
: Goldust tries the Curtain Call but in doing so, Pillman decks the ref.
: Pillman clobbers Goldust with Marlena’s purse for the pin.
: Lawler obtains the purse and finds it is loaded with a brick.
: Pillman drives off with Marlena while Goldust chases after the car on foot balling his eyes out.
: Pillman now has Marlena services for thirty days.

Winner: Brian Pillman at 11 minutes and 6 seconds.

Scott Putski Vs Brian Christopher

: Chistopher suplexes Putski on the concrete floor. Putski lands awkwardly injuring his leg. The match is cut short as Putski is carried off in considerable pain.

Winner: Brian Christopher at 4 minutes and 45 seconds.

Crush Vs Faarooq Vs Savio Vega (Triple Threat Match)

: Crush is the fan favorite.
: Savio spin-heel kicks Crush for the 1-2-3.

Winner: Savio Vega at a very dull 11 minutes and 37 seconds.

El Torito Vs Ma Mini (Midget Match)

: Max Mini dressed as a Power Ranger rolls up Torito.

Winner: Max Mini at 9 minuted and 21 seconds.

: Dude Love and Austin forfeit the tag belts to Slaughter in the middle of the ring.
: Austin drops the belt to the mat and demands Slaughter pick it up or he’ll “stomp a mud hole in him”.
: For no apparent reason, Austin Stone Cold Stuns the defenseless Jim Ross. The fans whoop it up (???) chanting Slaughter Sucks! Slaughter Sucks!
: The Bulldog and Owen Hart say that the American fans are stupid for condoning the attack and that Ross didn’t deserve it.

The Head Bangers Vs The Godwinns Vs The Road Warriors Vs Owen Hart and The British Bulldog (Triple Threat – Tag Team Titles Match)

: LOD are DQ’d at 9 minutes and 26 seconds for clobbering the Godwinns with the slop bucket. The fans voice their displeasure.
: At 12:31 The Godwinns are eliminated.
: Stone Cold enters the ring and Stone Cold Stuns Owen Hart. The Head Bangers score the tainted victory.

Winners: …and new WWF Tag Team Champions…The Head Bangers.

Bret Hart Vs The Patriot (WWF World Title Match)

Winner: …and still WWF World Champ…Bret “The Hit Man” Hart at 19 minutes and 20 seconds..

The Undertaker Vs Shawn Michaels

: The Undertaker beans the referee so he and Michaels battle for 8 minutes until the match officially starts.
: Michaels is being beaten so badly he begs the new ref…”DQ him, he’s killing me.”
: Rick Rude throws Michaels a pair of brass knuckles then leaves.
: A handful of refs get knocked out.
: Hunter-Hearst Helmsely and Chyna assist Michaels triple teaming The Undertaker.
: The last ref DQ’s both men, the unsatisfactory ending pissing off the fans.
: Michaels and HHH batter the ‘Taker but he Tombstones HHH. Wrestlers from the dressing room separate the two.

Winner: Both wrestlers DQ’d at 16 minutes and 20 seconds by disqualification. If you add the previous 8 minutes, the match time is 24 minutes and 20 seconds.

Total Event Time: 2 hours and 50 minutes.