What matches were the best of the best at WrestleMania? Who cares? What matches are the best of the worst? WrestleMania is often considered the epic of wrestling and sports pay-per-views. Although epic, WrestleMania has put out some matches that should have never taken place.
10. WrestleMania X: Luna Vachon and Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Doink and Dink.
What happened at the booking for this bout? “Okay, Vince, we have a dwarf and a freaky woman, and we will put them in a match against each other.” The whole Doink thing was about the worst idea ever, and I have yet to hear who takes credit for the idea. Bigelow and Vachon won this bout, but unfortunately did not put Doink out of permanent commission.
9. WrestleMania I: Tito Santana vs. Executioner.
No, this was not one of the legendary Executioners fans had seen in the past. This was fat Buddy Rose under a mask. What a great way to start off the first WrestleMania. McMahon knew he had to put Santana on the card. Santana was young, electric and popular with the fans. Rose was never seen before or after under the mask, and that is a good thing. Santana should have been given a better opponent.
8. WrestleMania I: King Kong Bundy vs. S.D. Jones.
I guess the match was used to show the domination and size of Bundy. Does it really take size to show domination over the infamous jobber Jones? Bundy would have been better off fighting a handicapped match. The high point of the bout was that is lasted all of nine seconds.
7. WrestleMania XV: Butterbean vs. Bart Gunn.
This boxing match was the chance for Gunn to make a name for himself. He shocked everyone in the wrestling world the year before by winning the “Brawl for All” toughman contest the WWF put on. Gunn was never seen in a North American ring after this debacle. Butterbean smashed Gunn in the time it took for me to eat a Twinkee. It looked like Butterbean was eating the same thing.
6. WrestleMania VI: Bolsheviks vs. Hart Foundation.
I guess someone realized after they booked this one that it was a mistake before. By the time I got back from getting a soda, the match was over. The Hart Foundation shut down the Russian team in about 30 seconds.
5. WrestleMania II: George Wells vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts.
Roberts was a new employee of the WWF, and they rushed him into the WrestleMania bout. George Wells was a former football player who had not had great luck in his short WWF stay. So why not throw these guys into a WrestleMania bout? Wells was squashed, and he was not heard from again. Even the drooling Wells at the end of the bout could not save this match.
4. WrestleMania II: Velvet McIntyre vs. The Fabulous Moolah.
Planning for this match was non-existent. Every move seemed awkward and poorly executed. The only reason why this match is even remembered is because McIntyre almost lost her top trying a move off the ropes. Moolah won, but the fans lost in the long run.
3. WrestleMania XII: Goldust vs. Roddy Piper.
The match was shown intermittently throughout the pay-per-view. Dubbed a “Hollywood Backlot Brawl,” most of the match was pre-taped. Following the real life O.J. Simpson chase on the highway, the WWF did an exact rip-off with a helicopter watching it all. Finally, the two met for the live part of the match. Maybe they should have taped this part too because they would have had time to edit out seeing Dustin Rhodes’ in a thong. Welcome to the greatest wrestling event of the year, now welcome the fat butt of Goldust. This match broke a record for the most people that threw-up during a WrestleMania bout.
2. WrestleMania VII: Demolition vs. Koji Kitao and Genichiro Tenryu.
Let’s take the most dominant heel team in the WWF over the last four years and put them against some Japanese wrestlers. McMahon was thinking hard when he put Demolition against these unknowns (to most American fans). Oh, it gets better. Demolition lost. Great way to bury one of the most profitable wrestlers at the time.
1. WrestleMania V: The Red Rooster vs. Bobby Heenan.
Nothing is better than seeing Terry Taylor dress up in a red Mohawk to wrestle a fat, out of shape manager. Luckily this match only lasted a minute, and we were spared of what undoubtedly would have been a true snorefest. Oh, the Brooklyn Brawler was there to help manage Bobby Heenan. Without him, the match would have undoubtedly been better.
Well, I hope the WWF learned from the past. Let’s hope they do not make these mistakes again, but I doubt they will. Let’s pray they do not offer some lame gimmick match facing Rikishi’s big ass against Pat Patterson’s stained undies.
