On this week’s episode, Nattie feels like she’s being forced out the door because she’s too old. Meanwhile, the Bellas act like children, fighting over something stupid yet again. But it’s Paige who’s truly immature, playing mind games with her boyfriend Kevin. Check out the full recap for all the details!
Alicia and Nattie head to the spa, where Nattie gets some hair burnt off of her face.
Backstage, WWE suit Mark Carrano pulls Nattie aside to talk about her contract, which is coming up for renewal. As she later tells Nikki, he’s told her that they want her to consider a less active in-ring role, perhaps as an ambassador to the new talent. Nattie deduces this is their way of saying she’s past her prime. Nikki scolds Carrano about this when he passes by, and he gets a bit ticked that Nattie’s telling everyone about their confidential discussions.
Meanwhile, Dolph Ziggler invites Nikki Bella to go to Singapore with him. Just like his T-shirt says, it looks like he’s trying to steal Cena’s girlfriend. Nothing at all comes from this for the rest of the episode. But if word got back to Cena, no wonder Ziggler keeps hitting the glass ceiling.
Brie lets everyone know that she’s been invited to a music studio to sing her theme song, since it’s become pretty popular on i-Tunes. A jealous Nikki then says that she wants to sing her theme song too. And I say anything that keeps those two out of the ring, they should be encouraged to try.
Backstage, Nattie puts a bunch of guys on the spot, asking them how old they think she is. Erick Rowan guesses she’s 31, which is wrong but Nattie is happy by the guess (she’s 33). But then Emma busts her bubble, guessing she’s 37. “Thirty-seven?” asks an angry Nattie, channeling her inner Dante Hicks.
Paige is on the set of her movie, Santa’s Little Helper, when Kevin, her skid of a boyfriend, drops by for a visit.
Brie gets to the music studio, and she warns the producer that she’s a bad singer. And she’s right. She’s pitchy, screechy, off-tempo, and just awful. Remember when Jillian Hall had the bad singing gimmick? That had nothing on Brie. Honestly, even when Trevor Murdoch was doing his bad singing gimmick, he was better than Brie. She’s basically the musical equivalent of one of her wrestling matches.
Later, backstage, Nikki goes out of her way to let everyone she can know that Brie can’t sing. Apparently, in a moment of stupidity, Brie played Nikki the tape of her vocal butchery. Brie basically dares Nikki to do a better job, and unfortunately for the gods of music, Nikki accepts. She’s so deluded that she says she’s going to ask WWE for the right to sing her own theme music. If only she had the same drive when it came to learning how to wrestle.
After a show, Nattie shows some internet photos of Britney Spears dressed in the same dress that Nattie has. This, for some reason, leads to Nattie dancing around the dining area with R-Truth.
Paige and Kevin go out for dinner and someone recognizes him. Seriously? That tool could come up and punch me in the face while wearing his band’s T-shirt, and I don’t think I would be able to describe him. Paige is miffed as she just wanted to have a romantic evening with that clown.
Brie tells Nikki that her song was remixed and that she’s not happy with how she sounds in the new version. In a talking head segment, Nikki says what may be the most cruel and inflammatory thing ever said — that she’s a better wrestler than Brie. Not that she’s setting the bar high or anything, but I think we can all come to the conclusion that they’re equally terrible.
Rosa Mendez comes and visits Paige on set, and they start talking about their boyfriends. Rosa says that Paige shouldn’t be afraid to “test” Kevin, to ensure his faithfulness.
Nikki heads over to meet with Jim Johnston, WWE’s long-time music guy, to try out her new theme song. She’s as bad as Brie. At least Renee Young has fun, laughing as Nikki embarrasses herself and commits atrocities against the vocal arts in general. In a funny spot, Johnston has Nikki sing the song line-by-line, copying his vocals — which not even five minutes earlier, he told her was how he had to deal with the worst of the worst singers. She’s oblivious of the irony. God, it’s like she’s completely tone deaf. But she insists that she’s better than Brie. Let’s chalk this up as a tie, with the only loser being anyone with ears.
While Paige is filming, she asks Rosa to go out on the town with Kevin so she can set him up for a loyalty test.
Renee Young joins Brie for a drink, and stooges to her on how bad Nikki’s singing. She shows Brie the video she took of the recording session, and Brie laughs — until Renee says that Nikki said she was better than Brie.
Later, Nattie joins Trinity, Alicia, and Tamina Snuka for a night out on the town. Nattie tries way too hard to seem young, dressing up like a tart and trying to use young people slang. She angrily comments about having been made to feel too old by Carrano, and then starts overcompensating by going crazy. She joins some younger people at their table for some drinks, then ends up climbing on top of the bar. Trinity pulls her out of the bar to tell her to stop being insane. Outside, Nattie breaks down, frustrated because she thinks the company is going to put her out to pasture, though she thinks she still has much more to give in the ring.
As they are talking, some rat-faced, bush-baby-looking weasel from the bar interrupts them and starts mouthing off. He takes a shot at Tamina who goes after him, and it’s lucky for this discount Low-Ki guy that Trinity and Nattie hold her back. Tamina gives Nattie some tough love, saying basically F Carrano, nobody can hold Nattie down.
The Bellas are doing a promo shoot for the Anaheim Ducks, and the way Nikki says “HAW-kee” tells you for sure that she’s not Canadian. They skate about as well as they sing or wrestle. Brie tells Nikki that she’s made arrangements so that Nikki will be singing the national anthem before the game. Nikki finally realizes she can’t sing, so she’s terribly nervous about embarrassing herself, and gets mad at Brie for doing that to her. Brie eventually lets her know that it was a prank. Brie wanted Nikki to admit that she’s not a good singer — certainly not better than Brie is. Nikki does, and admits that she only said she wanted to sing her theme song as a joke, just to knock Brie off of her high horse after she had trumpeted about her singing opportunity. Let’s just acknowledge that these are two of the worst human beings in the world, and neither of them can sing well or wrestle well or even play hockey well for that matter, and move on.
Paige is spying on Kevin and Rosa at the bar, and she asks a girl to go over and flirt with Kevin to see if he’ll be tempted to cheat on Paige. He passes the test by rejecting the girl’s advances. Paige then joins Kevin and Rosa and lets him in on the test. He’s upset by what she did, and leaves. Paige follows him out to find out what’s wrong. He’s offended that she felt the need to test him, meaning that she didn’t trust him, which he doesn’t take too kindly to. Later, she goes to the hotel room where he’s sitting there sulking. She tells him that it was Rosa’s idea to test him, but he doesn’t want to hear it — he’s not into head games. She tells him that since she’s been hurt in the past, she has a lot of trust issues. He forgives her, and that sucks, because she totally could be with me instead.
Backstage, Nattie tells Nikki that she’s scared about what Carrano told her. Nikki reminds Nattie that she’s not even a year older than the Bellas, and that she’s in the best shape of her life, and that she’s actually just hitting her prime right now. Nattie realizes that she shouldn’t listen to other people, she should just be comfortable with her own self, and she knows she’s more than just an age. And knowing is half the battle.
Bob Kapur has fans for these reports. Really. Identify yourself at bobkapur@hotmail.com.
